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Babies: 0 - 3 Months
beautiflaw
member
How Do You Get Anything Done?
beautiflaw
member
I am a FTM and I need some tips on how to get things done around the house with a new baby! I know everyone says not to worry about too much stuff and let other people help, but I literally have no one to help me. My husband works and goes to school and is only home long enough to SSSS (s**t, shower, shave, and sleep) so he can't do much and we also just moved, so there are boxes everywhere. I don't have enough dishes unpacked to cook anything that requires an oven or stovetop. I eat only one meal a day. I haven't done any laundry that wasn't the baby's or my husband's in forever. I have dried ice cream in my hair from 3 days ago. None of my friends are available to help me because they all have jobs and lives, and I live hundreds of miles away from my family. I need to get housework done so I can live happily. The only room in the house that is perfectly clean, uncluttered, organized, and unpacked is the baby's room. I would love to have Merry Maids or somebody come, and my husband actually looked into it, but it is out of our budget right now with new baby costs, me not working, and the holidays coming up as well. I feel like I have zero options and I am too tired to think of creative solutions.
How do you get chores done? We live in an apartment with thin walls and when I run the dishwasher or the washer and dryer she wakes up. I don't even want to think about if I tried to vacuum. I wash dishes by hand when I can but it takes forever when I could be doing other things. I try to focus on quiet chores like folding and hanging clothes when she's asleep. When she's awake its usually only because she wants to be fed or changed or held, and I try to spend as much time as I can playing with her as well because I want her to learn to do things and reach her developmental milestones on time as well. I have tried doing chores while she's in a sling but it turns out that it aggravates my bad back to do that. Sometimes I can get her to sit in her stroller while I clean up so she can watch me, but sometimes she won't.
Is there anything else I can do? Does anyone know where I can find a time machine so I can pause time while she's sleeping so I can clean and unpack my house?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: How Do You Get Anything Done?
::lurking:::
I'm so sorry you have it rough right now.
The reason people tell you not to worry about getting things done, is because it's true. Just get done what you can, and don't guilt yourself about the things you don't.
You're doing the most important thing you can right now: taking care of the baby.
My DD was pretty high-needs (heck, she still is sometimes), so I understand about not being able to put her down. Ever. It sucks, but it doesn't last forever.
I know this doesn't help.... but honestly... just do what you can and don't worry about the rest.
If your husband has time to sleep, he has time to help. I'm not sure why you're letting him off the hook. Have him sleep an hour less and use that hour to take care of something you want to get done, including taking a shower and/or unpacking. It won't kill him
You said you haven't done laundry that wasn't your husband's or the baby's. Why are you not combining your stuff in there? Wash your clothes with your husband's stuff, or even all three or your clothes together.
Does your DD really want to be held ALL the time or do you just want to hold her? Because developmentally at this age she should be starting to become interested in objects. My LO adores to be placed on his back on his playmat just to stare at the hanging toys. Which gives me free hands and longer and longer periods of free time as he gets older.
Figure out a hands free option that works for you. Swing, bouncer, carrier-whatever. You mentioned the sling hurts your back, which means it's the wrong carrier. Crappy carriers hurt your back. Good ones displace the weight between your shoulders, hips, and back so they don't hurt. (and I say that as a person with a history of back problems who wears her child on a daily basis.)
I understand the need to still get things done. I know everyone says not to worry about housework, but it makes me really anxious to have things undone...it is worse for me. A couple of suggestions:
-DH needs to shave at least 1/2 hour off his sleep time.
-Look into a new carrier, but if it is cost prohibitive, proceed to the next suggestion
-There is nothing wrong with setting baby down somewhere safe while she's awake. I went through a couple of weeks where I felt like I HAD to be playing the court jester for her every waking moment. It was exhausting for me (and probably highly annoying to her). Now that my DD has more awake time, I don't feel bad about putting her on a mat or under her mobile in her pnp for 20 minutes. (Obviously with me supervising, but able to do something else).
-Try the vacuum just for the heck of it. It puts my DD right out within seconds. And hey, if it doesn't work, you still got the vacuuming done!
-Lists. Lists. Lists. My mind was racing every night with all the crap I needed/wanted to get done, and it was stressing me out. Now I keep a master list of things I need to get done, and each day I set a goal of just a couple of those things I want to get done. I haven't been successful every day, but the lists help me. I also made DH a "honey-do" list. I wasn't sure how he was going to react, but he took it fine and did everything on there immediately. I chose things that either he really needed to be the one to do, or that I would be ok with waiting for a couple days for in the event that he took his time.
