- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
D.C. Area Babies
Mama Angelina
member
Do you and hubby have 'best' friends?
Mama Angelina
member
I was just thinking the other night how I have several close friends who I can turn to when I need help with something, and who ask me for advice or lean on me during times of need. In general our neighborhood playgroup is pretty tight-knit and supportive of each other, and we have other friends through church, but I don't really share things like struggles in my extended family or other stressful events because I don't want to add to peoples' own stress in their lives. This is what I imagine one would do with their best friend...the kind of close through thick-and-thin friendships I see on TV.
I don't feel like I've had a 'best friend' since college. My long-term closest friends (my bridesmaids) live on the West Coast so I rarely see them and we talk every couple months on the phone, with some emails and cards too. When we do catch up it is very familiar and comfortable, which I love. I care deeply about them and really value our friendship, but I don't get the chance to share day to day stuff with them like one would with a 'bestie.' 
DH doesn't have any close local friends, and he says he doesn't care. I really think he doesn't mind one bit. But he does have 'buddies' for happy hour or occasional game of flag football, etc. We kind of realized that we are each other's best friend right now. Life is hectic raising kids and while I sometimes long for the girlfriend I am dying to call with every piece of good news or is the first person I call when I need to cry, I just don't have a lot of time/energy to devote to nurturing another soul at the moment and that is what is needed in a solid friendship.
And I would love for DH to have some local close friends like he did in college if he wanted to have them, but he is content to just hang out here at home and play fantasy sports with his faraway college buddies. I guess that means more family time with us, which is nice.
I am interested to hear if this is something that happens naturally as we get older and build our families or if we are the only loners and should branch out more, haha!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Do you and hubby have 'best' friends?
I think it's normal to grow apart from old close friends and to have some difficulty making new ones as we get older. Life, work, kids and distance get in the way.
I just saw my best friend of 20 years for the first time in almost two years this past weekend. The good news is it was like we had never lost any time together...
DH and I spend most of our time together, with some interaction with other couples. We're OK with it this way.
I don't have one BFF, but I have a few friends who I've known for 10+ years and I'm still close with them. We don't chat for hours on the phone every day or anything like that, but we're all married and most of us have kids now, so our priorities and lifestyles are different than they used to be. We still get together every couple of months, and we keep up via email and facebook in between those times.
I definitely have a best friend, and we've been best friends for 20 years. We actually both ended up here in NoVA after college (a year apart) and even both teach at the same school. I feel SO lucky - as an only child she is like a sibling to me and I cannot imagine what I would do without her.
DH has three close friends and I am close friends with their wives too, but he doesn't have a true "best" friend. They are people who would be there in a second to help us watch DS, through a crisis, etc., so I think we are very lucky that way too.
I am not good at making "new" friends though - I always want to go up and just start talking to moms I see at playspaces/parks, etc...but I'm just not that outgoing!
I think DH is my best friend. I'm still friends with the women who were my best friends before him, but it's not the same. It's what I'm comfortable with. I have lots of female friends, but DH comes first.
DH is the same way. He has college buddies and Marine Corps buddies that he's close to, but I come first.
DH definitely does not have a BF. He has some friends from HS that he gets together with periodically and they all call each other while watching the Redskins but that's about it. Sometimes I know more about his friends than he does because I'm on FB and he's not.
As for me, I feel very fortunate to have a BFF. We have been best friends for almost 20 years. Until we had children, we talked on the phone almost daily. Now that we both have kids, we probably talk 1-2 times a week. The nice thing is that we can sometimes just have a 2-5 min conversation and then one of us can be like "I've gotta go - kid screaming" and we just get off the phone but it's no big deal. We have been friends through thick and thin and she knows me like no one else does. We can tell each other pretty much anything. She's the person I can call when I'm balling crying about something and the same for her to me. I think the last time I saw her was almost a year and a half ago (she lives in Boston) but it doesn't feel that way. I feel so fortunate to have her in my life.
I don't have a local best friend. I did have a longtime childhood friend that lived in the area for about 5 years, but she just moved back home last year.... honestly, that was fine with me. I still love her, but our relationship is not what it once was.... our families are not really compatible for lots of hanging out.
My BFF lives 600 miles away. We've been close friends since the 4th or 5th grade... We don't talk *every* day now, but close to it. We usually talk for like 30 minutes on our way home from work. I really wish she lived nearby, because it would be a lot of fun.
But, they like small town living, and I would stab my eyeballs out.
