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Husband missing baby's birth bc of Deployment
My husband found out that he is being deployed very soon to Iraq and is going to miss the baby's birth 
. We're four months pregnant now. He'll get back when the baby is about 3 months old. You hear about this happening, but you never think it will actually happen to your family. I was wondering if anyone else has the same situation happening to them. Either they will be missing the birth or you've had to deal with that in the past!
It's really tough since this is our first baby and we both want him to be there for such wonderful miracle. It breaks my heart that the first time he will meet our son/daughter will be at an airport. But I guess this is what they mean by sacrifices made for our Country.
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Re: Husband missing baby's birth bc of Deployment
Depending on your hospital, you can Skype while you?re at the hospital. If he is unable to be on the computer during the delivery you could always record it and send it to him. It will not be the same as if he was there with you but it will be something. After the birth at least once a week, take a photo and send it to him. It is amazing how much they change week to week. When he?s able to call put the phone on speaker so your little one can hear his voice.
My husband was in Iraq when our daughter was born. He actually requested R&R in June but got it in April instead.. Not really ideal, but we made it work, he was able to help me set things up and get situated.. It was also nice for it to be our last time as just the two of us.. He came home when she was 6 months old. So he missed out on the first months.. Which is sad, but I posted pictures on facebook and we Skyped as often as we could. It helped. Just know you're not alone in this. I would surround myself with family and friends if I were you. That helped me a lot.. Any deployment is tough, but with a new born and being a 'single' parent is even harder.
Good luck! You can always contact me to vent!
In the same boat. Got a BFP two weeks ago and Hubby is leaving for Afghanistan next month. He'll miss the birth and not be back until the baby is 2 months old
this is our first too and was not exactly planned so it's going to be really really hard to be here alone. I'm just glad to have my sisters near me for support.
It is not ideal, heck, it sucks, BUT, it's life with a military spouse. You can choose to be miserable about it and wish it were different OR, you can deal with your feelings (which are appropriate) and then move forward making plans and ensuring that you have a good, solid support network in place.
FWIW, I am so thankful that my DH is home now (my LO will be 19 months old tomorrow). LO is so much more fun AND more work. Taking care of LO, without DH, as an infant was easier, IMO. I look forward to when DH gets home from work and can pitch in now!
I was about 14 weeks pregnant when my husband left for a year. We knew he would miss it and we decided to have R&R after she was born. My first 2 kids were born early so we didn't know how to try and plan for him to be there-good thing we didn't try because she actually stayed in until 38 weeks. He came home when she was 2 months old and it was great. We were into a routine already so he wouldn't be coming when all she was doing was sleeping and eating. I had my best friend in the room with me (no family around since I was in Germany) and my other friend took care of my older kids.
It worked well for us. He was actually online when my water broke so he was the first to know. My friend was an awesome support in the delivery room with me.
We used webcams a TON so he was able to see her and she could see and hear him. I think it worked pretty good because for R&R and when he came home (6 months old) she never was scared of him like she was any other men she was around.
It may not be an ideal situation but you can make the best of it. I had already told all of my family and friends back home that no one would see photos until after he seen them. I felt like that was the least I could do since he couldn't be there. My mom was mad when I originally told her but I know he would have been hurt if everyone seen her before he did. He seen her on the webcam and photos about an hour or 2 after me leaving the hospital.
Make sure you have 2 back ups. I had 3 backups for a place for my older girls to be and my best friend (who is a SAHM) had left her schedule clear for me the last few weeks of my pregnancy.
I would much rather my husband miss the pregnancy and birth than the entire first year. He has been home for her first birthday, her first steps, first words etc. I dealt fine having a newborn and 2 other kids alone. It all fell into place for us.
My H was deployed when I was 4 months pregnant with our second and will come home when the baby is 6 months old. It was hard not having him there for the birth, but we got through it. Skype wasn't an option, but my mom was able to e-mail him updates during my labor and H saw a photo of the baby taken from my cell phone just minutes after he was born. He got to meet him on R&R when the baby was a week old, and I was so happy that we timed R&R the way we did rather than trying to get him home for the birth itself. This way he got to spend as much time as possible with both our children, and I had his support for those first difficult weeks.
