f/u to cousin faking pregnancy

pammeelala · November 2011

She claimed last week that she lost one of the babies. Today, she told her mom, by text, that the other one died today and she had to have a D&C. I am no expert, so I am not sure, but at 19 weeks can you even have a D&C? Would you already be out of the hospital and going back to work? Some how, I doubt it. I think I am done with this cousin. I just can't take the crazy any more. Cousin J had called her out a few weeks ago and cousin A still stuck to the story. Today just nailed the "you're a lying piece of ish" coffin shut. Sigh. I don't even know if it's worth calling her out, or just letting the relationship die as suddenly as her fake babies. That sounds awful

sunset+skies · November 2011

I had a D&C after a 19-week miscarriage when I was a teen, but that was AFTER I'd been passing large chunks for a few days, and it was ruled an "incomplete" miscarriage.

Physically, I was in pain, and had heavy bleeding that kept me out of school for a week. Emotionally, I was NOT ready to go back, but had to in order to maintain my grades to graduate on time. I was seriously fvcked up for several MONTHS after the fact. I doubt she'd be back at work the same day, or even a day later. Feeling movement, really KNOWING a baby was in there, then suddenly....not having that? It's mind-blowingly horrible.

In my not-so-humble opinion, your cousin is a low-life, lying piece of attention whoring crap, and I'd just cut all contact at this point.

pammeelala · November 2011

sunset+skies:

I had a D&C after a 19-week miscarriage when I was a teen, but that was AFTER I'd been passing large chunks for a few days, and it was ruled an "incomplete" miscarriage.

Physically, I was in pain, and had heavy bleeding that kept me out of school for a week. Emotionally, I was NOT ready to go back, but had to in order to maintain my grades to graduate on time. I was seriously fvcked up for several MONTHS after the fact. I doubt she'd be back at work the same day, or even a day later. Feeling movement, really KNOWING a baby was in there, then suddenly....not having that? It's mind-blowingly horrible.

In my not-so-humble opinion, your cousin is a low-life, lying piece of attention whoring crap, and I'd just cut all contact at this point.

Sadly, that's pretty much the concensus in the family.

pammeelala · November 2011

I should so very be sleeping right now, but I am still so angry that I can't. It's not like I didn't see this coming from the instant I heard she was "expecting" but I guess I was holding out hope that she really gained 30 pounds in 2 months from having a bun in the oven. I think most of the anger stems from when 2 weeks ago when I was in Cali visiting the family, she looked me in the eye, smiling, telling me all about her pregnancy and the symptoms she was going through and discussing names with me. I am angry for her daughters who don't know that they didn't actually lose 2 siblings. Angry that she could put them through that. Angry for the women I know, and those I don't, who have gone through such a huge loss and have grieved the lives of the most precious people ever. Angry at her disdain for her family and those who love her most. Just angry.

sunset+skies · November 2011

I don't doubt. I don't even know your cousin, and I'm disgusted and pissed off at her. It's like pretending you have cancer and saying it suddenly went into remission or something.

It's such a terrible thing to go through, and to see or hear of someone blithely tossing it around for attention.... it's enraging. I can't even begin to imagine the betrayal your family must be feeling right now.

How does her husband feel about this? Is he an unwitting victim who is uneducated about how pregnancy works? Or does he just turn a blind eye? It sounds like she probably needs mental help, and he'd be the one to enlist to try and help her get it.

pammeelala · November 2011

Her hubby is actually in year 3 or 4 of a 7 year prison stint for dealing coke. "Babies" were from an affair that she is still in, even though it's a very controlling relationship. According to her, hubby said since legally the babies would be his, he planned to fight for full custody of them when he got out in order to give them a better life than either cousin or affair could give them. But, really, who knows if there is any validity in that story. As for how affair is involved in the pregnancy, we aren't sure. He already has a 6 year old son, so it wouldn't have been his first go 'round with pregnancy, so we think she just made sure to have her doctor appointments when he wouldn't be able to get time off work.

She absolutely needs help. Unfortunately, you can't force it upon a 32 year old woman.

sunset+skies · November 2011

That's such an unfortunate situation. I hate that she has kids already that are involved in this sh*tstorm.

