Multiples

Talk me through this please!

I know I have been posting a lot lately, I just need advice so much and y'all are the ladies to go to.

My girls will be two weeks on Friday.  Just two weeks.  I already have horrible anneixty when night time comes because I know that I will most likely be up all night long with them.  I am not sure if they just have their days and nights mixed up or if it is strictly a paci falling out of the mouth and it pissing them off every 15 mintues.  During the day, PERFECT BABIES.  Their paci's fall out, they don't care.  Not at all the same babies at night. 

As I am sitting here typing this I hear them whimper and I feel my heart start racing, wondering if this is going to turn into a full blown cry.  Just talking about it makes me a little crazy.  I know my hormones are all over the place, but  worry about the effects that this will have on me as well. I need to be a great Momma and right now I feel like a complete failure.

When does it get easier? I KNOW it is very early, but just a little insight will give me the strength to power through.   Give me some hope.

Re: Talk me through this please!

  • Our guys never slept early on. I wouldn't say that they had days or nights mixed up it was just really hard to get them to sleep at the same time for any period of time. I always say it felt like one long day! Real improvement to where you can sleep at night was 6 months. At about 9 weeks though we were able to stretch feedings to every 4 hours and about 12 weeks they started doing a 6 or 7 hour stretch at night. Unfortunately that stretch was from 7pm to 2am but a stretch nonetheless. The early weeks are tough - don't be afraid to ask for help if you can find it. Hang in there.
  • I'm so sorry you're going through a rough time.  I remember feeling that exact same way the first month or two.  I dreaded nighttime - the lack of sleep was so hard.  For me, the first 3 weeks were the hardest.  For some odd reason, I was trying to do most of the night feedings myself and was also pumping.  I was telling myself that my DH had to work, so I should try to take care of the feedings.  Looking back on it, I don't know why I didn't make him help me more.  He did help, but I was doing most of the work.  Most nights I was feeding each baby, then pumping, so by the time I went back to sleep, I'd be sleeping for 45 minutes to an hour at a time.  It was miserable!  Pumping was a huge waste because I was getting only about an oz or 2 per pumping session.  So I quit at 3 weeks and that made things drastically better.

    Out of the girls' 19 months, I would say the first month or two were the hardest by far.  Others may not agree, but I think things just keep getting easier as they get older.  There are different challenges, but to me, nothing has been as hard as the first month (the lack of sleep, recovering from delivery, and babies that mainly just sleep, cry, and poop). 

    Also, one of my girls started STTN at 12 weeks and I've heard of others that had babies STTN as early as 8 weeks.  So just keep reminding yourself that it will get easier!  And ask for as much help as you can - that's something I regret. 

    I hope things improve for you quickly!

     

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  • First, you are not a failure. You are a new mom to two babies and you're doing the best that you can. They cry...sometimes all night. That's what babies do. You do your best to comfort and soothe them. Sometimes that's all you can do.

    The first 4 months were HARD. My DH went back to work 1 week after the girls were born and he worked mostly nights. My girls had reflux and colic. They screamed every night.for.hours.and.hours. It was horrible. Every night I would try everything everyone recommended and nothing worked. Many nights involved all three of us sitting in the recliner crying. It does get better. They will outgrow this. Everything seemed to change at about 4 months. My girls are happy, healthy toddlers now, so I guess they're not too scarred from their early months :)

    You'll get through this. It may not be easy, but it's just a small stage in their long lives. Just remind yourself that many of us have been there and you're not alone.

  • I posted this same thing when my girls were only a few weeks old. I know it feels like you are doing something wrong but trust me you aren't! This is how it will be for the first few weeks. I felt the first reprieve at 5 weeks old when they slept for more then an hour or two at night. The first 5 weeks they slept only an hour or two at a time at night. weeks 5-8 slept 3-4 hrs at a time, 8-10 was 4-6 hrs at a time, and by 12 weeks they were STTN. It will start to get better soon, PROMISE
    Spontaneous ID Twin Girls - born 38w 2d Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • It sounds like they may have their days and nights mixed up a bit. Are you keeping it bright and noisy during the day and dark and quiet at night? That helps establish which is which for them. Their circadian rhythms aren't going to kick in for awhile but they'll figure out that bright = day and dark = night.

