Why does EVERYTHING have to be about BM? (vent)
wwnbw
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Today was my DD's birthday party and during the party his gma asked him if he talked to BM because she got something in the mail that said if she didn't go to court she was going to have to pay a big fine and go to jail. I assume it was just jury duty. This lady has to make a big deal out of everything! I'm not sure why BM is getting mail there since she hasn't lived there in 10 years. DH told her no I don't talk to her but I will make sure she gets the info. SS came up to us later and was so upset because he wanted to call him mom because grandma had went and told him. DH told him no he couldn't call his mom during the party. He came up to us agian and said she wouldn't stop telling him to call and that he really needed to. Then later it was just the grandparents, us, and SS standing togther and she brought it up AGIAN. DH asked her to stop and she kept on so I asked her nicely to stop that this wasn't the time or the place and that we would make sure she got the info. She started talking about me to her husband right in front of me saying she didn't mean to upset me blah blah so I looked at her and told her she didn't upset me I was fine if we could please just move on. She got up caused a scene and said she was leaving and she did. Seriously old woman? It's Sunday so she has had this piece of mail at least one day so I have no idea why it was treated like a life or death matter. She brings up at least one BM every.single.time. we are together. I always let it go but enough is enough. I don't understand her and why she is so hung up on these women. She won't even give me a chance and it's been four freaking years. I can't win with MIL or grandma.
Re: Why does EVERYTHING have to be about BM? (vent)
Is your baby's middle name going to be 'roast'? Just curious.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Has your husband had a conversation with his parents and his grandmother about not meddling in your personal business? And ESPECIALLY not putting your children in the middle? DH needs to put his foot down and tell them - not ask - to please butt out.
Demand it.
DH may also want to insist that BM update her mail and have it forwarded so that his family can stay out of their business.
It's just so crazy to me. We had a huge falling out with MIL in June '10 and didn't speak a word to her unitl August '11 when we invited her to SS birthday party. We didn't really cut out the grandmother out but she is just as much as a problem so we didn't really speak to her much. So after all that this woman is still going to act up?! There is no talking to her. The reason she left is because we were trying to talk to her. DH said last night he was "done with her for good" but ahh if feel so bad because she must be 100 LOL and I don't want her to die and him to have the bad feeling forever (even though he did nothing wong). That did decide who Thanksgiving will be spent with...NOT her.
I don't think she opend the mail. I got a jury duty thing a while back and it was more like a post card that anyone can read.
So you expected them to just know that they are to be on their best behavior because you were kind enough to break the silent treatment and invite them to the party - which you did so you wouldn't feel bad?
This is all very silly.
The conversation should go like this in a one that is kind and respectful - NOT defensive or angry:
"Mom, Grandma, I really like being back in contact with you and I hope we can continue to repair our relationship. I want nothing more and appreciate your concern about BM, the kids, and our situation, but in order for us to get along, I'd really appreciate it if you'd just let BM and I work things out on our own. And if you do have concerns that you absolutely wish to address with us, please do it privately. A party is not appropriate timing. We also wish you would not discuss adult matters with my children. It puts them in a bad position. They're kids. Let's let them be kids and not worry about things with their parents."
At some point in this conversation, with how you've described your in laws, more than likely they are going to interject or argue. Kindly and calmly ask them to let you finish and when you're done, they can have the floor. Listen to them, but stick to your guns on how it should be.
If they can't abide by your rules, then let them know what the consequences are. Make the consequences fair and reasonable.
And when I say "you" and "we" - I mean DH. He should be the one telling them this, with you clearly beside him and supporting him.
We invited them to the party becasue it was us taking the first step not because we felt bad. She missed all 3 of the kids parties last year (they all fall after June). She wouldn't have talked to her son for years and years so that is why we decided to invite her and stop it at one year.
You are right that we shouldn't have expected them to be on thier best behavior just because we opended things back up. Thank you for your advice...it sounds good so we will try and see how it goes.