My concern at this point, and I'm sorry to worry you when you're already upset, if it's not one you've considered, is that when she realizes the fake pregnancy gets her nowhere anymore, she'll make up an illness for one of the kids. Who knows what harm she'd do to create "symptoms" of an imaginary disease.

pammeelala · November 2011

I honestly don't think that would be a concern. The girls are 15 and 12 and try to spend as little time with her as possible because they can't stand the men she chooses to have in her life. The 15 year old's dad is more concerned with drinking than her so she spends most her time at her Grandma's and the 12 year old lives with her dad about 75% of the time. As I type this out, I am really starting to feel like my family could easily fit into an episode or 4 of Springer...sigh.

sunset+skies · November 2011

Thank goodness they're relatively safe. Since they're so independant, is it possible for you to keep in touch with them, but not their mother?

And, just for my own curiosity, are you going to try and call her on it, since she's had a seemingly miraculous recovery? I'd love to know her reaction, because I'm a nosy parker.

pammeelala · November 2011

I talk to them fairly regularly on FB and by text. Cousin A, on the other hand, deleted her FB about a month ago and doesn't initiate contact while with Affair.

I have sent her messages this week asking about how doctors appointments have gone, asking if there has been any movement, etc and have received absolutely no reply. Cousin J, who is her SIL and technically my cousin-in-law but I am pretty close to her, sent her "You're really fvcking sick! And unless you come clean you can write my family off for good!" I have not said anything yet because I just found out at about 11pm and honestly, have no idea what to say. Or if it's worth saying anything. Rarely am I at a loss for words, but I have no idea what I could say that would get it through to her. Cousin J's text pretty well covered the bases.

sunset+skies · November 2011

If/when she replies, maybe say just that - cousin J's text is relevant to how you feel, and you want nothing to do with her.

kimbo1216 · November 2011

Yes. Everything your cousin did is horrible. However, I don't thin actions like these are done br someone in through right state of mind. She clearly needs major psychological help. Unfortunately, people like her don't often realize this and do not get the help they need. That's generally when you have to do what best dir your health and cut them off as much as possible.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Believe me, you are not the only one with so much family drama it could be a soap opera.

pammeelala · November 2011

I talked to my momma about it this morning. She feels we shouldn't cut her off. She is affraid that cousin A will attempt suicide if we all cut her off. She said that since A hasn't caused physical harm, legal issues, or stolen anything from us, what is the point of cutting her off. My answer to that is just because it wasn't physical, doesn't mean it wasn't harm. How many times do we have to go through that with her? She had no answer, just that she is sick and needs help. But again, you can't force it on her. So now I don't know what to do. I can't tolerate someone who will look me straight in the eye and lie so much. So should I force myself to tolerate it just because the person is family and needs help that I cannot provide?

sunset+skies · November 2011

Given the history, I can understand where your mom's coming from, but I can also see her taking like... a few extra pills and claiming an "overdose" to get attention. If she does, in the long run, it could be beneficial as she could be held in a psych ward as a danger to herself.

scarlette+noir · November 2011

pammeelala:
I talked to my momma about it this morning. She feels we shouldn't cut her off. She is affraid that cousin A will attempt suicide if we all cut her off. She said that since A hasn't caused physical harm, legal issues, or stolen anything from us, what is the point of cutting her off. My answer to that is just because it wasn't physical, doesn't mean it wasn't harm. How many times do we have to go through that with her? She had no answer, just that she is sick and needs help. But again, you can't force it on her. So now I don't know what to do. I can't tolerate someone who will look me straight in the eye and lie so much. So should I force myself to tolerate it just because the person is family and needs help that I cannot provide?

I vote no.

If this was your sister or some other immediate family member I may feel differently, but this is just one sick @ss cousin. Let her immediate family pick up the reins in helping her and cut her off.

If you are on the fence about what to do, just ask yourself if you want this woman around your children?

pammeelala · November 2011

scarlette+noir:

pammeelala:
I talked to my momma about it this morning. She feels we shouldn't cut her off. She is affraid that cousin A will attempt suicide if we all cut her off. She said that since A hasn't caused physical harm, legal issues, or stolen anything from us, what is the point of cutting her off. My answer to that is just because it wasn't physical, doesn't mean it wasn't harm. How many times do we have to go through that with her? She had no answer, just that she is sick and needs help. But again, you can't force it on her. So now I don't know what to do. I can't tolerate someone who will look me straight in the eye and lie so much. So should I force myself to tolerate it just because the person is family and needs help that I cannot provide?

I vote no.

If this was your sister or some other immediate family member I may feel differently, but this is just one sick @ss cousin. Let her immediate family pick up the reins in helping her and cut her off.

If you are on the fence about what to do, just ask yourself if you want this woman around your children?

I think this is what I need to keep in mind, because the answer is absolutely not. If it were not a member of the family it wouldn't have been a question.