Seeking some supportive advise (sorry long vent)

I don't even know where to begin....

Basically I don't feel I have postpartum but I do feel my husband does and I am starting to feel the affects of his emotions.  Let me give a time line:

Madison was born in February, I was couch/bed ridden for about 5 weeks (horrible delivery basically).  H had to care for me and baby a lot more then most guys do.  He was off for 6 weeks.  H misrable at job so I (not we) crunch number and encourage him to quit his full time job and only keep part time job (200 less a month plus no part time job income coming in).  We have to be on a budget though... no more reckless spending. 

8 months later - H has tons of impulsive spending, he is getting more depressed because I am having to enforce the budget.  He refused to talk budget with me, he won't go to a therapist (because I, and all my friends are therapists... Really, I work in two psychiatric hospitals (and our budget is nowhere as bad as he thinks it is). 

I got a second job 2 months ago just to keep up on the medical bills.  I carry the insurance for the family.  Just a side note (and I don't mention this to him but he tells me all the time... at my Full time job I make 11$ more then him, at my part time job I make 19$ more then him)

I guess my frustration is I don't know how to show him how he contributes to the family.  I can't quit my job, we are living paychecks to paycheck as it is even with my second job.  I could pick up bonus pays but then he guilt trips me that all I want to do is work and not be with the family.  I don't want to work, I want to be a SAHM but that is not reality.  Also, the last 8 months he refuses to eat my cooking.  He always opts for a PB&J sandwich or something else if I cook.  If I mention eating at home he cooks telling me I am not allowed in the kitchen.  (I think this was his way to care for me when I was out for 5 weeks and he doesn't want me to take back the kitchen so I have let him have it). 

I am just at a loss.  My H is always snippy with me over any comment I make, any opinion I have is wrong, he is critisising everything I do (cooking, driving).  I don't know if it makes him feel better or feel he has some control since he isn't supporting our family finacially.  And no he is not a SAHF, he is a part time with full time hours firefighter (basically they give him the crap pay to work full time hours... lets just say High School kids make more money then him but he LOVES LOVES LOVES his job, he is up for firefighter of the year this year and is getting a bonus pay at the end of the year. 

I just don't know how to make him feel like he is contributing? And how to get him to enjoy life, me, his daughter, his job rather then constantly feel bad for himself because of this..... Thoughts?