The best advice I can give you as someone who has BTDT is to make sure you have family and friends who will be with you when the baby is born and who can help you (emotionally and with practical matters) for at least the first month.
re PP's question... OperationSpecialDelivery.org is the site for a free labor doula during deployments.
My DH missed DD's birth because he was in the field training and couldn't be brought to the hospital in time, so even when they're not deployed, there's no guarantee they'll be there. This time he'll be gone from 7 wks pregnant to 3 months old, and we requested his R&R for a few weeks after the due date because honestly I'd rather him around to bond and help out than sit and wait on a baby who might or might not arrive during his R&R. Ironically, years ago my parents' PCS date overseas was 3 months before I was due, so my mom stayed stateside with family to have me and we joined my dad after... guess solo births are in my genes lol.
My hubby was away on orders, but he was able to come back for 3 days after the baby was born. He missed the birth, but was there a few hours later. He didn't come back for good until DD was three months old.
It was hard. Really hard. There was definitely a lot of adjusting once he finally got home. Things were completely different and he had to learn fast how things work. We fought quite a bit at first because he didn't really know how to help me, and he didn't understand what I'd been through the last few months and how I'd changed since becoming a mother.
I wish you the very best! It will be hard, but you will survive. Seek help wherever you can! You will certainly need it!
I'm in a very similar situation (potentially... he hasn't received official orders yet). I'm almost 18 weeks pg with our first LO and they keep telling DH that they will be deploying him. They've changed the location twice already and the month of departure twice. If the orders do go through, we are planning on packing up our stuff (putting it in storage) and I will move back home (18 hours away from here) to live with family. I've only been here with him at this base for 7 1/2 months, and don't have a support network here.
I hope things work out for you. Just know, you're definitely not alone.
DF deployed 2 weeks after we found out I was pregnant. This was also our first child, so he missed the entire pregnancy. He planned his R&R for the birth, but unfortunately, missed it by 1 day. He got the spend his full 2 weeks with our son though, which was awesome. Unfortunately, I didnt get alot of pictures of them together, but we did get some professional ones done.
DF will be back in a short time now and I couldn't be happier. DS will be just short of 4 months when he sees his Daddy again.
We talk all the time on skype, so DS does get to hear his daddy's voice, and I think that helps. We also got one of the recordable books so he hears daddy everyday.
My main advice is that you find a labor buddy. My best friend took care of me my entire pregnancy (hormones and all) and was there to bring DS into this world. She even cut the umbilical cord. I was lucky though, because Im from the base area, and my mom lived 5 houses down. We arent particularly close, but the main thing is that I had a great support system, and thats what you really need.
Good luck! Pregnancy makes the deployment FLY by!!
Operation Special Delivery is a program that gives you a free doula if your service member is deployed.
My husband is currently in Afghanistan. We did IVF in December because that would put the due date in September (he is to come home in August). IVF worked...and we are having twins (first pregnancy). Unfortunately, he likely won't be back in time for their births. It stinks, but we'll make it. It's helps to hear all the stories of other people who have been through the same thing so you don't feel so alone.
I'm late to the party, but I am going through it right now.
We found out DH was deploying when I was 6 weeks pregnant. He left for training when I was 24 weeks, came home at 38 weeks for one week of leave. He left for Afghanistan at that point, and I delivered at 42 weeks.
He still hasn't met DD, but will hopefully have R&R soon! And will redeploy around DD's 1st birthday.
I was terrified in the time leading up to it, but now that I'm in the middle of it- I have moments where I think it sucks, but for the most part I'm fine. Its going by super fast, and its not as bad as I had imagined it would be.
GL!!
Alot of hospitals are able to skype the whole thing. I know its not the same thing, but bein a military wife you gotta be thankful for every little thing you get. Try to be happy that atleast we arent in the vietnam or wwII era when the guys were gone for 3 years at a time, made NO money and email andskype didnt exist. I know its no consolation, I was where you are once, but hopefuly you can look back and remember how strong the whole thing made you guys.