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Maryland Babies
New baby.. toddler having a rough time
Hi all,
We brought our new little one home almost 6 weeks ago and my 20 month old (Ava) is having a very difficult time.
No matter how much attention I give her, whenever it comes time for me to take care of the baby, she freaks out. Throws a temper tantrum on the floor and it takes a long time for her to calm down. If she isn't throwing a tantrum, she is getting into things she knows she shouldn't, like the fridge.
Yesterday, she had a fit in the car upon waking. I have never seen her so upset. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and even starting pulling out chunks of her hair.
I feel terrible and guilty that she is going through this. Does anyone have any ideas of ways I can help her get through this? I know one of the problems is that she is overly tired. In the past couple weeks, she has decided to wake up at 5 am instead of 7 am. I am keeping her nap and bedtime consistent and hoping that she goes back to her normal waking time. Not really sure what to do about that either.
Pretty much, I am at a loss! Would love some help.
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Re: New baby.. toddler having a rough time
Is she showing signs of being tired before her regular nap time?
I would let her and try to get her to sleep whenever you can. If she wakes up at 5, would she fall back asleep if she came into bed w/ you?
My DD was a little older when my DS was born, but those first few weeks we definitely had some mornings where DD woke up early and ended up in our bed, just so we could all get some sleep. I know it's not ideal, but the older siblings are very aware of everything- and DD knew that DS was in our room in the bassinet and I don't think she liked being alone.
I know 20 months is young, but are you talking to her about everything that is going on? even if it just seems like you are talking to yourself, talk her through everything you are doing with the new baby. Let her know what is going on.
Is there anything you could give her as a job, even if it seems silly? Or give her a little toy to give to the baby that she can hold onto when you feed the baby, or give her a baby doll so she can mimic you caring for the baby, etc?
I am going through some adjustment right now in my house even though my DS is a bit older. My biggest thing is that no matter how tired or frazzled I am I stop and think how to phrase things to make DS feel important. I will frequently ask him to hand me diapers, etc because he really likes helping out.
I also emphasize as much as possible that it is HIS little brother rather than OUR baby, if that makes sense. Even though I am bf-ing around the clock I still try to stick to DS's regular bedtime routine and read him stories every night before bed. And finally, flame me, but the baby has gotten him a few small gifts which has eased things a bit.
Hope things get better for you soon!
We had and are having a rough time with this too. I have noticed that every few weeks it seems like they adjust a little more. What did help was that DH would hold the baby and I would hold one of them and have them pat her and we would praise them like crazy for anything nice that they did around her. So she seemed like a way to get a reward. (if that makes sense?)