I am so super pissed off right now.
ateal2490
member
So, there's this fellow unit wife that I am kind of, sort of friends with-and I want to kill her right now.
She has 2 kids. The boy is 5 and is autistic. The girl is turning 4 and does not speak because no one ever tried with her so she followed her brother's patterns. The unit wife shows OBVIOUS preference to the boy..she allows him to beat the living crap out of his little sister and doesn't even say a word-but if the little girl does anything at all, she gets in a huge amount of trouble. The kid punched me in the stomach 3 times and no one even said a word.
So, the boy's birthday was in April. He had a huge party that took months of planning and quite a bit of money. She turned it into a FB event, inviting anyone and everyone to come celebrate.
Cool, whatever.
Now, the little girl's birthday is in a week.
No FB announcement.
No party.
No gifts.
She claims they "can't afford it" (and she uses that term very loosely.....she always says they're broke..even if they have 4k in their account).
My first thought is SELL SOMETHING.
Seriously. They have a huge TV, an xbox, a crotch rocket that they JUST BOUGHT...(like seriously...3 days ago) 2 computers and a bunch of other stuff that could bring some money if posted on CL.
Am I overreacting? I think I would sell my wedding ring before I allowed my child's birthday to go unnoticed...especially since she just saw her big brother get a huge party.
To boot, her daddy is on a trip, so she won't even get to see him on her birthday.
Wtf is wrong with people.
Re: I am so super pissed off right now.
I'm just saying, if you are too broke to even buy a damn birthday cake, its time to live without an xbox.
I want to kick her ass right now. That little girl is going to be so traumatized for the rest of her life, because her mom is a worthless piece of sh!t...
Her kids should be taken away from her.
I'm really beginning to think she literally dislikes the little girl.
Which is terrible since she barely ever sees her dad.
Agreed. Did I mention neither child is potty trained?
I don't see how you can be ok with your mothering performances if you have a child that doesn't speak nor use the bathroom at four years old.
Those poor children. Both of them.
I would buy the girl a birthday cake and gift and take it to her on her birthday.
Side note: I'm very curious how you know she just bought a crotch rocket three days ago. Is this something she publicized?
Posted on FB baby....like 10 pictures.
WTF??? Yep... tell me where she lives I'll beat the *** out of her then take her kids and get the little boy with autism the help he needs, and give the little girl the love she deserves. Someone has to be severely fvcked up in the head to give life to these two little children and let them wilt away in heartache and misunderstanding.
Okay, a crotch rocket in my book is a sex toy. A motorcycle never occurred to me, ha. I kept thinking, "She wants them to sell a dildo on CL?"
ETA: I just Googled "crotch rocket" and the entire first page is motorcycle related. My mind is clearly demented.
Completely agreed.
That is the reason I've kept up a sort of friendship I don't actually want....so that little girl can know that someone gives a flying fvck about her.
Omg. BOB just got itself a new name.
Gutter mind haha!
I have seen other people react the same way with their kids where they favor one over the other. It makes me feel so sad for that child. And even if they didn't have the money for a big party they should at least put something together for the DD.
♥ Married since June 2009 ♥
TW: Living children & Losses:
Pregnant after 4 losses via IVF/FET with daughter "Gamma" (EDD Oct 2, 2019)
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1. I know because I've known the little girl since she was 1.
2. I know its not because of her being autistic because she was tested for it...and isn't, and I also know that she isn't really spoken to.
Mommy's favorite saying?
"You don't have a mommy."
The little girl is super social, loves girly things, and is always trying to play with anyone and everyone she can.
I know its normal for an autistic child not to be potty trained. I also know if your non-autistic child can change their own diaper, than there is an issue.
They spent the first 2 years I was here in their rooms. Seriously. I swear, 10 hours a day in their rooms.
All they do is watch TV from sun up to son down.
This little girl doesn't have learning issues...she isn't being taught.
