Bad Day
mush&sandy
member
It's been a week since I found out about my ectopic pregnancy. I got the methotrexate injection the day I found out (last Friday). I feel like I had been doing well, all things considered. I was feeling better with each passing day, both physically and emotionally.
My doctor called me today. My bloodwork from yesterday showed my HCG levels have not gone down. I had to go back today for a second round of methotrexate. I feel angry and guilty and sad. My body isn't doing a damn thing I want it to! I feel like this is such a setback; in getting my body on its regular cycle, in eventually TTC again. And I feel like this is kind of sick to think of/feel, but all I can picture is this little tiny bean in me holding on for dear life, but because it's not in the right place, I'M attacking it with medication (sorry if that visual bothers anyone).
And frankly, I'm tired of going back to the doctor's office for bloodwork. I'm not going for a good reason, ya know? I have to go because of this sad event in my life.
I haven't taken any prenatal vitamins since I found out. It just feels like a slap in the face to keep taking it. (I found out today that folic acid can affect the methotrexate - so I guess it's good that I stopped). I'll start them again soon enough.
Does anyone have any good jokes?
Re: Bad Day
I'm so sorry for your loss and sorry you are having such a horrible day. Yuck. I have felt all of those feelings too, all for various reasons and I'm sure I'll feel them again.
I will share what my good friend said to me when she found out about my m/c, it made me feel loved -- maybe it will do the same for you:
"Well, this really sucks. I am so very sorry. I know you wanted this so badly. Nothing I can say will make you feel better so I will just say that I love you and am thinking about you. Wow the world really sucks right now."
PS - I will not attempt to tell a joke, I am NOT funny.
I'm so sorry for everything you are going through, and it breaks my heart that you feel you are doing this this to your baby. I know this may not help, and I'm sure you know this, but your baby could not survive. You are taking the medicine to make sure you do survive, not to cause harm to your baby. But I understand your feelings, I'm sure that is such a difficult situation to be in.
My t&ps are with you. (((Hugs)))