Good luck! Hang in there!
Make DH help out more. Seriously. There's no way on earth it should be your job to take care of LO 24/7, plus cook, clean, and do all his laundry. I don't care if he works or not, he can spare an hour or two everyday to help you out. Whether you choose to use this time to get stuff done, shower, or sleep is up to you, but make sure he gives you some time to yourself. I think the "honey do" list is actually a great idea. I know for me, I got really overwhelmed in the beginning and when I finally spoke to DH about it, he was like "Well, what do you want me to do? It seems like you do everything and I don't know what's left." Guys are goal-oriented, so if you spell it out for them, they'll help. And if they don't, well.. that wouldn't fly in my house!
Also, ditto what the PP said about the carrier. If the sling makes your back hurt, find something else. I love my Moby for doing chores around the house. Distributes weight evenly throughout my back/shoulders, and LO goes straight to sleep up against my body.
But yeah, even with all of that, I don't get nearly as much accomplished as I thought I would being home all day. I've learned to live with it. The first couple of months are all about survival mode! GL!
How do I get everything done: I don't.
I agree with this. I thought I would be super mom/wife while I was home, I was disappointed. So I just changed my expectations. My house will never be white glove ready, but hoarders and the department of health isn't knocking down my door either. I have learned to live in the middle and I am happier for it.
Deep breaths.
Yes - your DH can help out more. If he's any kind of good husband, he doesn't want you to drive yourself crazy.
You can put her down. I've had to learn this, too. My problem is that I'd also rather look at her than do laundry. Can you put her in the crib or something with a mobile or something that plays music?
Will she get back to sleep after the dishwasher or whatever wakes her up?
It's important that she gets all the attention you can give her, but life has to go on, too. It will get better!
Happy Spring!.
I know how you feel. My DD is high maintenence and loves being on her back playing which i'm not supposed to do much of due to her tortocollis and her pedi wants her proped to her side as much as possible 24/7 except she HATES being propped!! so literally she might might nap 30 mins during the day. She does STTN though thank god but by then i'm exhausted from her and want to sleep.
How does your LO sleep at night? if she sleeps long stretches maybe spend an hour or so to do some things. I'm an absolute neat-freak so it is a major stressor with clutter everywhere but we can only do so much.good luck and know your not alone
Love At First Sight!
I love you even when your a fuss Butt
Lauralei Mae
I agree that DH needs to help out more. From your OP it does not sound like he is doing anything with the baby or around the house.
Do you play white noise while she sleeps? Then maybe the noise of you doing chores will not be so disruptive to her.
If she is feed, changed, burped, etc and you need to put her down for a few minutes to go to the bathroom, grab a snack, that is okay. Even if she cries for a bit while you do it. You have to make sure you take care of you too.
There is a lot that does not get done around our house. We just try to take it one day at a time and get things done when we can.
I'm jumping in here, over from 1st trimester, but I already have 1 child that's 2.5. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate so go easy on yourself for starters. Here are some things that helped me right after DD was born and mabye they can help you.
Set up a schedule and only try to accomplish a little bit each day.Maybe make the schedule up for the and prioritize what really needs to be done.
1. I made sure I took a shower every day, I hate feeling dirty and I'm sure you will feel much better too if you can at least feel presentable. I put DD in the bouncy chair and she sat next to the shower so she could see me, if she cried I sang to her while I showered.
2. Maybe since she hears everything in your apartment get a white noise machine for her room so she doesn't hear you while she sleeps or music what ever works best.
3. Try making a list of what needs to be done, I'm sure unpacking is very overwhelming. Just try to tackle a little bit each day even if the baby needs to hang out in a swing or bouncy chair, she will be fine. To make yourself feel better maybe you do projects for 30 min, the play with her for 30 min and rotate (or however long she can sit before she cries)
4. Find a few chores that DH can help with even if he's busy. Maybe it's just taking the garbage out everyday or emptying the dishwasher or doing baby bath time. Just give him a few that don't take forever but it still takes things off your plate.
5. My DD used to cry every night a dinner time at that age, it was so frustrating b.c trying to cook and eat became a challenge. DH and I would eat in shifts until we discovered she loved baby Einstein DVD's. I don't condone putting babies in front of the TV but she loved all the colors, shapes and music and it did help me put dinner on the table and eat. So I did use it to my advantage. Also to help at dinner I did food prep during her nap so all I had to do was throw dinner in the oven at dinner time.
We didn't have any family near us as well when DD was born so I know it can be a challenge, and most of my friends worked or didn't live near by so being home alone can be a challenge. Good luck, you will figure it out!