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Houston Babies
Natalie&Mark
member
Must-Have Conversations
Natalie&Mark
member
We just spoke the other night about whether we'll want to know gender or not. Neither of us had an opinion on the topic, but now I'm leaning toward knowing.
Only later did the heavier issue of all the testing for genetic disorders occur to me. When you try to get pregnant, I don't think you mentally address anything but perfection, you know? I don't want to stress about it, but it's nothing we've ever spoken about...whether we would be a good family to a special needs child.
Is there anything else that we should make sure to talk about together?
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Re: Must-Have Conversations
We both wanted to know gender because we just couldn't wait . Plus I wanted to know if I needed to clean out DD's stuff or keep it and if I wanted all of my nephew's old stuff or not. I think with the 1st it would be easier to wait since you need all new stuff anyway but that's just me.
As far as genetic testing, we opted against it. Our decision would have been to continue with the pregnany anyway so we didn't need the extra worry. Plus, we were such low risk anyway that it wasn't worth it.
One thing we never talked about was letting the baby cry vs. soothing him. We were both on the same mind set on this one but I have friends who had many arguments about that. Also if you're going to breastfeed I'd talk about that too. I breastfed DS for a year and couldn't have done it without DH's support. He often says he never thought he'd have such a stong opinion about it.
Collin Thayne 10.11.2010
We found out the sex, just b/c we wanted to know. We got mostly gender neutral stuff since we were planning on more than 1 kid and wanted to re-use, but it was nice to get gender specific clothes and pick out boy bedding, etc.
We did the N/T scan and blood test at 13ish weeks - which for the most part tests for Down Syndrome. It wouldn't have changed our decision, but I would want to know if anything is wrong as soon as possible so I am prepared when baby gets here, rather than it be a "surprise" in the end. Of course, you can't determine all disorders, but I liked to cover my bases. Once we knew the risk was low for DS, then we didn't bother doing an amnio - but not sure if I would do it or not, depeding on the NT results. Woudl be a hard decision to make. We did not do the Cystic Fibrosis test b/c my doc said if we didn't have it in our family, it was not likley to show up. I don't think it was covered by insurance, either - so that's probably another reason we decided against it.
We wanted to know the gender because I'm a planner and he can't do surprises. :-)
We opted for genetic testing just so we could know & prepare if needed. We would not have terminated the pregnancy no matter what the outcome - we just wanted to know in advance.
And to answer your question as far as is there anything else...
The nursery/"gear" budget? :-) Probably not what you're asking us but still very important because it can be easy to get carried away.
Visitors in the hospital - just making sure you are on the same page about this so you're not thinking in your mind that you'll have a lot of intimate just the three of you time while he's thinking about having everyone & their uncle visiting in the hospital the entire time.
Both smart! Thanks.
I like the "test to prepare" approach. I think now that the peace of mind from having the test come back normal would be greater than skipping it, personally. I would want all that time to read up and learn everything about what to expect when super special baby comes, if they did find something.
You guys are so helpful!
This is pretty much Dr. Davidson's stance on testing. I used to be against any testing and we didn't do any testing with our 1st child (I had a different OB) but after hearing Dr. D's stance on it, it made sense and we went ahead with some testing.
1. We weren't planning on finding out the sex, but then around 20 weeks we changed out minds. Good Convo to have
2. We did NT scan- we are a Test to Prepare kind of couple.
3. Name- if you are going to share or not
4. Breast feeding for sure- it is very difficult to keep up with it if you're DH isn't super supportive.
5. Cry it out/ Soothe
6. Preferences of CoSleeping
7. Hospital Visitors & Visitors at your home the 1st couple days.
8. I'd play out all things that could happen in the hospital and what your "game plan" would be- like if you have to have a csection, or if your baby has to go to nicu etc. I mention this b/c we ran into a situation that we had not prepared for- I had an emergency CSection and LO had to go to the NICU and I was not able to see him for 5 hrs after he was born (I ended up with a fever) - and during this time DH ended up taking other family members into the NICU to see LO before I even got to see him. He hadn't even thought that this would be a problem with me- and at the time I couldn't express myself clearly because of being drugged and in recovery.
(Sorry that was long... but it's something now that I'm still bummed about and think that others should think about)
Shoot. I knew there was a lot we hadn't covered. There it is. THANKS!
Circumsicion. I know it's a given for many but we did not completely agree. In the end I left it up to him ( and we had a girl so ot didn't matter)
We did not find out the sex.
Who will be the baby's God parents. This was one of the more difficult things for us especially with number 1.
And in the even that something happens to you who will have custody of the baby(ies).
Yes. It was a hard decision and held us up on getting our wills in place.
I agree on the PP talking about the different hospital situations. We had decided that no one would be in the room but had not talked about when we'd have visitors. I delivered early and had some complications so I wasnt allowed visitors and now we both know we'll follow the same "schedule" this time even if I'm healthy.
Depending on your extended family and if you are BF, maybe discussing "protocol" for when its nursing time. I was not comfortable nursing in front of my IL's so having your H know you wishes so he can facilitate kicking people out of the hospital room, living room, wherever.
Oh, hey, Charlotte - just found out we're having quads. You wouldn't mind 7 kids in your house, would you?