Trying to Get Pregnant
Advice needed on coping with AL
I've been a lurker for the past month. My DH and I are on our 2nd cycle TTC. Most of my questions get asked and answered by others so I haven't posted, but now I'd like a little advice.
My SIL went in today for an U/S and there was no heartbeat. She is having a D&C (I think) later in the week. She was 11 weeks. I feel so awful and want to do or say something but I don't know what is appropriate. For anyone that has been through something similar, is there anything I can do to be helpful?
Can I send flowers or a card or maybe chocolates? My DH and I live far away so I can't go in person. I mailed her a cute onesie two weeks ago and now I feel bad that I did that.
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Re: Advice needed on coping with AL
So sorry to hear that
My SIL lost her baby at 21 weeks. I made dinner for her family, but they are local. I think anything that lets your SIL know you are thinking of her is gracious and kind. Flowers, card, maybe a little basket/care package of things she likes, or maybe a gift card to a spa near her house (if she likes that kind of thing). Don't feel bad about the onesie - it was thoughtful and I'm sure she loved it when it arrived.
Our Baby Boy is due September 8, 2012
My best friend just went through this last week. Call her and tell her you're really sorry and you've been thinking about her. Tell her it sucks. Tell her you wish she didn't have to go through this. See if she wants to talk about it/vent/whatever.
Try not to tell her "at least you know you can get pregnant" or "everything happens for a reason."
Sorry for your SIL's loss.
Don't feel bad that you did this. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to feel bad.
I would definitely send her something...even if it's small.
I have been in a situation like that. The best thing someone did for us when we had our M/C was they had dinner sent to us and a nice card and a angel figurine. It really meant a lot to me that they went out of their way to make sure we had one less thing to worry about with dinner. It seems little to some, but to us it was very thoughtful.
My Ovulation Chart
TTC #1 since March 2010
DH - SA = Low Morphology. Great overall count.
August 2012: HSG - All Clear
September 2012: Timed Intercourse 100 mg Clomid CD 4-8 w/ Repronex & HCG Injections = BFN
October 2012: Timed Intercourse 100 mg Clomid CD 4-8 = BFN
September 2013: New Doctor: 50 mg Clomid CD 5-9 & IUI #1 = BFN
October 2013: 50 mg Clomid CD 3-7 & IUI #2 = BFN
November 2013 to ??? = On a mental break for now.
Make a pregnancy ticker
Sorry to hear about your friend's loss! Don't feel bad for the onsie she knows you were being thoughtful.
I would send a little something small with a note just thinking of them and here to talk if she wants. I did that with my BF that went through a ectopic pregnancy.
TTC Since Aug 2011/
ME:34 all clear/DH:41 DX Severe MFI/
IVF w/ICSI OCT 2012 Stims started 10/8/ER 10/19/12/ET 10/24/Beta#1 11/2=BFN (beta was 1.2)
IVF 2.0-Baseline 11/7/12 beta 0/All Clear
Stim start 11/7/12//ER 11/19 11M//10F
ET 2 embies 11/24//Beta#1 28 Beta #2 23 Beta#3 29
stop meds Beta#4 37/C/P 5W5D EDD:8/12/13/IVF#3 in Jan
Ivf 3-frozen 3 poor 3day/fet=bfn
My Chart//>
I agree with previous recommendations of a nice note with an offer to talk whenever she's ready.
FWIW, my in-laws wanted to send me flowers and candy after my m/c, but I asked MH to tell them not to. I like flowers and candy, and didn't want a delivery of those nice things associated with my m/c.
dx: LPD & low progesterone 11/2011
BFP #1 August 23
I am so sorry to hear about your SIL's loss.
My SIL had a miscarriage too and I sent her favorite flowers (lillies) and a note that said "When you're sad, I'm sad" It made her cry but she said it really lifted her day at work and that no one did anything like that for her.
I would send flowers and a sweet note.