I cried at work today and felt like a bad person

tdmd09 · October 2011

I'm an ER nurse so I see a lot of early pregnancies, miscarriages, ectopics, etc. I had a really sweet girl who came in to rule out an ectopic. She was so scared, asked if she did anything to cause this, etc. I decided to be open with her about my experiences with my two losses so she would know she wasn't alone and spent a lot of time with her explaining what we were going to do and assuring her that all of her feelings were normal.

We did the whole work up on her and her u/s showed a healthy 6w1d pregnancy with a heart beat. The doctor had me go in and give her the good news. She was so happy, and they hugged and kissed and it was great.

And then I realized that I never seem to be the recipient of that kind of joyful news, and I went into an empty room and cried my eyes out for a few minutes. I felt bad for not being totally excited for them, but I just felt so sad for me. I don't know if I'll ever have a healthy pregnancy, and I totally bared my soul to this girl and she ended up being totally fine. I even had another nurse discharge her because I couldn't bear to go back into the room, which makes me feel like a bad person, like I could only be "there" for her when things seemed bleak, which is totally not the case, but that's how I felt.

Sorry for venting, but I had to get that out. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

MeatballEsq · October 2011

I think that is a totally natural reaction to have! I'm sure that sharing your story likely gave her some comfort when she was scared, so you did a good thing for ever even if it did end up upsetting you. ((HUGS))

JessMike07 · October 2011

You are NOT a bad person!!!

Its great that you felt you could open up to her. Its also understandable that you cried your eyes out. Been there done that! Its totally unfair how life works!

I hope tomorrow is a better day for you! :::HUGS:::

kevinandmonica2011 · October 2011

((big hugs))... you are strong woman and a wonderful nurse. It took courage to share your story and I can't imagine how much the whole experience hurt you.

FX that tomorrow is a better day for you.

lavril · October 2011

Big (((HUGS)))

FreyaWin2382 · October 2011

Big hugs to you! And honey, it doesn't make you a bad person....it makes you human. I am an RN who works in a Pediatric hospital (mostly oncology), and so I know the fine line we all walk in trying to be professional while keeping our hearts in tact. I think that in your shoes I would have done the exact same thing, plus you were there for her when she needed you....I know that you did a great job, even though it hurt you.

babyquestnortheast · October 2011

Completely normal reaction! I can't believe you didn't fall apart before you did. We all have our moments. I know it hurts, I sometimes wonder when the hurt will stop being so sharp!

T&P's. ((HUGS))

hungryhippo · October 2011

ITA with everything PP said. That was a very brave thing to do. You never know if that girl will go through a loss someday or have a friend who does. You probably made someone's future experience a little better through sharing your story today. ((hugs))

tanya8 · October 2011

I think you would be more of a bad person if you didn't cry. You are only human, and you have every right to feel sorry for yourself. You are definitely a strong woman to have opened up about your troubles to a stranger. I will keep you in my prayers that you will finally get some good news of your own soon!

jenn0021 · October 2011

I am so sorry. You are not at all a bad person. I can sort of understand how you feel as a really good friend of mine had a miscarriage scare two weeks ago. It was basically the same circumstances as my second loss and even though I am so happy that so far baby is doing good, it also hurt that her situation ended so differently than mine did. Sending you huge ((hugs)).

adoxyinherear · October 2011

It sounds to me like you were really strong and awesome for her. You don't have any reason to feel bad! *hugs*

[Deleted User] · October 2011

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orangegoggles · October 2011

You are NOT a bad person. You were strong and provided support and comfort for someone you barely knew...you put aside your own feelings to help someone else. Big hugs to you.

killian09 · October 2011

That sucks. I'm sorry! You are not a bad person. I would have felt that way too. I don't know if it helps but when I first came to the hospital and was having a mc the nurse quietly told me she had had 3 mc. It was reassuring somehow. I felt she understood and that I was not alone. so I'm sure it meant something to your patient as well that you shared with her.

mijakach · October 2011

I agree with what everyone else has said. You are definitely not a bad person. That was very sweet of you to share your story with this girl.

It's definitely normal to feel like that. I hate feeling like that but I get upset seeing pregnant women because it just reminds me that it should have been me. It's not that I'm not happy for them or have any bad feelings towards them, but I just wish I could be part of that group.

TA110980 · October 2011

My heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been, and you are NOT a bad person. We never announced our pregnancy so I haven't told anyone about the m/c. Sometimes it eats away at me and I want to tell random people. I think I would have done the same thing in your situation. I secretly wish a friend would confide in me about their loss so I could have someone IRL to spill the beans with...

mork · October 2011

((HUGE HUGS))

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