How do you handle people's comments? — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

How do you handle people's comments?

Hi,

I just had a miscarriage over the weekend and a D&C. I'm planning on going back to work on Wednesday but I'm worried that people's comments are going to make me "crack." How do you handle when people you don't want to know ask you if you are okay? The worst is when people ask you if you are pregnant? How do you handle this? I'm afraid I'm going to cry or make a snarky comment.

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Re: How do you handle people's comments?

  • Just thank them for their concern and tell them that you'll be fine but don't want to talk about it right now.  *hugs*  I'm sorry for your loss.
    BFP #1 9-15-11; EDD 5-28-12. US 6w2d, growth

    BFP #2 12-6-11 and 12-7-11; EDD 8-17-12. US 6w6d measuring 5w6d. Misoprostol Assisted m/c 1-16-12 at 9w3d.

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  • This is definitely tough.  I had to leave work last Friday because I was sitting at my desk just sobbing and I'm certain I was making my coworkers uncomfortable.  One coworker did ask me if I was pregnant when I was out so much last week and I told him no.  He pried a little and I told him that I was pregnant but am not anymore.  I was shocked how sensitive he was about it and let me know that if there was anything I wanted to talk about that he was always willing to listen.  So that was nice.  As far as the snarky comments - I've made a few of those too.  It's got to be the mix of hormones and a highly emotional time. 

    Married since 7/25/2009
    BFP #1 9/25/2011 | EDD 6/1/2012 | M/C 10/26/2011 at 8w6d
    BFP #2 3/13/2012 | EDD 11/23/2012
    9DPO hcg: 45; Prog: 41 | 14DPO hcg: 694 | 17DPO hcg: 2733 | 28DPO hcg: 53,006
    First u/s 4/13 showed a beating heart! Second u/s 5/2 showed a HB of 163! Let's GROW, baby!
    He's here! Kellen born 11/16/12 - 8 lbs 8 oz 22 inches long via scheduled c-section (breech baby, gestational diabetes mama)
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  • I'm so sorry. :(  I experienced this a little last week, and for me the best way to not "crack" was to lie.  When people asked me how I was doing or how my weekend was I replied, "Good."  Last week I couldn't talk about how I was really feeling without my voice cracking, so it was best for me to just put on a happy face and pretend everything was fine.  Everyone is different, and I'm sure many people would rather crack and cry in front of their co-workers than pretend everything is fine like I did.  If you do cry or make a snarky comment, it's totally fine, people understand that sometimes life just sucks. 
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    ~BFP #1 9/17/11 ~ Miscarried 9 weeks~


    ~BFP #2 3/5/12 ~ EDD 11/17/2012~ Stick Baby Stick! It's a girl!




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  • My last m/c all I announced (except to my boss and two close friends) was that I was out for surgery for a week.  I was very vague and mysterious and NO ONE had the nerve to ask for details.  I work with a bunch of male engineers, they weren't going to touch that with a ten foot pole!  I hope no one says anything stupid, but if they do, they deserve the snark, huh?
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  • I'm sorry for your loss. :(

    I told my boss and a few select friends at work, but for the rest I just told them I had "health issues" or "female issues" -- they didn't DARE ask what I meant by that. Or maybe they did but sure didn't dare challenge me about it! I found that most people left me alone. One girl said, "is it baby issues?" - I looked her right in the eye and yes and she goes, "I'm sorry." So see, she knew and just HAD to ask. I think she felt bad.

     

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  • image ReeceFamily:
    My last m/c all I announced (except to my boss and two close friends) was that I was out for surgery for a week.  I was very vague and mysterious and NO ONE had the nerve to ask for details.

    That's great. I think that's what I'll put on my out of office when the time comes! 

    Just because it's stormy now doesn't mean you aren't headed for sunshine. -- unknown
  • When people asked if I was okay (after being out of work for a week), I just replied "I will be". I told most people that it was a personal medical issue.

    With my second loss, I actually disclosed the miscarriages to some people at work. Every person I told was extremely supportive and many shared their own difficulties with TTC and/or miscarriage.

    Do what feels right to you. I'm so sorry for your loss. 

    Missed miscarriage D&C May 2011, Missed miscarriage D&C October 2011 Expecting a baby girl in 2013!
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