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DH having a hard time

P0upetteP0upette member
in Babies: 3 - 6 Months

I work 3 times a week, either in the evening (7pm to 2 am) or during the day on the weekends so when I work, DH watches DS.

Well lately, DS is being super fussy and having a hard time napping which means he is overtired and then of course has a meltdown when it's bedtime. the days AND the nights have been difficult for DH because he just can't soothe the baby.

 DH just had a massive meltdown, he feels inadequate and like a cry baby and has just a horrible time watching DS (the first few hours are OK but then it all just goes to sh*t) then DH gets nervous and frustrated which makes the baby nervous and frustrated and it's a vicious cycle.

any tips, advice or books he can read? I just need him to get a grip but am trying to be sympathetic. I can always shove a boob int he kids mouth, he can't so trying to be nice about it

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Re: DH having a hard time

  • PinkNoise123PinkNoise123 member
    No help here... That's the main reason I haven't gone back to work yet.  I can't stand the thought of the two of them awake all night and coming home to a screaming baby and frustrated/irritated husband!
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  • hepcatshepcats member
    What do you do to calm LO when he starts to get upset or fussy? Perhaps you could share some of those tips with DH? Try to share them at a time when he's not already frustrated by a situation. You could maybe lead in with asking what steps he takes when LO seems fussy, encourage him by saying they're good, and suggesting maybe trying these other things you do as well, in case his don't work. You could try giving him the Happiest Baby on the Block book as well. In all honesty though, he just needs to nut up and figure it out. lol I've had DH ask me a couple of times, all panicked, "what do I do" or "what's wrong with him?" 99% of the time my answer is "I dunno, let's try this" lol. Sometimes they feel inadequate because we come across too knowledgeable or too good at it or too natural at it and they like some reassurance that it's just as mind boggling for us too. :)
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  • Betts12Betts12 member

    I agree that giving him some tips when the situation is calm is a good move.  Honestly, I feel for your DH as I am sometimes in his position in that I feel like nothing works and I have a massive meltdown.  I usually talk myself out of it, though, by reminding myself that it's nothing personal, the baby is not going to die from crying and that I'm just doing the best I can.  I've had to get used to thinking creatively to find solutions to the problems which can be an adjustment.

    Good luck!

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  • P0upetteP0upette member
    Oh I have tried that, even having us do the nighttime routine together but it's like the baby starts freaking out and DH just looses it. But will keep on trying. and eventually he'll have to figure it out.
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  • clo1982clo1982 member

    My DH was having a similarly difficult time with our DD. She was fussy when she was a newborn...when I say fussy I mean she would scream to the point of turning purple for a solid few hours a day. He would start to get all PO'd, stomp around the house with her and ask 'what the hell is wrong with her!??!'. I finally got to a point where i just lost it on him and told him babies cry, that's it, they go through crabby periods just like we do but aren't able to verbalize how they are feeling. The problem is not hers, it's yours, so pull it together because the more stressed you get, the more stressed she will get. She is allowed to cry, try different things, if none of them work, just hold her and try to comfort her while she screams. But flipping out and acting like a loony is not doing her any good so get over it.

     I think men see how the moms can calm the babies and think we are some kind of baby whisperers but I think what it comes down to is that we are more calm and also more willing to try different things. My DH will hold her in a cradle hold (which she hates) then when she screams, he will put her on his shoulder (which she also hates unless she is sleepy). He will do both of these while sitting in front of the tv and not moving. When I hold her, I'm walking around, swaying or bouncing and changing how I hold her constantly. It's not that I have magical powers, it's just that I'm focused on her, not focusing on the TV and holding the baby as an afterthought. I told him believe it or not our daughter doesn't care to watch The Big Bang Theory! So doing what you want takes a back seat to keeping her occupied when she is fussy, no matter how inconvenient it is.

    Basically the same as what PP said 'he is going to have to nut up!' haha.

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