If you have 2+ kids what is the age gap

rach10782 · November 2011

and are you happy with it? I would love to hear what you think are advantages and disadvantages. My husband and I had always planned on having our kids around 2 years apart. We moved across the country last month into an apartment and are still looking for a house. Personally, I don't want to get pregnant until we're in a house. I could hardly get off the couch the first trimester last time. There is no family here and my husband works a ton of hours. If we were in a house I know my dad would come out and stay with us for 3 months if I needed him to. My husband really wants to keep the kids close in age and I do too. I just can't imagine feeling the way I did last time with a toddler on the 3rd floor of an apartment with a dog that needs to be walked 4-5 times a day. I have come to terms with the fact that it's probably going to be closer to a 3 year age gap at this point. If you're kids are around 3 years apart do they still enjoy each other? I waste a lot of time stressing about this.

Geek_Girl · November 2011

Yep, you're definitely wasting time worrying about this. Why would they NOT enjoy each other? I don't really think there's a cut-off where the older sibling will snap and be all "oh hell NO there won't be another person in this house!!" From what I've read on the boards, its basically all in how you handle it with the older child, really (making sure you still have one-on-one time with them, etc). Heck, I'm 8 years older than my little sister and we were always pretty close.

Then again, I only have one LO so I may be talking out of my azz.

watermelonmargarita · November 2011

my boys are 3 minutes apart I know that's not what you are looking for. I really want another baby. I wonder how I would I could handle 3 children under 3. You are not alone in the wondering how it will work. It eventually works its self out.

I know thats not helpful what so ever. Good luck

babypuplove · November 2011

My kids are a little under18 months apart. The first year was brutal. Now we have a great time, they play together (and fight!) and I wouldn't change it for the world! Our good friends have two kids that are almost exactly 3 years apart, and I know the transition to two kids was much easier for them, so that's a plus. There are positives and negatives no matter how you space out the kids.

rach10782 · November 2011

Geek_Girl:
Yep, you're definitely wasting time worrying about this. Why would they NOT enjoy each other? I don't really think there's a cut-off where the older sibling will snap and be all "oh hell NO there won't be another person in this house!!" From what I've read on the boards, its basically all in how you handle it with the older child, really (making sure you still have one-on-one time with them, etc). Heck, I'm 8 years older than my little sister and we were always pretty close.
Then again, I only have one LO so I may be talking out of my azz.

I should have said want to play together.

MrsBoike · November 2011

My kiddos are almost exactly 8 years apart. I love it! I feel like I had plenty of time to devout my whole self to my son and now I have plenty of time to devout and give me little girl all my attention since my son is in school all day. Also, when I was pg, the first trimester was awful and I give all you ladies with little ones props. I do not know how I would have been able to chase after a toddler while feeling the way I did all the time. I have a friend who has two that are 18months apart and I almost feel sad for the second one. Her 3yr old is so rambunctious and climbs on everything and just all over the place that she is always have to neglect the younger one to deal with the older one. Her older one is spoiled rotten because he was he first baby in 10 years and then the second one came and poor thing never even got held because she couldn't get a free second from the toddler. I do not ever want that to be my case, although I know that is avoidable if you don't allow your children to be hellions

Oh and I forgot to add, my son just adores his little sister! He wants to feed her and if I don't hear her crying right away he'll come walking into my room with her in his arms..just amazing big brother! Your kiddos will be great with each no matter what age! GL

chicsub · November 2011

It all works out, it really does. Mine are 27 months apart and there are pros and cons to the age difference. We live in a townhouse with no family nearby and DH works over an hour away and is working a lot since he owns his own business. I'm actually holding off on wanting to buy a house b/c right now we are living pretty maintenance-free and I don't have to worry about our lawn or shoveling with an infant and toddler, especially with DH working a lot. Could you get a dog walker?

My friend gave me some good perspective when I was thinking about when to TTC#2 (or at all, since I felt pretty content with just one). She said to picture your family 5, 10, 20 years from now and not to just worry about the incidentals of now.

I will admit that I'm not a great baby mom, but I do toddler pretty well for the most part! So while I feel like a crazy person sometimes since this is not my parenting strength dealing with two little ones, I'm looking forward to them being just two years apart in school and close enough to do similar activities for awhile.

My sister and I are 3 1/2 years apart and that worked out just fine too!

Arnegard · November 2011

DD1 & 2 are 26 months, 1 week apart.

