too young for a cell phone? (update)
My daughter is 8 y/o and in 3rd grade. She likes to be able to text me and call me on my way to work and once I am there before she goes to school. She gets up with me in the mornings and uses my b/f cell phone. He has said once he gets his iPhone he no longer wants her to use it. Me not being able to take her to school 2-3 days a week is hard for her because she feels like she doesn't get to see me much during the week. I have a weird work schedule.
I suggested adding a line to our plan and getting her a free phone which she would only be allowed to use from the time I leave for work until he gets up. Also, since her father doesn't like calling my phone to talk to her she could use the phone to call him as well. There would be definite stipulations to her phone use.
My b/f thinks she is way too young and not mature enough for a phone, and it would become another thing for her to "whine" about.
What do you ladies think? TIA
Oh and just to clarify the days I don't take her to school I am home around 5 and we "hang out" after she is done her homework.
Thought I would update with the decision that we made. We will be upgrading our phones as well as getting her a phone as Christmas presents. That was we all get new phones at the same time.
Re: too young for a cell phone? (update)
I reluctantly got my 11 year-old a cell phone when school started this year. The only reason I did so was because she rides her bike to and from middle school. She lost the first phone about a month after I bought it. I had to buy her a second one. If she didn't need it for those times she's alone to and from school, she wouldn't have one.
My 15 year old daughter has never lost her cell phone, but she is WAY more responsible than her little sister. I have two 9 year old twins. The boy could care less, but his sister begs me for a phone. I just laugh and say, "No."
We leave the house early. We're up at 5 am and out the door at 6:45 am. As soon as everyone gets home, it's homework, sports, or something or the other. The times we are together most is the weekends. My kids not having a phone from a young age has not negatively impacted our relationships in any way.
We can afford the extra money it would be to add her to our cell plan. The reason he has a say is because we live together and share finances. We have a joint bank account and pay bills jointly. It's not just my cell plan it's ours, so unfortunately if he is paying half the bill he gets half the say. He might as well be her step-father, we have made a joint decision not to get married.
DD is in 4th grade and doesn't yet have a cell phone. We are going to wait until 5th grade...
HOWEVER, I can see in your case a greater need for a cell, and there are kids in dd's class who have had phones since last year (so, age 8-9, grade 3) because they had special circumstances....walking alone to school, swim practices, AND divorced parents. You can always control/limit the number of people she talks to on the phone.
I won't comment on my thoughts about whether or not your live-in boyfriend (not her stepdad) should have say in this. You can always separate some of your money as "fun money" to do what you want.
We got our oldest DS a cell phone when he 10. He stopped wanting to run to the store with us (15-30 minute trip total) and we did not have a landline phone so I wanted to have a way to get in touch with him. It is $10 a month to add a line to our plan so it was considerably cheaper to add a line than get a landline.
He has been amazingly responsible with his phone. They were not supposed to take them to school in middle school and I don't think he ever did. Anytime DH or I checked it was at home where it is was supposed to be. He has never lost or broke a phone. Now that he is in high school they are allowed to bring them and so far so good.
In my book the reasons you give -- "missing mom" and "wanting to text/talk for fun" -- would not justify getting a child that age a cell phone. Also, at age 8 my DD would have been likely to lose, drop, or break it.
Ask yourself: is this purchase really for the benefit of your DD, or is this a way to manage your guilt about not spending as much time with her in the morning as you'd like? If it's really more about your guilt, then save this big-kid item for a more suitable time in her life.
I don't think she is too young for a cell phone. I think each parent knows what is best for her child and for her family. I've seen kids as young as 3 with one... and, kids in high school without one. When my daughter was in preschool, there was a boy who had a cell phone which he used every day at nap time. He was from another country, so I assume he needed to call family in a different time zone.
My daughter is in 4th grade. She does not have one. I can't guess at the percent of kids in grades 3-4 who do. However, it is common. If you feel like it provides a benefit to your daughter, get one for her.
