How strong of an attachment did your LO form with his/her classmates the first year? — The Bump
Pre-School

How strong of an attachment did your LO form with his/her classmates the first year?

DS is still very shy at school and we might have him repeat the 3 year old class at the recommendation of the teacher. She said the teachers convene in January to discuss class placement, but we do have to register now to secure a slot (I would register him in both the 3 yo and the 4 yo class for now so he would get a spot in either one) 

He missed the cutoff this year by a week, so he was actually 2 when he started this Fall and it one of the youngest ones...so next year, he would technically be in the correct class next year if we had him repeat. 

I don't mind having him repeat since he also misses the kindergarten cutoff and will start when he's almost 6.  The only thing is that I'm afraid he'll miss his classmates.  He's starting to form connections and will talk about the kids at home.  I know he'll be looking for them when he starts next year.

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Re: How strong of an attachment did your LO form with his/her classmates the first year?

  • DD had 2 BEST FRIENDS last year, and she still talks about them, even though they aren't in her class this year (they both chose different preschools this year for very different reasons).  The hardest part of it all was that she talked about these 2 girls all summer long, and how excited she was to see those girls this fall.  It took her about 3 months, but she finally pronounced a new best friend, but still talks about last year's friends a lot.  I am kind of glad things worked out that way, since next year we are open enrolling her to another town, and will not be in school with any of her preschool friends. 

    DD loves her preschool, so she was fine with almost all new kids, but she still asks me to call her old friends for a playdate (unfortunately, I have NO clue how to contact these parents).  

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  • imageJen&Len:

      The only thing is that I'm afraid he'll miss his classmates.  He's starting to form connections and will talk about the kids at home.  I know he'll be looking for them when he starts next year. 

    As a Mom who struggled with red shirting her son this was one of the biggest things I struggled with.  My DS #1 is more on the shy side but made some awesome friendships his first year in pre-school (and I formed great bonds with their Moms!).  I struggled with forcing him to leave them for a younger class.

    What helped me make my peace?  It's much easier for him to leave behind those friends at 4 than it will be at 6, 7, or 8 if I ended up needing to hold him back later.

    At this age there is no stigma to being held back but there is a HUGE stigma for the child by 1st or 2nd grade.

    It's a tough call and I'm sorry you're facing it.

    GL! 

    Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
    Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
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  • DD misses the cut-off by two months, so she was in the 2s class last year even though she was almost 3. She was the oldest in her class and still very shy, which was odd to me because outside of school she has always been very outgoing. This year, she's in the young 4s class, where the kids are all closer in age, and she's been doing so much better. She's much more excited about school this year, and she's making friends instead of just playing alongside her classmates.

    I'm not sure if it's her age in relationship to the other kids, or if it's just because she's matured a bit in the last year, but I do think a year has made a big difference, and it could for your DS too. Although there definitely seems to be a red-shirting trend, especially for boys, so whether you want him to start kindergarten at 4 is something to consider too.

    As for missing his classmates if you have him repeat the 3s class, would he definitely have all of the same classmates if he were in pre-k next year? I know at our school the classes get mixed up each year; out of DD's 10 classmates last year, only two are in her class this year. She is closest with the one girl from last year, but I think the fact that the girl's mom and I get along well and had playdates over the summer helped with that.

    Emily 11.29.2007 | Kate 4.3.2010 | James 8.22.2013
  • imageKristinKD:

    DD misses the cut-off by two months, so she was in the 2s class last year even though she was almost 3. She was the oldest in her class and still very shy, which was odd to me because outside of school she has always been very outgoing. This year, she's in the young 4s class, where the kids are all closer in age, and she's been doing so much better. She's much more excited about school this year, and she's making friends instead of just playing alongside her classmates.

    I'm not sure if it's her age in relationship to the other kids, or if it's just because she's matured a bit in the last year, but I do think a year has made a big difference, and it could for your DS too. Although there definitely seems to be a red-shirting trend, especially for boys, so whether you want him to start kindergarten at 4 is something to consider too.

    As for missing his classmates if you have him repeat the 3s class, would he definitely have all of the same classmates if he were in pre-k next year? I know at our school the classes get mixed up each year; out of DD's 10 classmates last year, only two are in her class this year. She is closest with the one girl from last year, but I think the fact that the girl's mom and I get along well and had playdates over the summer helped with that.

    Yeah, I have heard that there is a big difference from 3 to 4.  We actually aren't allowed to start him in kindergarten at 4.  He'll be starting 1 week shy of 6.  We were originally planning to have him do kindergarten twice...once at the preschool and once in public school.  So he would have had to repeat one of the pre-K/Kindergarten years along the way anyway.

    He wouldn't have all the same classmates, but he would at least know a few.  But there are 16 in his class and only 3 classes next year.  It just takes him so long to warm up and reach out to people that I feel bad that he would have to start all over again.

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  • Harmon is in a mix aged class and it was hard for the students who graduated from the program when he stayed behind.  It is life though.  He made new friends this year!  He is changing programs in January and it will be hard again but I think he will be fine.
    Mom to Harmon 1/17/08 and twins Rachel & Callum 8/28/09 Photobucket 29o0v13.jpg
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