If you're certain that she's not going to do anything at all for her birthday, then I would ask the mom if you can stop over for a visit on the girl's birthday, and bring a small cake, a balloon, and a small gift. I would make it all in the spirit of "I just wanted to bless you,[the mom] since you mentioned that times were hard right now" and then give that girl a ton of attention. Swallow your instinct to go off on the mom, and just make it about the girl.
I promise you, even at 4 years old, she will remember that. You could make an impact on her that sticks with her for the rest of her life. She would at least know that someone cares.
She talks in gibberish, but loves to show off her room, her clothes, go outside with us, be around people...that is how she's social. She knows ....maybe 80 words but does not speak in sentences.
She went in for an eval about 5 months ago. Her cognitive skills were fine, she understands whatever is asked of her, but she cannot speak in sentences. After that one eval, her mother never followed through. And in the Army, doctors don't hound you about not following up with paperwork. She's also not in school.
If you don't want to take my word for it, fine.
But what I see happens shapes my opinion on her current "condition" with speech. If no one takes the time to speak with you...you don't learn how to speak properly.
Are these kids in school? Certain people (Drs., teachers, daycare workers, social workers, etc.) are mandatory reports of child abuse, and trained to look for this type of stuff. Only from what you've posted it sounds like the daughter the is "target child". I think CPS would take this type of behavior very seriously, if reported.
She tells her daughter "You don't have a mommy" ????
Now I'm crying.
I didn't read all of the posts but if I were you I would ask the mom if I could babysit the little girl and then if she said yes, I would have a little cake for her at my house.
I know it doesn't make up for what her parents have done, but it does give her some recognition of her special day.
WOW! How insensitive!
I completely agree with the original topic of not throwing a party for the younger daughter, that's just plain mean to the poor girl. But to suggest that her child's possible autism (not speaking and not toilet training at 4 with an older brother with autism is a BIG red flag that she is also autistic) is caused by mothering is completely out of line. Go learn something about autism and come back with a better attitude.
She has clarified that the girl does not have autism. She said she has been tested and there is no sign of it. I am gonna say that woman is just a bad mother!
While I understand that the mom is saying the girl in not on the spectrum, as a neighbor and a loving figure in the girls life, I would not take her word to be gold.
Not being potty trained, having only about 80 words and speaking in jargon are HUGE red flags for autism. I know you mentioned a few times that the girl is very social. I have two boys, both on the spectrum. They are both very social, however their social interactions are not appropriate for their developmental age. Being autistic does not make a person a shut in, it often presents itself as having inappropriate social interactions. This often times does not become obvious until the child is a little older, if they are a social being.
There is also some current researching being conducted that there is a much higher ratio of siblings on the spectrum than what was previously believed. I have strong ties to my local autism community and I know many families, including mine that have several children on the spectrum. It is looking more and more like there is a genetic link in some cases. Which brings me to my next point... I also know many families, mine included, where one of the parents is found to be on the spectrum. My husband has not been diagnosed, but as we have learned more and more about autism, it has become painfully obvious that a lot of his deficit areas fall within the DSM criteria for diagnosing autism.
That being said, try not to judge that mom so harshly. Unless you have lived the life of having several special needs children, you just cannot understand the stress that comes with it. I love both of my children more than anything in this world, but some days I just want to give up because it is so difficult. I barely got a birthday party scheduled for my own son this year because I was so stressed out with life and the thought of adding a birthday party just about put me over the top. In the end, he had a wonderful, low key party that we all enjoyed.
However, I will agree with you that more needs to be going on in that household. Not getting BOTH of those children the help they need will only exasperate the problem. I hope the mother is able to find a support system to get that into place and get the children the outside help they need and deserve.
I don't even know how to wrap my head around that. It's not even human to dislike your own child WTF. I wouldn't be able to be around her because I'd punch her in the face.
I think you need to go back and read the entire situation a little bit more closely before flying off the handle.
