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Frustrated with school's expectations

WendyKWendyK
in Working Moms
First I will say I love my son's preschool but lately I have been frustrated with their expectations of DS. DS is an only child and is quieter than most kids his age. I have always said he marches to the beat of his own drummer. He is very smart, he is reading, and is ready for Kindergarten according to all of the requirements. He plays with friends when they are in the classroom, but can be stubborn at times (he is 4). Here is the thing that is aggravating me..at the parent teacher conference the teacher kept bringing up that when he is outside is off by himself exploring and that he is not playing with the other boys. She said she continually tries to get him to run with the other boys but he would rather look at the trees, or dance around the playground by himself.  I asked how he did when he was in the room and she said fine. She kept bringing it up as a negative...I love this teacher but I don't understand why this is an issue. Yes my kid is shy  (cautious) but he is happy and is an explorer. Any input would be appreciated!
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Re: Frustrated with school's expectations

  • alli2672alli2672 member

    This was my mom's advice when my son's preschool teacher started bringing up problems. 

    1) Take their advice for what it is.  It is an evaluation from someone who works with lots of kids.  However, she is only one person who sees your son with 15 other kids for a few hours a week.  
    2) Sit in on a class and see what is really going on.  Is your son really behaving differently at school?  Is the teacher ignoring him, yelling at him?  What does she mean by "trying to get him to run with the pack?"
    3) Bring the teacher treats (my son had problems sitting still and listening, which improved significantly when I started bringing the teachers candles and cookies...can't explain it). 
    4) Grow thicker skin.  This may seem to be a problem to your son's teacher, but if it isn't a problem for you and your son, then you may just need to let it go.  

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  • BeachBum73BeachBum73 member

    I think you need to get more information and/or explain your son's personality to them.  Maybe they aren't comfortable with introverts (or don't know about their personality quirks) and think that they "should" participate in order to have a good time.  It's possible that he uses all of his energy in the classroom so when he gets outside, he needs alone time to re-charge.  Either way, I don't think his wanting to be by himself should be considered a negative thing so more conversation with his teacher might be needed.

     

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  • WendyKWendyK
    Thanks gals! I have asked him if he is misbehaving in school which he is not..he is so interesting that he likes to play in a group inside but does his own thing outdoors. I am just having the hardest time understanding why this is an issue. I appreciate you thoughts!
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  • jenn_darrin1515jenn_darrin1515 member

    hmmm.  I don't really understand why this is an issue either.  If he wasn't playing with his peers inside either then I could understand why it would be concerning...but since he is, I don't see the big deal that he wants to do his own thing outside.

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  • shouldbworkinshouldbworkin
    How much early childhood education experience does she have?  Does she have a degree?  Does she take CE?  DS's KG teacher was not at all surprised that many of the kids with later birthdays were still engaging in parallel play at the beginning of the year, so I have to question why someone would think it was abnormal for a 4 y/o to do that. 
    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
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  • WaitingforGraceWaitingforGrace member

    I read this post earlier today and I sided with your son, but didn't have anything useful to add so I didn't comment. But, I just read a quote on pinterest and it reminded me so much of him that I had to come back and share it!

    "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

    All kids are different and your son sounds like a likeable, enjoyable little boy - you should be proud that he's able to play independently and doesn't feel pressured to do what the other kids are doing all the time.

    Photobucket Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • itsmevkbitsmevkb member

    We received similar comments regarding our son when he was in K3 (although, he was 4 years old) but the teacher didn't say it as a negative, just pointed it out.  And then, by the end of the year she was telling us how much more he played with the other kids.  This year he started off hanging off to the side a lot.  Honestly, I think he just takes a while to warm up to the other kids.

    I wouldn't worry, you know your son better than anyone.

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck.  Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.

    This Cluttered Life

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  • WendyKWendyK

    Thanks gals!! I appreciate everything. She does have a degree, actually a teaching certificate too.

     

    He is really good about playing with kids while he is in the classroom but he just likes to wander outside. She is always trying to engage him to run and play with the other boys. Today he made me feel really good. He told me he walked out side with his best friend Harry and they looked at the Maple trees. I was like "really why Maple trees," and he told me that they were discussing the changes in the colors! He is a special little guy and I am so lucky he is mine. 

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  • WendyKWendyK
    I will add that I just realized that this issue has only been this year...before this year he did not have such a big issue with playing on the playground. He plays in groups at home, at the park, karate, soccer..just not at school outside.
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  • shouldbworkinshouldbworkin

    imageWendyK:
    I will add that I just realized that this issue has only been this year...before this year he did not have such a big issue with playing on the playground. He plays in groups at home, at the park, karate, soccer..just not at school outside.

    Sounds like he just needs a breather and some space at recess.  Sounds like a positive thing, to me. 

    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
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  • WendyKWendyK
    I will add that he can hold a great conversation (not one sided),  great gross motor skills, very empathetic, has a terrific sense of humor, has a well balanced view of various subjects (loves all things boy but also loves flowers and beautiful things), does not focus on anyone item or topic. I wanted to add this since some people have brought up autism.  
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  • meahganfmeahganf

    I think that it would be a good thing that he can entertain himself. I have a 13yo SS that can't do it and it drives me bonkers!! If he can entertain himself and play well in a group setting with other kids, then who cares?!?! 

    I would agree that maybe going and seeing him in action for yourself or having the teacher explain it more in detail. I'd even ask her why she thinks this is an issue to start with. These may give you more insight as to the full situation

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  • changingnameschangingnames member
    imageWendyK:
    Thanks gals! I have asked him if he is misbehaving in school which he is not..he is so interesting that he likes to play in a group inside but does his own thing outdoors. I am just having the hardest time understanding why this is an issue. I appreciate you thoughts!
    Maybe there are too many really interesting things to do outside than run with the pack? Insi may be less exciting?
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
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