Pregnant after 35

finally realize it's over (long but heartfelt, smile)

hello all,

thanks in advance for listening...i hope you'll stick and stay...

for the past six weeks i have been really hoping and praying that i was pregnant. i got married six weeks, sept 17, at age 48, and kinda new it was probably my last chance.  i always dreamed that a wonderful man would find me, he did, and we would start our family.  

my "symptoms" started a week after our honeymoon and they were classic -- feeling warm, heavy breasts, extreme exhaustion, etc.... foolishly, i started testing and the obsession began and the symptoms. by week three i was cramping and feeling hungry and that wretched metallic taste came into my world. But I was happy because all these things meant something, right...

Meanwhile, I spent hours on the internet interpreting every sign and signal..a new pimple, yes, that meant something, lower back pain, ah yes, another sign...and on and on it went. how many web pages did i sign up for?? i don't even know.

by week four, my irregular cycle was late -- i had a cycle in august and september -- so, i tested again but saw anything more than a faint blue line.

by week five, i was pretty close to nutty so i found one of those, "any lab now, places" and plunked down $50 of my grocery money to get a blood test.  the reading was < 2ml....

that should have been enough for a sensible person. i should have let it go for real, for real, but i didn't and strangely enough the symptoms continued.

by week six, i was having dizzy spells and nausea throughout the day. my waist was growing thicker and my hair and nails are growing beautifully together. just a few days ago, i noticed a strange dark line running from the top of my pubic area to just under my ribcage; my areolas are darker--and I'm a black female--and the blue veins in breast are very prominent. yet more testing only resulted in faint blue lines....

today, i stepped, with both feet, in the world of the totally foolish. i drove three hours to my doctor's office to take yet another test.  it, too, was negative. i became distraught and cried and cried and cried. they wanted me to take a blood test, but i didn't see the sense in that; in fact, i began wishing that i had never left home.

a sweet nurse strongly suggested that i take the test because "sometimes a urine test will never turn positive."  i relented, but then the next nurse couldn't find any veins to draw blood.  she tried twice.  i asked her not to try anymore and took it as a sign to get my recently expanded butt out of there.

i cried out the door.

i don't know what to think anymore, but this journey is over for me. i'm not pregnant, i'm perimenopausal and those symptoms began increasing six weeks ago. everything that i experienced, or think i did, is related to being perimenopausal.

i have to accept that. And no amount of dreaming, wishing, hoping or praying is going to change it for me--but for a little while, i had a chance to pretend what carrying life could be like and it was worth it!!  

i felt so alive and connected and happy and giddy. it was a wonderful feeling and reading all of your comments really helped me.  bride kimmie is the best at encouraging. thank you. i felt like i had made about 300 new friends...my deepest regret is that my husband is so disappointed. i wish now that i had kept it all to myself and not let my vivid imagination get his hopes up. 

i'm going to continue to read in because i enjoy the information and love hearing about your successes.  i really appreciated participating in a special sisterhood. having children later in life is a huge blessing...don't doubt it...i still believe it although it won't happen for me.

now, it's time for me to find other ways to contribute.  

am signing off...glad for the experience, grateful but no longer crying...

all the best to each of you

 

 

 

Re: finally realize it's over (long but heartfelt, smile)

  • Bernie-  I am soo sorry to hear this.  I don't remember what I said to you, but am very glad it was helpful to you.  Please feel free to stop in anytime.   I can only imagine what you must be feeling.  I am sitting here typing this and feel the tears welling.  I wish you the best!!  Feel free to private message me anytime.  Would love to hear how you are doing. 
    IAmPregnant Ticker
  • I am so sorry that you were let down but as you said at least you got to experience that feeling even for a little while.

    Did you ever consider seeing a reproductive endocronologist?  They may be able to help you if you have your heart set on carrying a child.  2 of my friends, one who is 34 and another  who is 37, both were already showing signs of being perimenopausal and the younger of them had IVF and her daughter will be 1 month old on Tuesday.  My other friend, I just found out is pregnant with her second.  You may not be out of the game completely.  I do want to warn that I know some REs do have age restrictions but I am not sure what they are.  It is worth at least looking into.  Otherwise maybe adoption might be an option for you?   

    You sound like a very sweet, thoughtful woman who would have a lot to off a child.

    I wish you nothing but happiness from this moment on.  You have a great attitude about it all and I wish you nothing but the best.   

    Congratulations on marrying the love of your life.  They are worth the wait :)  I had to wait 36 years to meet my wonderful husband and he is worth every minute (most days Stick out tongue)

    Keep that chin up and good luck in whatever you decide.


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  • Thoughts and prayers for you and your husband. Maybe the Universe has a different plan for you? I sounds like you have the love and desire to be a mother, and that doesn't necessarily mean carrying a child. Maybe there is a child that is supposed to be yours, just not in the way you had imagined it happening.

    Best of luck, love and joy to you on your journey.


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  • hi,

    thanks for writing back...your response and offer meant the world to me..as did the others.  

    i have a question that i can't seem to find an answer for...would you consider it and give me your best thoughts...

    my cycle has been irregular for about two years now. in august my pd started on 8/24 and lasted 4 days. in september, it started on 9/15 and lasted three days.  in the past, i have experienced "one day of a cycle" in the months with 31 days.  

    i expected the cycle to begin on 9/25; it didn't--i  had very brief brown spotting. then, i expected it on the 24. nothing happened. now, i'm "expecting" it on the 31st. 

    if it doesn't appear, would you agree that another dr. visit might be necessary to ensure that i'm just skipping and that nothing is wrong?   

    thank you... 

     

  • Bernie-  I would make an appt with doc if you will feel at ease.  You never know what they will say.  I wouldn't think anything is wrong, just as you said earlier perimenopausal.  Write to me anytime.  Will be glad to listen, offer a shoulder or advice if I have any to share.  I truly hope that you think about other options for children.  You sound from your posts as a mommy.  As PP stated, maybe it wasn't meant to be the tradtional way.  Hang in there. 
    IAmPregnant Ticker
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