THIS!!!! Omg...I can't even begin to imagine what that little girl is going through...Please please reach out to her whenever you can, so that she knows there is someone in the world who cares about her. Honestly, I'm sobbing right now, and just want to go to wherever this child lives and take her away myself (obviously not legal, moral, etc and I wouldn't actually do it, but that's my knee-jerk reaction- to just get her out of that situation right now). I would at least call CPS, say everything you've told us, explain that you obviously don't know the entire situation and there could be mitigating factors you're unaware of, but that it doesn't seem to be a healthy situation for anyone and you're concerned and think the family needs help.
I don't care about a big party, but for crying out loud get her a cake for Costco (it's like $20 for a big sheet cake) and a thing of ice cream and invite people! That would thrill her to no end!! I don't believe kids have to have huge parties, but come on ... that just breaks my heart.
Would mom allow you to take her for the afternoon? Say something along the lines of "hey, I understand money is tight, but I'd hate to see her birthday go unnoticed, can I take her to McDonald's for lunch and a treat?" Something??????
I don't know your situation but maybe you could try and take an interest in the little girl and help her along? Or would that just cause issue with mom?
I didn't read any of the other responses so if someone already said all this, sorry!!!
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IVF Take 2 Long Lupron July 2011
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Ok, I just read the rest of the responses. Let me start this by saying I own a private preschool (center, not in home .... we currently have 45 children enrolled). A 4 year old with an 80 word vocabulary that speaks mainly jibberish and isn't potty trained would raise HUGE red flags in my world. I would definitely look into Autism as a possibility especially with an older sibling diagnosed. However, you've stated that she has been tested and thus far is not on the spectrum.
A mother telling her child "you don't have a mommy" repeatedly and allowing an older child (special needs or not) to continually hit your younger child is abuse. Abuse comes in many forms ... not always the typical black and blue marks. In this case it's emotional abuse and probably neglect.
At 4 years old she isn't required to be in school. In some states a child is not required to be enrolled in school until 1st grade. So her not having her child in school may not be a great idea, it doesn't necessarily constitute a legal issue.
I will admit that I don't know much about the military system, so maybe these are stupid questions, however, do you live on base? Is there someone on post you could "report" this family to that would investigate? I'm not saying the children need to be taken away, but they family might need some services. Is she getting any help for the older autistic child? Is he in any sort of therapy? As another poster pointed out, ASD comes in many fashions and not every autistic child is non verbal, afraid of crowds and not socialized. In fact, some are very verbal and love being around others.
In all honesty, this sounds like a pretty horrible mother, but I'm trying to give her a little bit of benefit of the doubt (although I suspect she doesn't deserve it). I couldn't just walk away from a situation like that, but then again, I'm a mandated reporter.
Our Journey to Brenden
IVF #1: 4/11(Follistim/Menopur/Ganirelix) 10 retrieved/8 mature and all 8 fertilized / 2 embies transferred ... nothing to freeze Beta 5/10 = BFN
IVF Take 2 Long Lupron July 2011
ER 7/3/11 (our 6th anniversary) - 8 retrieved/7 mature/fert ....ET 7/6/11 - 2 beautiful grade A 8 cell embryos
Beta 7/18/11 - 149!!! Beta 7/21/11 - 311 Beta 7/28/11 - 2,000 8/5/11 - Empty Sac 8/8/11 - There's a yolk sac and maybe a heartbeat 8/12/11 - Fetal pole, yolk sac, heartbeat 8/18/11 - Baby looks GREAT!
3 babies waiting on ice
I completely agree that it is a type of abuse. All that I've been able to do is be involved. I take the little girl out as much as I can. Her mom has no problem with me taking her for the day...so I do. Quite a bit.
The thing that cements the whole "not in spectrum" thing for me is the fact that she can learn....my husband and I stayed with this woman for a bit while her husband was gone...and we taught her at least half of those words. My husband taught her how to say "princess" and I taught her her colors and some of her abc's. We weren't there long enough to make a huge difference...but she picked it up right away. Teaching her to say "I love you" was about the cutest thing ever...I was so surprised she'd never learned it before.
Furthermore, I'm not the 'talk about your neighbor" kind of girl.
The main point was that I was mad that the mother opted out of doing anything for her little girl, like always.