With work and everything else, it just seems really hard to foster close relationships around here. That's why I love you guys. You're my "local" friends and support network, even if we're not BFFs, and never meet IRL!
DH and I actually each have four people we consider a "best" friend, and a pretty large group of good friends. But, we both went to high school in Fairfax County, went to college at George Mason, and now live here, so we've had a ton of opportunities to meet and keep people in the area.
We are both very social, and often do the couple thing (since two of my bests are married to two of his bests!), and we're the ones trying to plan dinners, going to brewfest, etc. We are also the only ones with a kid, so thats been a little tricky lately, but I think we are back on track now. DH and I rarely do alone date nights - and the two times we've done dinner since Guinevere was born, we met up immediately after with friends for some drinks.
Both DH and I have best friends. My BF lives in MD and we usually see each other once a month and talk on the phone weekly. I don't think there is anything I wouldn't share with her. My parents think of her as a member of the family and she's been to most of my brother's weddings. I also have a group of close friends that I've made since moving here twelve years ago. Many of us got married and started having children around the same time so we've really had the opportunity to journey together on a lot of new fronts. One of that group lives really close by and she is equally close to my husband. We see her weekly, if not more often. Both DH and I think of her as a sister. I am also very close to my mom, I talk to her daily on the phone and I would consider her, outside of my DH, the person I am most close to in this world.
DH's bestie lives outside Philly and their children are about the same age as ours. It is always a blast to get together with them, but it doesn't happen nearly as often as any of us would like. He talks to his BF weekly as well.
I will say that I've learned over our marriage that it's important for me to turn to DH for both emotional and daily support. He really is my rock and partner. Not that it's changed the need for outside counsel, but it's made our relationship stronger and prioritized our bond by turning to him first in celebration, need and just sharing the mundane.
We both have BFFs :-) Actually, I have 3 and he has 2. I think I have a unique relationship with my friends where we talk a lot, our at the same stages with kids and are not afraid to discuss taboo topics like money, politics, kid troubles, pregnancy/childbirth issues, etc....
It has been good for us to have an outlet with our friends. DH and I are best friends but we also value those other relationships.
I do, although like you it's not the same as when we were younger. I've had the same BFF since we were seven. We went to college together and lived together during and after off and on. She was my MOH, all that good stuff. But she moved to CA and things are a little different now. We're still close, but we're not as involved in each other's day-to-day lives. Plus, she doesn't have a kid, and while she totally adores J, we are at different stages in our lives. I will say we have been making good use of Facetime lately, though :-)
I do have other close friends in the area, who I see a lot more often, although most of them don't have kids either.
But we are definitely more social and involved in each other's lives than DH and his friends. He has friends, even one who I think he would deem is "best" friend, but they rarely see each other--they mostly communicate over e-mail and even that is sporadic. When they do get together, it's like nothing's changed, but they don't really have deep conversations about life and parenthood and what not. I think DH does that more with me than anyone . . .
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
DH has no super-close friends, he has FB friends but he never goes out with friends, he would much rather stay home and play w/ his electronic "toys." I don't mind
I have girl friends and we do girls' nights out, playdates, etc.
We also have mostly married friends and we GTG with them for parties, BBQs, etc - these are usually family-friendly events.
One of my oldest friends is still my friend and we email often, talk sometimes but even though we both have kids (she's going to TTC #2 soon) we are on always on the same wavelength. She didn't even come to my kids' b-days this year (she's local).
I don't have that "must-talk-to-everyday-and-share-everything" friend anymore, honestly, I don't have time to talk on the phone.
DH and I are e.o.'s best friend.
I think the kind of best friend you're referring to, no, we don't. For my DH and I that person is each other. We each have friends we are close with, and DH does have a "best friend", but none are ones that we tell anything and everything to these days.
We each have friends that a lot of time can pass and we pick up right where we left off... but we don't talk/see each other often. Basically the day to day befriefs/chatting and sharing personal family stuff, that is definitely spouse territory in our relationship.
I have a best friend I've known since I was five years old - so for 32 years!!!! She lives in NJ (my home state) and works in NYC. If she lived closer I don't know that we'd hang out a whole lot - she's single and no kids.
We used to talk every Sunday for hours, now it's more like every other Sunday. She is my rock and means the world to me. She was my MOH.
DH has no best friends - though some of his parents are his "best friends" - I guess more like confidantes. His bio mom (married to husband #3) and his bio dad (married to a bitchy step-MIL) are the two people he tells everything.