Thinking about the future...
When you picture the future, what do you see? When you picture yourself one or two years down the road, do you picture another child?
Today is our 4th anniversary.
On our first anniversary, I was six months pregnant with our son.
On our 2nd anniversary, our son was 9 months old, and we were just starting to actively TTC #2.
On our 3rd anniversary, our son was 21 months old, we had been TTC #2 for a year, DH was one month post-op from his varicocele surgery, and we were cautiously optimistic that it would work.
On our 4th anniversary, our son is going on 3, we have been TTC #2 for 2 years, have started the adoption process, just did our 3rd IUI, and *should* have a one month-old, but instead just have the memory of my miscarriage 
I feel like every year in the past, I have looked ahead to the next year, and thought, "Well, maybe by next year we'll have another baby. Or at least have one on the way." This year, I honestly feel like I don't expect anything to be different a year from now. There is a chance that adoption could work out before then, but considering one of our agencies hasn't even had any birthmoms look at our profilebook in the last three months, I'm not feeling too optimistic. I'm pretty sure a year from now it will still be just the three of us. It's a weird feeling to finally kind of admit and accept it. It sucks, it's not what I wanted or dreamed of AT ALL (we should be TTC #3 by now), but it's just the way it is. I really can't imagine having another baby at this point.
Re: Thinking about the future...
Hang in there and just keep plugging along. We all need to do our best to not let 2IF bring us down.
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
"Jaded" is a good description for me as well. We actually wanted 4-6 kids, so having to accept life with only one child instead of the houseful of activitiy we had envisioned is a big change. I know that we will have more children through adoption someday, but when is a big mystery. And we certainly never planned on having such a big age gap...we were shooting for 18-24 months.
I am not sure what the future hold anymore. I still can't believe that I have been pregnant 3 times this year and don't have a baby in my arms or in my belly.
Like Amanda said, I am trying to focus on my blessings (my DD) and how lucky I am to have her. She will be 3 in less than a week.
::HUGS::
By our first anniversary I had had one m/c and was going through my second. Lovely anniversary...not so much!
By our 2nd I was 8 months pg with my son.
Our 3rd, Landon was 11 months old.
Our 4th, I had just had my 4th m/c.
Our 5th is this May...God I hope to be pregnant!!!
Its hard, I really think we will have a second child but its all a huge question mark!
12.6.07 CP at 5w
5.21.08 BO discovered at 7w, D&E at 8w3d
8.31.08 CP at 4w5d
BFP Sept 25, 2008 bfp buddy lkstor Landon born June 6, 2009
3.25.11 missed m/c discovered at 9w6d, D&E at 10w2d
4.28.11 MTHFR a1298c homozygous discovered
4.2011 Began NaProTechnology
10.12.11 Diagnosed with Type III Luteal Phase Defect
10.2011 Starting hcg injections on 5, 7 & 9 dpo
BFP 12.7.11 - EDD 8.14.12 - IT'S A BOY! Fruit Baby
Life During and After RPL
We planned on having 4 kids. I still pictured my future with 4 through much of our 2IF troubles - denial, maybe. That's where a lot of my pain came from too - knowing that the family I had imagined would never exist.
I had to remind myself that while most of my life has not gone as planned, I am HAPPIER overall than I ever could have imagined. Aside from this 2IF thing, my life is really, really good, and I'm so very grateful. I forget sometimes, but I am grateful still.
Like Amanda, I now have a hard time picturing the future. Sometimes I see just the 3 of us, and sometimes I let my mind wander and picture having 2 children... or 3 (twins please!) But mostly, I'm just daydreaming my desires. I'm trying to stop planning so much that's out of my control, and keep my planning to the immediate future.
(((HUGS)))
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
Miracle DD born 12.2005
TTC #2 since Dec 2008 w/ PCOS
***P/SAIF Always Welcome***
Keep it Natural, Baby!
Right there with you...keep going back to a year ago and thinking of how much easier life was before we began dealing with IF...had such high hopes last Christmas thinking "next year we'll have a newborn"...never would have imagined that I wouldn't even have one in my belly!
Trying to focus on the present these days and not be so anxious for the future...know it's out of my control and in God's hands (which I reiterate to myself every day) and when someone asks when we are having another I respond "we're ready just waiting on God"...
My sister has 5 children so I just thought it would be easy for me to conceive too...I'm not accepting that we'll be a family of 3...and as the OB/GYN of one my friend's (who was experiencing the emotions of subsequent miscarriages) put it..."you will have more children you just need to have an open mind!"...so I'm keeping my mind open...as much as I want and need to experience being pregnant again...I'm trying to remain open to the possibilities of our future family...