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MIL vent!!!!

MrsJM11MrsJM11 member
in 2nd Trimester
My mother in law has always been a little not right in the head, but lately I feel like she is just mean. I've talked to my husband about it and he is so used to her that he doesn't take things personally, but I do. He says he will say something to her, but then I have to deal with her  crying and apologizing and I'm really just done with her. We were painting our nursery the other day when they came over and her greeting to me "hi fatso".... really.... this would be hurtful to any pregnant woman overweight or not.... I just don't know what to do anymore. And then she wonders why I don't like to sit and chat with her all the time and why we aren't best friends. She also finds it necessary to constantly make comments about money when we both work full time, good paying jobs, where she doesn't work at all. She even said we shouldn't have any more kids because we can't afford the one we don't have yet.... Uggghhhhh. Just sooooo done anymore. Any advice or just knowing that I'm not the only one with a mother in law like this would be nice.  Thanks for reading such a long vent :)
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Re: MIL vent!!!!

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    526SadieSadie526SadieSadie member

    My MIL and I generally get along but she has a stereotypical hot Irish temper.  She flies off the handle and says outrageously hurtful things.  She once told my DH that if it wasn't for his younger sister, she would have killed herself over something he did (he got into some minor legal trouble, non-violent, non-drug related, never ever faced going to jail or anything remotely serious).  She also called me a "big, fat cow" (waaaay before we got pregnant) in a moment of anger and I'm really glad I wasn't there to hear it because I probably would have slapped the ever-living out of her.  I've always struggled with my weight and that one hit a particular nerve, I cried for days.

    It's not easy dealing with someone who says the wrong thing and offers unwanted and/or unkind commentary about your life but don't let her get you down.  Let her flap her gums and ignore 85-90% of what you hear.  Is there a chance she was attempting to be funny by calling you "fatso"?  I'm not defending it at all, that's a hurtful thing to say, but is it possible she was trying to be funny?

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    MrsJM11MrsJM11 member

    I think she thinks she is being funny..... but it's not.... My mom and stepdad were also there and I think they almost smacked her. She thinks any inapporiate comments she makes is funny when really, she is just rude.

    And I know how it is dealing with weight. Any comment is too much. That's terrible that she said that :( Mine always points out stretch marks or anything else :-/

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    MomOfTwo2012MomOfTwo2012

    I'd straight up slap a hoe :-)

    BUT thats just hormones talking. My only advice is that you're husband needs to stick up for you. Her comments are completely uncalled for. Until then I'd distance myself from her as much as possible. Good luck! 

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    JayeWoJayeWo

    imageMrsJM11:
    We were painting our nursery the other day when they came over and her greeting to me "hi fatso"

    Um, WHAT??  If my MIL ever said anything like that to me I would make it clear to DH that he needs to have a serious chat with her.  A. SERIOUS. CHAT.  This is JMO, but you need to decide if you think you can handle comments like that anymore (big NO for me, but I'm sensitive), and if not, do what you need to do in order to stop them.  

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    FranelopeFranelope
    Your MIL should know, as a woman, that you are much more sensitive than normal right now and she should try to be more sympathetic to that. You are a pregnant woman, there is nothing more beautiful than that, stretch marks or not. I would just politely say to her that her comments are unwanted and hurtful. Don't have your husband say something, just tell her yourself in a polite tone, and make sure you are looking her right in the eyes when you do so. Some times killing them with kindness makes them feel stupid for having acted like such idiots. You don't need any stress right now, you're facing giving birth, being a mother and all the wonderful things that go with it all.  Be strong with her. You are a woman. I have found that people like that need other people to put them in their place once and a while, usually they will shut up if they know you are serious. If that doesn't work, just ignore her, it will drive her crazy.
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    dragossoul84dragossoul84 member
    Some ppl are just peaches. My MIL hates me. Actually came into our home to attend one of my husband's cancer apts and waited until he had gone back to work looked at me and told me she knows I only married him for the money and I could bleed him dry but I wouldnt get their money. Another favorite of mine is when she asked my husband if we were pregnant because I was clearly getting fatter... We were not by the way I had just been stress eating knowing I was going to see her.
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    lindy27lindy27 member
    I think you need to continue to encourage your husband to stick up for you.  My MIL is a piece of work, and it took awhile, but I have convinced my husband to stick up for me.  You and your husband are family now and if your husband doesn't want to hear his mom crying he can speak to her later or tell her to come back when she has calmed down.
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    crcostacrcosta

    I think you should treat her as a 5 year old or someone who just escaped a mental institution... Because honestly these are the only "acceptable" situations to say and do these things.

    If you went up to her and said, calmly, "Do you realise that this is something really rude to say to other people? Don't do it again" like you would do with children, she might get really embarrassed and never do it again Tongue Tied

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    mhollidayesqmhollidayesq member
    IMO (without me of course knowing you or her) she is just not a happy woman and envies you. You almost just have to pity her. While it would be great for your DH to speak up and defend you...it's perfectly OK for you to speak up and defend yourself too. She calls you fatso, I would say "just trying to keep up with you." She talks abt your finances, I would say something abt hers. I would give your DH fair warning and notice that if her doesn't handle it, you will have no choice but to bcs you are not going to spend your marriage dealing with her abusive comments.
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    lesiegellesiegel

    I have a crazy MIL that delivers her commentary when DH is out of the room.  I've learned the best way to handle her is to instantly point out what she said is wrong and why.  DH is completely aware of her behavior and doesn't mind me putting her back in her place.

     BTW, mhollidayesq: I used Shady Grove as well!  Loved Dr. Levens in the Annandale office.

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