Newlyweds since 2007
If I was to add her to our plan it would be $9.95/month so not breaking the bank. I feel he has a say because we have a joint account and make all other financial decisions together. He is getting the iPhone 4 and I am getting the 4S. It has nothing to do with the money why he doesn't want her to get the phone, since hers would be an easy to use free phone with no bells or whistles.
I will probably make it a Christmas present, so I have time to think about it. Thanks for your responses. They have me some things to think about.
Ok, but he "gets a say because you make joint financial decisions," and "if it has nothing do with the money why he doesn't want to do it"...then he is commenting on a subject where his input isn't needed.
And really, you need to "consult" with this guy for $9.99 / month? When you both have enough money where you can afford new iphones?
Do you have a house phone? If not, I would add a line to your phone and keep this cell phone at home as your "house phone." Then your DD can call you, can call her dad and can call an emergency number if needed. We will probably do this soon for emergency purposes, although my kids are never home alone. But, our phones are locked for work security purposes and if anything ever happened, they need to be able to call 911 and have a phone easily accessible vs. searching for it in someone's pocket or purse.
I have always felt that my kids wouldn't need their own cell phone until they were old enough to go places w/o me, though. Of course, I say this as a mom who doesn't have kids that age yet so I'm sure that will change.
And, IMHO, your BF is pushing the issue by saying your DD can't use his phone. Either she uses it or he chips in $5 a month for a cheap house cell phone.
This decison should be made between you and her father, NOT your boyfriend. It doesn't matter if you have joint finances. He's not her father. Do you receive child support from her father? You should work harder at having an amicable relationship with her real dad. It would make your daughter's life a lot easier.
Only you know if she's mature enough. I teach 3rd and some of my students have cell phones.
I don't think your BF should have any say in what you do with YOUR daughter.
We do not have a house phone. I like the idea of it being a "house" cell phone when she is not using it, which will be most of the time. She is never home totally alone, my b/f is here. He is sleeping for about an hour between me leaving and him taking her going to school.
Her father and I have a "civil" relationship, but he has never liked calling my phone to talk to her. She calls him using my phone all the time, and he will call her back if she leaves a message. I have mentioned her getting her own phone to him which he agrees is a good idea, but says he doesn't have the money. I do receive child support from him, which goes into a bank account that only gets withdrawn from when it's ABSOLUTELY necessary and ONLY when it's something specifically for her. I have thought of using this account for "her" part of the cell bill, but am not convinced that is needed since it is only $10.
About the b/f situation, we make joint decisions when it comes to everything just as if we were married. We have made a joint decision that we will not be getting married, neither one of us puts much stock in a piece of paper and a piece of jewelry. We feel that we can be just as committed to each other without that. I am sure this is not a popular opinion.
The part that is unpopular is where your boyfriend is making care decisions for your daugher, that he won't let her use his new iPhone phone to call you (but thinks she is too "whiny" for her own phone), and that you include him on all the decisions b/c you are financial partners.....except that he gets a vote on non-financial matters, too....
Perhaps I did not explain why he has a say correctly. I include him on all decisions because we are way more than financial partners. In your opinion if we were married would it be appropriate for him to have a say? There is no difference to us. He is her step-father in our eyes. I understand it's a different story legally.
I understand why he wouldn't want her to use his iPhone, she broke his old phone. This is also part of the reason that she will not be getting a "high-tech" phone.
The whining comment was uncalled for, I agree with that. He should have left it at "I don't think she is mature enough".
As I stated in my update on my OP, she will be getting a phone for Christmas.
Thanks for your response. I am glad I am not crazy for thinking that my b/f should be included in making decisions for her. He does after all contribute just as much as I do to the shelter over her head, food on the table,and clothes on her back. He takes her to school, helps with homework, and is there for her emotionally when she needs someone other than me. She calls him her "2nd dad" and has written in her journal at school that she is lucky because she has 2 mommies and 2 daddies (her father's fiance is involved in her life as well).
As I am sure you read in the updated portion that we have decided that it would be best to get her a phone for Christmas.
Cam 6.6.10 - Autism, Global Developmental Delay, Mixed Receptive/Expressive Communication Disorder