North Carolina Babies
I feel like a failure with breastfeeding...
I feel like such a failure with breastfeeding. DD is having trouble with feedings and has been unable to gain weight for the past week. I had been hoping to breastfeed exclusively for the first month or so, but the lactation consultant and the pediatrician have recommended that we start bottle feeding her to make sure she is gaining weight. I am pumping right now and seem to have a decent supply so she is only getting breast milk, but I just feel terrible about it. I know that the most important thing is that she gains weight and continues to stay healthy, but how do you deal with the mommy guilt? I'll continue to try to nurse her as well, but I guess I am afraid that she won't be interested in it now that she has been introduced to the bottle. Has anyone had success with both(nursing and bottle feeding) even when their baby was very young?
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Re: I feel like a failure with breastfeeding...
Don't be so hard on yourself, those first few weeks are SO hard even without any breastfeeding/weight gain issues. In the beginning, I was having trouble getting DS latched and he was jaundiced. The physician's assistant I saw told me to supplement with formula (bad advice, I still hate him to this day but ANYWAY!). I remember breaking down crying because I couldn't feed my baby and we were both so miserable:( It was an awful time.
We eventually got breastfeeding to work. He supplemented with a bottle from a few weeks old, and always preferred nursing. We continued to nurse until 15 months. He got almost all breast milk - either from the tap or pumped, but we did supplement with formula from time to time.
Try not to be discouraged, if you get past this initial weight gain, things will be easier. And if you end up bottle feeding (either breast milk or formula), you will both be perfectly fine!
Lots and lots of hugs & positive thoughts sent your way. I know its such a hard time - let us know if we can give any advice to help things along!
yes. my kid never cared where it came from as long as it was milk.
hope you find the same to be true.
keep trying.
My advice is to get working with a lactation consultant ASAP!! I EPed for DS1 for a year and swore I'd never do that again. With DS2 we had weight gain issues during the 1st month. I went straight to an LC. I had supply, we just needed help with getting DS2 to get the milk. I know LCs cost money but if it keeps you nursing even a month more, that's still less expensive than formula. All we needed was a good long first session and then just a check in session after that. A 15 min LC consult in the pedi's office wasn't going to cut it for us. And I'm sooooo glad we did it b/c we're still going strong at 6 mos and having a baby who drinks straight from the tap is so much easier than EPing. And DS2 will go back and forth between the breast and the bottle just fine. Those first few weeks are so overwhelming and challenging--hang in there!!
Obviously do what's best for you and your baby. Good luck!!
ETA: Your LO was early due to pre-e right? DS2 was just shy of 37 weeks and the LC indicated that "near term" babies can have some issues with BFing but most usually resolve quickly with help. I was so worried that we would have the same issues that I did with DS1 (32 weeker) that no LC seemed to be able to help us with. But LC was right--BFing issues resolved fairly quickly with DS2.
Another thought--if you are wanting to avoid the bottle to try and avoid LO preferring bottle over breast, you can syringe feed. That's what we did with DS2 b/c I was terrified he'd like the bottle more (at least for the first few weeks). When he was about 5ish weeks old we introduced the bottle since I was going to go back to work.
Sorry so long!
Hopefully all will be fine! My DS #2 was not gaining weight in the first week of life either. He was nursing, but falling asleep pretty quickly during feedings most of the time and was so very hard to wake no matter what we tried. I started pumping at day 7 and he had mostly bottles for 3 days. Once he was staying awake long enough to finish his bottles, he had more energy to stay awake and take a full feeding. We did those 3 days of bottles and then I started nursing exclusively again. And he was 8lbs 4oz at birth and slightly over 13lbs at 2 months!
He occasionally gets a bottle now but much prefers to nurse! And he's a little over 20 lbs at almost 8 months old. Bottles definitely didn't hurt our nursing relationship!
DD would not take to my breast at first so I EP'ed for awhile. Unfortunately, though, by the time I fed her and pumped, feedings took an hour or more, which was not fun in the middle of the night. I decided to put her back on the breast to see if she would take it, and lo and behold, she did!
So, just keep trying. Talk to the lactation consultant and try not to stress too much. I swear, babies feel our stress and react to it. However, if it doesn't work for you to breastfeed and you just have to pump (or you have to give her formula), it will be OK. She will still thrive and will be happy that she is getting nourished and snuggled by her mommy and daddy. Good luck!
Don't feel discouraged - it can be very difficult at first. Breastfeeding has been the hardest thing I've loved doing. DD was born premature and was unable to latch so that first week I pumped around the clock and had to supplement with formula. We used a nipple shield for the first 6 weeks too. Even though she was mainly bottle fed/artificial nipple those first 6 weeks we were still able to nurse after the roadblocks along the way.
I never used a LC, but things might have been easier if I had. So if you have one available take advantage of them.
Good luck - you're doing a great job!!
I had to supplement BF with formula while still in the hospital and pretty much after 3 months. Logically, you know it's okay since LO is getting nutrition and developing. At the same time, emotionally, it's not what you wanted to do. Let's face it, our emotions are dominant postpartum. I felt like I was failing DD, that I was failing myself, that I couldn't do this simple thing. It took me many months to realize BF isn't simple, that I wasn't failing anybody and DD was getting everything she needed nutritionally. When we FF, I still tried to do skin-to-skin, eye contact, and all the things the lactation consultants recommended to resemble BF.
Good luck and don't beat yourself up!
We worked with a LC and still had latch issues for a few weeks. There were times where we fed her with a spoon so that we did not have to introduce a bottle too soon. DH would also sometimes put a little breast milk on his finger and try to get her sucking properly that way. It was very frustrating and painful for awhile. It eventually got better, but it took much longer than I ever thought it would. DD was born at 38w4d, so she was full term but a little early. Not sure how much that played a factor in her ability to latch.
Since I wanted to wait until breastfeeding was well established we did not introduce a bottle until after 7 weeks. Now I am debating if we waited to long. Breast feeding has gotten much better but we struggle to get her to take a bottle. Sometimes she does fine, other times not so much. I have to go back to work in Dec, so having her take a bottle would be ideal.
Good luck and try not to be too hard on yourself. Breastfeeding is hard work.