DD2 & 3 are 29 months apart.

Right now, I would say that Alex & Taylor are closer. Alex & Dylan are pretty close too. I can see Taylor liking Dylan more since Alex is in school FT, but it is harder since they don't really play together yet.

hayleydeee · November 2011

Our kids (will be) 3 years apart. We'd wanted to be a little closer, but things don't always work out as planned.

My sister and I are about 5 years apart, and when we were kids it always felt like we lived in different worlds. I think it might have been nice to be a bit closer in age. It's fine now, but we didn't have a whole lot in common nor did we really hang out together until we were in our 20's.

jallen76 · November 2011

20 months apart...

When they were little I hated it. Both were very needy and always said that if I could have planned it better, I would have had more of an age difference...

BUT...now, that they are 3 and 4 they are inseperable. They love playing together and for the most part get along pretty well. Frees up me so I can do other things. I love it!

goldenleaves · November 2011

Our kids will be about 26 months apart. We're happy with it! We actually wanted them closer together but we all know that it doesn't always work that way.

I'm a twin and I have a sister thats 5 years older. So a 1 minute age difference and a 5 year age difference. Both are fine age gaps!

DevonPow · November 2011

Ours will be almost 5 years apart. That is a perfect gap for us and our lifestyle....there i s no general "ideal" gap, and being close or far apart in age is no guarantee of sibling closeness.

webMistress0609 · November 2011

Not trying to be rude, but does your dog really need walked 4-5 times a day? Could you do 2-3 walks instead & just make the first & last walk longer to wear him/her out more? I had to do that with mine. I had to transition over a week or 2 but it worked.

My older sister & I are 3 yr 3 mo apart & are really close. My younger brother is 8.5 years younger & we are really, really close. My youngest sister is 16 years younger, & we are fairly close now but it took awhile. My SD is 11 years older than Ari & they aren't very close but that's more due to her personality & other factors.

I would've like to have another baby earlier (we're TTC now, have been for a few months), but Ari's 18 months were hell & I wasn't ready. I think 3 ish years will be a nice gap - they'll be close enough in age but Ari will be out of that needy/clingy stage. Well, hopefully he will anyway.

MAMAxB · November 2011

Obviously it's a personal preference but mine will be 20 months apart.

My brother and I were 5 years apart and I feel like it was too far - we were never close until we were adults so I've always known I wanted mine close together.

That and since we want 5+ kids, having them 2-3 years apart means me being pregnant for like 15 years. I'd rather crank them all out quickly

EnglishMajor03 · November 2011

DevonPow:
Ours will be almost 5 years apart. That is a perfect gap for us and our lifestyle....there i s no general "ideal" gap, and being close or far apart in age is no guarantee of sibling closeness.

Agree. Parker and Rowan are 27 months apart. I am currently TTC #3 and there will be a larger age gap, but I'm hoping no more than 36 months between Rowan and whatever new baby we have. So, for arguments' sake- 2 year and 3 years apart.

rach10782 · November 2011

webMistress0609:
Not trying to be rude, but does your dog really need walked 4-5 times a day? Could you do 2-3 walks instead & just make the first & last walk longer to wear him/her out more? I had to do that with mine. I had to transition over a week or 2 but it worked.
My older sister & I are 3 yr 3 mo apart & are really close. My younger brother is 8.5 years younger & we are really, really close. My youngest sister is 16 years younger, & we are fairly close now but it took awhile. My SD is 11 years older than Ari & they aren't very close but that's more due to her personality & other factors.
I would've like to have another baby earlier (we're TTC now, have been for a few months), but Ari's 18 months were hell & I wasn't ready. I think 3 ish years will be a nice gap - they'll be close enough in age but Ari will be out of that needy/clingy stage. Well, hopefully he will anyway.

You're not being rude at all. I didn't mean walked as in taken on a walk. I meant taken outside to go to the bathroom. I guess I said "walked" because since we are in the apartment it's now a b*tch and a half to take her outside.

penguingrrl · November 2011

I think any age gap can work well, it all depends on what works for that particular family. My two are 22 months apart and it has been great for us. Great enough, in fact, that instead of the 3 we were always planning we may have 4 kids and do a second set of 2 under 2. But my SIL had her two 3 years apart and loves that age difference. Her older one was potty trained and far more independent before her second was born, which was easier on her (and oh man does that year help in terms of independence!). My sister's fiance's parents had three kids spaced 4 years apart each and the three brothers are extremely close despite a "larger" age difference. It's all in the parenting!

eaglesfan700 · November 2011

Ours are 16 months apart and it has really worked out perfectly for us. We were blessed with great sleepers, which was key. If DS hadn't been such a great sleeper I am sure that would have affected our decision

The first month was brutal and of course there are horrible days here and there, but overall it was a lot easier than I anticipated.

