Late Term and Child Loss
BeccaMarie
member
Post birth complications
BeccaMarie
member
I posted earlier that my son Carter passed on 10/18. His funeral was 10/24. I felt awful after the service, and worse the next day. I am so glad that I listened to the voice in my head and went to the ER, because I had a pulmonary embolism. (after stillbirth due to placental abruption)
I am so overwhelmed. Why do these things happen? I desperately want #2 (someday) and I feel like the universe is telling me no. I feel like how I process Carter's passing will be affected by my ability to TTC someday. It is terrifying.
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Re: Post birth complications
T1 diabetes diagnosed 11/95 due to severe pancreatic injury
BFP 1 1/22/10 EDD 9/30/10 Adria b. 9/11/10 d.8/9/11, Transposition of the Great Arteries,
Pleural effusion, Kidney Failure
BFP 2 4/26/12 EDD 1/3/13 M/C 5/13/12
BFP 3 10/3/12 EDD 6/17/13 Twins! Preston and Juliet b. 5/22/13
I agree with melis. I think it is normal to want to TTC right away and have another child-you already imagined a baby in your family and I personally felt cheated. After I lost Quincy, I was obsessed with researching adoption and surrogacy. But now, 9 months later, I am enjoying my daughters and focusing on them. I could easily see myself obsessing over how to have another child (I had a hysterectomy) and I don't want to take that time away from my girls.
I think, maybe, when my youngest is in pre-school, we might look into foster/adopt or international adoption. Or we might decide we are happy with our family size, who knows.
It took me about 6 months to really grieve the loss of a son and stop constantly focusing on having another child. I am still reminded of what I don't have, but I am able to concentrate on what I do have.
BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
Too beautiful for this earth
BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry to hear this! I am thankful you listened to that voice in your head too. I really hope you can have a break after this, and I'm so sorry you're facing so much at once.
I remember feeling like we wouldn't try again after DS passed, especially since we are high risk after this. After a little while, we found *enough* peace to feel like we can try again. I hope you can find this too. Don't be hard on yourself about this... in my experience, a lot changes in the several weeks and months following the loss and it is something we have to work through and continue to do so.
I also found that meeting with my perinatologist and coming up with a screening and induction plan for next time helped me gain a tiny bit of the reassurance that I've lost through all of this. There are also ladies on PgAL (and now PAL, I think) who have had live births after having a late loss and they do give me hope. They post on here too (I think lissasue just had her baby and lalallec was recently induced?) and can provide some hope. Big ((((hugs))))
? to Loss+M/PL+TTCAL+PgAL+PAL
PgAL/PAL welcome
not sure if I shared here, but DH was diagnosed with brain cancer in May (I think I was 14ish weeks along?). And then we lost Carter. And then I got the blood clots. I just want MY baby. And I need to stay healthy, because my DD needs me.
DH's health coupled with Carter's loss and the potentially fatal complications I have encountered during both of my deliveries make me feel like I will never get the privilege of having another child. It is like mourning two things at once. My heart is so broken that I don't know what to do. In the last year my life has just crumbled around me and I don't think I will ever understand why. And I know better than to ask "what else" because I know all too well that it can always get worse.
A Little Bird and a Monkey Butt