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Parenting after 35
Pesky
member
XP: WWYD re gift exchange
Pesky
member
Finally convinced DH's family to do a name-drawing among the adults for Christmas (hallelujah!). I was talking about it [finally being able to do name-drawing/Secret Santa with DH's siblings] with my brother and SIL and saying how it was so bad buying them [DH's siblings and their spouses] stuff when we (all my siblings, spouses and us) had agreed not to exchange gifts [among adults only for both birthdays and Christmas].
SIL said "Wait, that's for Christmas too? I thought that was only for birthdays." Please note she can be a bit slow about following stuff as she also was the one who screwed up my arrival date and said I was arriving Friday and not Thursday for our summer trip. We've been doing zero gifts for about 2-3 years now. I usually still send a nominal something but no requirement.
I reassured her it was for Christmas too as that was the intent, that we had what we needed and the finances of her family and my sister's family couldn't afford gifts for more. SIL said that we should really start exchanging names and doing a secret Santa drawing.
Here's the thing: what I really think this means is she wishes I would go back to buying them [brother and SIL] Christmas presents instead of sending wine or the like. [To clarify, I normally send to my brother and SIL and to my sister and BIL some smaller things for them as a couple, usually things like wine or foodstuffs. In the past, I have spent easily $50pp on gifts prior to marriage, mortgage and kids so you can see that wine and etc. was kind of a downgrade.] She has complained before about my sister's presents. I also don't think this is going to be thrilling news for my sister as they are struggling how to figure out going back to visit BIL's family in Ireland with 5 plane tickets to buy and a house that still needs repair. I'm going to talk about it with my sister but WWND? Kill it and say we're fine going along as we are? Do a name draw but keep the $ value low (say $10-20)? I'm a little irritated she is raising it at such a late date but get that it [still giving gifts even a la Secret Santa to DH's siblings versus no gifts (or token ones) to my siblings] is a bit of a disparity in the treatment of DH's siblings and ours. TIA!!
ETA: apparently much needed clarity in brackets.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
This discussion has been closed.
Re: XP: WWYD re gift exchange
So as things are you buy wine or the like for everyone but you want to do a name draw and she wants to get presents? Weird.
Personally I'd prefer the wine, but considering the weirdness I'd go with the Secret Santa.
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Pesky darling.. I love ya.. but I had to read this 5 times to figure out who's who in the zoo, so to speak.
I say a "family" gift that everyone in the household can enjoy is perfectly fine. If she wants to do something more extensive, that's her decision. People who can't afford it should not be obligated to keep up with those who can.
Personally, I'd love to convince both sides of our families to draw names. So I give DH's cousins restaurant gift cards every year. Oh well.
I'm honestly confused.
What does this mean?
I was talking about it with my brother and SIL and saying how it was so bad buying them stuff when we (all my siblings, spouses and us) had agreed not to exchange gifts.
And what don't you do gifts for? Birthdays, Christmas, or both?
I also don't understand:
what I really think this means is she wishes I would go back to buying them Christmas presents instead of sending wine or the like.
And what disparity are yo utalking about?
I'm a little irritated she is raising it at such a late date but get that it is a bit of a disparity in the treatment of DH's siblings and ours
At a minimum (due to your talk about your sisters finances) is that secret santa can VERY easily be a voluntary thing. You want to do it but your sister doesn't? That's fine. The people who want to participate do so. Some people are left w/o gifts to open? Oh well, that's actually THEIR choice.
But really.... I'm confused.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Ha! This. So, I'm just going to take a stab at posting something relevant! I like the idea of a name draw for adults with a limit.,,,maybe up to $50 if that's not too much since everyone is only buying one gift. Wine is also a great idea, if that's what you've been doing in the past. I'd just tell SIL that everyone is watching their budget, and it's the best compromise.