Wow...

allisonmarie22 · October 2011

It's amazing to me that some people seem take their pregnancies and the gift of giving birth to their children for granted. The topic of push presents has been raging on the June 2012 board for a couple of days.

Check out this thread...

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/59694851.aspx (sorry I don't know how to make it clicky)

Please let me know what you think. I'm so offended, but there is a chance I suppose that I'm overreacting. I figured I'd run it by some of you ladies that have struggled with infertility to get your thoughts.

love2b_mrst · October 2011

I think the OP saying that we have a right to expect something is a little extreme, but I don't see anything wrong with a push present. I think it's cute for a husband to get his wife a gift for the birth. I know that my H has been more romantic and appreciative of me and our relationship for the past 5 months since I've been pregnant. I have been the same with him, but I think he appreciates even more what I personally have been through to get to this point (and what I still have to come). And if he wants to get me a gift for carrying and laboring and delivering our baby, I will be happy to accept it

Honestly, posts like these aren't worth getting all worked up over. And I don't think it's fair to assume that the OP is taking her pregnancy for granted.

allisonmarie22 · October 2011

See...that's why I just wanted a little perspective.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a gift either, but she is saying we have a right to expect it. I don't think we ever have a right to expect a gift. It just seems....wrong to me.

Imanurse03 · October 2011

My honest first thought was why are people even thinking about "push" presents this early in the pg. They aren't even out of 1st tri but maybe I am jaded because of having 4 prior m/c. I think the name is repulsive and tacky. I do think if your DH thinks of getting you a gift for the birth of your child on his own, then that's great. Very sweet and thoughtful. But if you as the woman demands one or even expects one, then that's tacky. I've been on home bedrest since 21 weeks and I'm not getting paid. I have decent health insurance but have a high OOP max. So I'm not getting paid and with getting home IV fluids for awhile, our medical bills are now coming in. And to think of all the $ we paid for IF treatments. No thanks, I don't need or want a present. Our baby boy will be the biggest gift of all.

ELF4321 · October 2011

Honestly, I don't have a strong opinion on this.

There are a lot of aspects of pregnancy and childbirth that range from unpleasant to downright painful. If a guy wants to give his wife a gift for going through all that, it doesn't bother me. I don't really think anyone should ever expect gifts for any reason, so I find the women demanding them to be a bit tacky, but it doesn't offend me.

I also don't think it's 100% fair to say "you chose this and the baby should be your only gift". Of course it's something we all wanted, of course we'll all be thrilled to hold a baby in our arms. Does that mean it's wrong or tacky if someone brings you flowers or a gift for you instead of just a gift for the baby after you give birth? I don't think so.

I guess to each her own. I don't really think it's worth getting upset over, IMO.

steveandkim2 · October 2011

I don't think women should demand push presents, but I think it's a nice gesture if dh wants to buy one. My dh had a necklace made with our 3 birthstones and our names inscribed....I love it and it will always remind me of the special time (and everything we went through to get here)

Now I do think it's a little odd to be thinking about it do early in pg, but to each her own!

love2b_mrst · October 2011

allisonmarie22:

See...that's why I just wanted a little perspective.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a gift either, but she is saying we have a right to expect it. I don't think we ever have a right to expect a gift. It just seems....wrong to me.

I agree with that. Expecting a gift is tacky like a pp said.

Aegis2005 · October 2011

I think the post is irritating - and what irritates me more is that she she assumes that we're disagreeing with her because we "didn't read her perspective". I read her perspective, and it seems irrelevant to me.

Forget the physical symptoms, the part that irks me is that she says we're giving up on our careers and that our husbands will only be helping out 10-20 percent of the time. Those are some broad assumptions. I'm in no way giving up on my career and I having struggled with IF, I know full well that my husband will not be in the "10-20%" because conceiving this child is something that has made us a stronger couple.

Jessiree · October 2011

I find "push present" to be a mildly revolting term, but I think it's a nice if a spouse wants to buy something to commemorate a baby's birth.

I think demanding a present or discussing in the first tri is excessive, IMO.

naybird · October 2011

The part that bothered me the most is one lady called Aegis dramatic.. But yet OP is saying one of the reasons I deserve a present is because I may never wear a cute bathing suit again. :eyeroll: Yet the IF woman is the dramatic one...

DrRx · October 2011

I think that it is ridiculous to expect or demand a gift --I hate people who have that sense of entitlement. However, if a DH wants to purchase something for their wife, I don't see anything wrong with that. Honestly, I never knew this even existed.

What I do find offensive is the one person who said that people who had to have Sharps containers, etc, were dramatic. Um, yeah, it's kind of dramatic. You pump yourself full of hormones, go through surgeries, on the chance (not definitive though) of becoming pregnant. And many women have to go through this several times, and spend months and years trying to become pregnant. That really irked me, because they don't understand all that we have to go through to get pregnant, and it was just such an insensitive comment. It's almost like they think that going through IVF is like a 1 MD visit thing.

DrRx · October 2011

Aegis2005:
I think the post is irritating - and what irritates me more is that she she assumes that we're disagreeing with her because we "didn't read her perspective". I read her perspective, and it seems irrelevant to me.

Forget the physical symptoms, the part that irks me is that she says we're giving up on our careers and that our husbands will only be helping out 10-20 percent of the time. Those are some broad assumptions. I'm in no way giving up on my career and I having struggled with IF, I know full well that my husband will not be in the "10-20%" because conceiving this child is something that has made us a stronger couple.

When I read that, I thought "Wow, that marriage would NOT work for me." I mean, there is nothing wrong with giving up your career if that is what you want to do, but to have to give it up because your husband tells you to? Or that your husband is ONLY going to help out 10-20% of the time? Talk about NOT working together as a team.

Wait, I just thought of something. So, is that lady saying that without a bribe of some sort of jewelry/trinket, etc, she expects DH to help more out with the baby?

Kitttkattt · November 2011

Before reading about push presents here, I thought they were automatic. Like an engagement ring is automatic for getting engaged, a push present is automatic for giving birth. I assume nothing since I lost my boys at 22 weeks, there are no guarantees of having a live healthy baby.

jb2rn · November 2011

I think it's her tone that rubs us the wrong way, at least it does for me.

I would never EXPECT any gift from my husband, but if he wants to get me a card, flowers, or something nicer..so be it. It doesn't mean I am less appreciative of my son or anything like that.

Although I will say I would be happier if he made dinner and cleaned the house, or let me sleep...that is way more awesome than diamonds Stick out tongue

Wow...

Re: Wow...

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