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Babies on the Brain
easjer05
member
I feel a little sick right now.
easjer05
member
My brother is getting married in less than 2 weeks. He messaged me that he was having some doubts and concerns last night but we didn't get to talk much. Tonight he told me that he and his fi talked and that they both said they think it will end in divorce. And they are not canceling the wedding.
I honestly have no idea why at this point. I thought for awhile it was just cold feet, but after everything he told me tonight, I think the pair of them getting married is a terrible idea. It's both of them - they just aren't good together. They've lived together for over a year, you'd think they'd have worked some of this out.
But instead, they are getting married. I came just short of trying to talk him out of it. I pointed out that calling it off now is painful (especially given that it is a destination wedding), but that divorce or years of unhappy marriage are infinitely more painful. That he could still back out, and it might make him an ***, but better that than the jerk he feels like he is turning into within the relationship. She doesn't want to do counseling (it sounds like she just wants her fairytale wedding regardless of ultimate outcome), and he seems resigned to simply going ahead and waiting it out until she wants out.
At this point, I don't know what else to tell him besides I want him to make the best decision for himself, that I love him and want him to be happy, and I'm here for him. I wish I could call my mom, but it would really upset her to know about this, and he's telling me in confidence (er, internet notwithstanding). All I can add now is thank god they don't want kids (and please let my brother hold firm on that and please let her not be one of those women who would stop her birth control in secret, please god) and thank god I can't be there to pretend this is a good thing.
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Re: I feel a little sick right now.
Baby in a Blue Teapot
Tempest in a Blue Teapot, food and everything else
"You live, you learn, you drink, and move on." ~ Rotty
Honestly, I would tell him I wasn't going. If they both know its a farce, then they shouldn't expect everyone else to play along. Easier said than done, but I'd at least threaten to skip it. IDK what else would do it
what a crappy situation.
I can't go even if I wanted to, it's in Puerto Rico. I'm very relieved right now (missing seeing the rest of my family aside). I do think there is a small chance that things could settle down a little - I do believe they genuinely care about each other. I do believe that some of the issues they have could be resolved in time.
But I can't feel good about hearing him resign himself to this when I asked him outright if he wants to marry her and his response was essentially that he didn't have a good reason not to. I mean, it's his life, he has to do whatever he thinks is the right thing, but it's also my baby brother. He really feels like he doesn't have other options and says he can live with it. That is not how marriage should be (though I get why he might think that given the end of our parents' marriage).
Gabriel Ross - August 24, 2009 * Vivienne Rose - May 1, 2012
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I hope he reconsiders.
I married my first husband because "I didn't have a good reason not to." We were together for 12 years before we got married. We separated after 7 months, divorce was finalized 10 months later. I took a financial ass-kicking in the divorce: I had to take on a rental property that was a dog and which I am still paying for, I had to pay him thousands of dollars, I had to give up my interest in a business that was my heart and soul. I'm still picking up the pieces. Had we simply parted ways as boyfriend and girlfriend, financially I'd be so much farther ahead.
Emotionally, I cried my whole wedding day. We eloped - I never felt so alone.I still feel sick thinking about that day.
It would have been embarrassing to call off the wedding, but a subsequent divorce and/or marital misery is so much worse than just embarrassment.
I really hope he reconsiders. If you aren't in it for keeps, it isn't worth it.
You may want to link him to TMZ for the latest on Kim K. and Kris H.
My brother did something very similar. In fact their unity candle went out. My dad told him it was a sign to not sign the marriage certificate. The next month he was filing for divorce. Maybe you can tell them to go through with the marriage and not make it legal.
That has to be so tough. My sister joked about divorce before and even on her weddding day. I still wonder how they have made it over the last 7 years, and have been together for nearly 18.