They are such buddies now (at 3 and 2) and when I watch them play I truly think the best thing I ever did for DS was have DD.

However, the sleep issue is huge. DD started STTN for 6-7 hours around 6 weeks and she was EBF. If you are sleeping regularly, anything is possible

soapymk · November 2011

my daughter was 7 when her sister was born, and she was a big help. and I think she appreciates her sister more than a little one would but now we are expecting our 3rd and they will be 10 and 3

kcisthebombdotcom · November 2011

The great thing is when this question is generally answered, 98% of the people asked say they love the gap between their kids. No matter whether you choose 2,3, or 12 years apart you'll find some reason to appreciate it. I also think 3 years is close enough to be able to share similar interests.

To answer your original question, my kids are 12.5 months apart and it was the best decision I ever made.

MamatoJackson · November 2011

12 months... very happy with it. As with anyone else and their spacing, can't imagine doing it any other way.

treble_clef · November 2011

You are lucky if you can get pregnant when you want to. Believe me.

MrsBalletStar05 · November 2011

3 years. We wanted around 3-5 years in between our children. We got a bit anxious though with TTC #2, because TECHNICALLY they are 2 years 11 months apart, haha. I wanted time to get back to *me* for awhile before having another. They are not best friends (they are very different personalities), but they play together and love eachother. #2 cried 4 days in a row this week when #1 went to school :-( super cute, hehe.

kdiguise · November 2011

My first two are 16 months apart and I absolutely love it. #2 and #3 will be about 20 months apart and #1 and #3 will be exactly 3 years apart. I think it really just depends on the kind of person you are...we knew we wanted to have all of our kids close together so we just make it work. It's not always easy, but in my mind it's totally worth it for them to have someone so close in age and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. My siblings and I were all close in age (my mom had 5 kids in 7 years--two were twins), so I always knew I'd want them close.

StephNJer · November 2011

My two are 3 years apart. They absolutely adore each other. There is no perfect age gap, and every kid is different. I know some people who are a year apart from their sibling and aren't close at all, and some who are 8 years older and are super close with their sibling.

For us, 3 years apart has been awesome. DD was self sufficient enough to do quite a few things on her own and didn't "need" me as much when I was dealing with a newborn. She was also old enough to "help" me a little by getting things for me (which she loved to do). She was also potty trained so we never had to deal with two in diapers at once.

wifeandmama · November 2011

Exactly 2.5 years apart. It's been good! I could've done closer, like anywhere from 20 months onward. Both of my kids are AWFUL sleepers so that was tough for awhile, but we're used to it. But they play together and love each other dearly, so that's a lot of fun!

naturelle25 · November 2011

Mine are 19 months apart and it has been pretty rough for me. We wanted a larger gap but Owen surprised us:)They are just now starting to "play" together, so it is getting better. I think it being hard for me as a lot to do with my personality and DH's work schedule more than anything though.

Notwifezilla7 · November 2011

My girls are just under 22 months apart. I believe any closer, it would have a lot more difficult. It is getting really fun now, as they are starting to really play together. They look for each other the moment they wake up, push each others buttons, but still are best of friends.

Having had a sister 26 months younger, I had always hoped to have two girls close as well. Lucky for me it came to fruition.

Temp174496125006552 · November 2011

My kids are 14 years apart. I always thought that when I had children, they'd be a couple/few years apart, but sometimes life happens differently than you planned.

Like any age difference, it has it's pluses and minuses. It was great not having two in diapers/not STTN/teething, etc. at the same time. It's also nice that she can (and has) watched him for me if I need to run out and I didn't have the normal sibling rivalry that kids closer in age have. But they're so far apart in age that they have nothing in common and they're at two totally different points in their lives. She'll be in her third year of college when he starts kindergarten. Kinda crazy, but it is what it is.

Want a personalized experience?

If you have 2+ kids what is the age gap

Re: If you have 2+ kids what is the age gap

Choose Another Board

Search Boards