    The first several weeks were awful. It was learning to be a mom, along with having two babies. It was so, so hard. The things that helped me through were the techniques in Happiest Baby on the Block. We did lots of swaddling, lots of white noise (the shusshing) and after a few weeks, they fell in love with the swing. Are any of those working to get them to sleep straight through between nighttime feedings? 

    Things got easier for us at 11w (8w adjusted) when they dropped the 2:30am feeding and would go from 11p to 6a without eating. That was HEAVEN. From there, it's only been looking up. I remember when they turned 6 months old I felt like I'd run a marathon because we made it through something so hard.

    One of the hardest things for me as a new mother was not having the perspective of how fast it really all goes. The first few months are long and slow and it feels like there is no reward for all the work.  It's very mechanical.  Friends that had a singleton before their twins don't deny how hard it is to have newborn twins, but they have a lot more perspective on how short of a time it really is, even if it doesn't feel like it in the beginning.

    Hang in there. I know it's hard but just focus on short term goals and before you know it, you will be getting more sleep. And with sleep comes a lot more perspective and ability to cope. 

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  • awe, *big hugs*!  You have embarked on one of the hardest things in your life...but rest assured (when you can catch it!) you WILL make it! :D)  My boys were on opposite schedules for the most part.  One would fall asleep and sleep deeply, and the other was such a night owl.  I found in the first weeks-3 months old that the best thing I could do for my sanity and need of sleep, was to rest/nap when they were sleeping through the day. I know there were times where I HAD to do other things (pump right after nursing, go to the bathroom, eat, clean up a bit, shower once in a while)..but there were many times, that I just had to catch a 30 minute snooze with them.  As for the night time, one thing that helped us when my husband went back to work was, I would sleep in their room.  It wasn't ideal to our relationship, but I wanted to make sure He got at least a 4-6 hour stretch of sleep so he could work.  We had a twin mattress in the nursery for when I was pregnatn (some nights I just tossed and turned and wanted hubby to get rest, so I would go to the nursery when I got restless).  Once the boys were born, I would start out in our room and end up in their room.  This made it easier for me to tend to their needs, and nurse them while still resting/sleeping in small increments through the night. 

     At around 8 weeks one started sleeping 6 hour stretches, which lightened the load, and at 12 weeks the otehr started the same 6-7 hour stretch.  This allowed me to sleep 3-4 hours stretches at night, pump, and then sleep a bit more before wakign them up to nurse in the morning. 

     

    It was THE HARDEST thign I have ever done but one of the most important things I could do was remind myself that 1) the rest of my life/house could wait--my health was most important after taking care of them. 2.)  they are only little for a short amount of time, I had to make sure i wasn't always saying "I can't wait until they can do the next thing so they need me less" because I knew it would only be a matter of time before they didnt' need me at all! 3.) MANY MANY MANY nights I would say to myself "this TOO shall pass", like the night I had a tiny bit of broccoli, and 6 hours later they were SCREAMING and writhing in pain with gas. the onl thing i could do was hold them both and bounce around the room singing and praying for two hours. I made sure not to eat brocolli again for a long time.  It was just important to remind myself that in the midst of those intense moments, that those moments would eventually end, and peaceful ones WOULD come. 

    I did a LOT of singing. and praying for God's peace and wisdom on how to take care of them when I felt like I was at the end of my strength. And....here we are at 13months, STTN, taking naps like champions, still nursing a few times a day, and literally mouths full of teeth, walking all over the place....somehow we did it,and YOU can too ;) One moment at a time ;D) 

    God gave me a double portion for my inheritance with my little Mighty men :) 9/19/10 Baby A born at 1:47 am 6lbs 14oz, 20.5inches long. Baby B born at 3:20 am 6lbs 6oz, 19.5inches long. My double blessing!:)
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  • Here's what I wrote in my blog back in the beginning.  HTH!
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