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taking my life back.

candr09candr09 member
in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I know its only been a few days but I'm so sick of sitting around and feeling sorry for myself and being sad and crying all the time. Maybe that makes me a jerk, but thats how I feel right now.

First it was worrying about *if* I would get pregnant. Then it was a ton of worry throughout the whole pregnancy because of issues from the beginning, and then the past 5 days its been nothing but crying. This isn't fun.

Last night my good friend (who is about ready to pop with her baby and had no idea about my situation) invited me out to celebrate my birthday. My birthday. I completely forgot about my birthday in all of this. I really didn't want to go out, but I forced myself. I deserved a birthday after all, right?

We went to eat, just the two of us. I ordered a margarita and she looked at me like I was nuts and said how she hasn't seen me order a drink at dinner in years. I told her I just wanted one, and then halfway through it I told her EVERYTHING. It felt so good to get it all out. It was the first time I even said the words out loud. She's been through it, so she knew not to say anything stupid. We cried and then we laughed and then we talked about random other things going on. It felt good to think about something else for a while.

I decided thinking about something else is good. I'll never forget my baby, but crying about it won't bring her (or him... idk, I'm convinced it was a girl) back. It won't change what happened. The only thing left to do is move on and get my life back.

Today is my birthday and I spent the afternoon taking my daughter around to visit friends and coworkers in her halloween costume. Tomorrow I'm going back on my diet, going back to work, and back to the gym. I'm determined to get the quality back in my life.

and i thought i loved you then <3<a href="http://daisypath.com/">Daisypath Anniversary tickersBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker
Missed Miscarriage discovered at 9w6d
D&E 10.27.2011
I'll love you forever Baby Speck Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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Re: taking my life back.

  • hopefulreturnhopefulreturn member
    Happy Birthday! Way to go on your plan to move on! It is just my first day on this board, but I am eager for the moving on part. 
    August 2015 January Siggy: Favorite Mean Girl

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    *BFP #1 9/10/11 Natural m/c 11/1/11 at 11 weeks, 5 days*
    *Diagnosed as unexplained infertility*
    *BFP #2 12/6/14 after IUI#2 Hopeful! EDD 8/14/15*

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  • babyquestnortheastbabyquestnortheast member
    Happy Birthday!!!! Good for you, be good to yourself, whatever that means for you. And if you need to cry some more, do that too!
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  • LoveLiveLife28LoveLiveLife28
    Happy Birthday!  I totally agree with you.  This is my first day on the board, but I just had a "snap out of it" moment.  I'm ready to get back into it and your post just motivated me to do so!
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
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  • besoulbesoul
    Happy Birthday! I'm sorry for your loss. However, it sounds like you ready to move forward. Enjoy your birthday!!
    Missed miscarriage D&C May 2011, Missed miscarriage D&C October 2011 Expecting a baby girl in 2013!
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  • christina1230christina1230
    what a great way to start off your birthday! Moving forward is definitely a good thing and a step in the right direction.  happy b-day!
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  • Wookie18Wookie18
    Happy Birthday! I am proud of your attitude AND for you telling your friend. ((hugs))
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  • GHBEAGHBEA member
    Love this post.  We have to find that strength to get our lives back.  My LO has been my biggest motivator to get my life back because I HAVE to take care of her.  I am a SAHM so it's me and her.  I can not sit and cry all day.  DH took a few days off of work and took care of all her needs so I could grieve and he too.  That was the biggest help for me.
                                                 Mom to 4 wonderful daughters
                                 Breanna, Ellie and 
                                 our 2 rainbow babies.

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
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  • RedRose84RedRose84
    Good for you!  I'm doing the same thing and doing my best to enjoy each and every day.  Hope you have a great birthday!
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