Newlywed and intimidated — The Bump
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Newlywed and intimidated

We just got married a few weeks ago, and we seem to be stuck in this space.  We've concretely agreed to talk about whether we're ready to get pregnant again in six months.  I've decided kindof on my own, that regardless of whether it takes longer than six months, I have to lose some of this weight before I can even consider trying.  But he's so anal about me taking my bc.  I've started calling him the bc police.  He's on me all the time about whether I took it, and when I took it, and it's making me nuts!  I'm on board with waiting, but I don't really see the point if it's still all we're ever going to talk about!  Is there a way I haven't figured out to calm him down and get him to back off a little?

Re: Newlywed and intimidated

  • Talk to him about his fears. Obviously he has a huge problem with you getting pg right now, and you need to know why. You're his wife, after all. Tell him you've always been consistent in taking your BC, and you want to know why this has become his obsession.
  • Agree with PP entirely!
    Psalm 139:16
  • Is it possible that some of his problem with having a child now is that you've said that you have to lose weight first and he knows that you won't be happy if you get pregnant before that happens?

    Yes, you need to talk to him about his fears but I can see one reason that he has reason to be afraid. You're saying that you have to lose weight to have a healthy pregnancy, but then you say that you should just go ahead and get pregnant because you're tired of talking about it. That does not sound like a healthy situation.

    You can get him to back off a little by realizing that you've made the decision to not consider trying to conceive for at least six months and demonstrate that you trust that you've made the right decision together - since you totally haven't done that yet.

  • Hmmmm I just found out I'm pregnant (4 weeks along) and I'm getting married in two weeks.  My FI and I talked a lot about pregnancy and when we wanted that to happen and we made a choice together as to when and we agreed to start trying before we tied the knot because that's what worked for US.  It's not that way for every couple. 

    I think at a seprate time, when you're both calm and at baseline emotions, you should have a sit down convo with him about his concerns over getting pregnant and what's going through his head.  It's important to actively LISTEN to him and give him lots of floor space to talk and be heard.  If he feels like you're going to jump in and argue or give "buts" or counter his voice, he'll probably just shut down.  Find a time to openly and honestly listen to him and see what he has to say, thoughtfully consider his words, and go from there. 

    I wish you the best of luck!
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