Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

question for those with early losses

1.) What have you done to help with the grieving process?  My DH wanted to "name" the baby, but I am not so sure.  When the spring rolls around we plan on planting a tree for LO.

2.) If you had a D&C what, if anything, were they able to tell you from any testing done afterwards?  

DD #1 Amber Lynn 12/2000, DD #2 Leia Elizabeth 6/2009, DD#3 Aayla Ruth 08/2012. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: question for those with early losses

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our little one at 8w5d (or that's when we found out). We talked about naming "him", but we called him Beanie from the start and decided that was just the perfect name. It would have felt odd to choose something different. If we hadn't always called him that, though, I would probably have picked a gender neutral name. I miscarried at home so we were able to bury him at the top of the trail where we got engaged. We also plan to plant a tree. Even if we hadn't been able to bury him, though, we probably would have buried a box with letters to him or mementos or something else to represent him. I know that's extreme to some people, but for us it was a really precious way for us to celebrate our sweet baby and say goodbye.
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    Married my love 6/11/11 | MMC 10/11/11 | Eliza Frances born 9/18/12 | Rhett Garland born 2/24/14 

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  • 1) I have a Xmas ornament I bought from Etsy w/ an angel on it (it's for m/c) and I write on the back the dates of all of the miscarriages (4 total...w/ one healthy baby in the middle).

    2) My 1st D&C results were inconclusive.  It said healthy girl.  So either the baby was a healthy girl...or they got my tissue to sample.  I just got my results from my D&C a few weeks ago today...it was Trisomy 16.  3 copies of the 16th chromosome.  It is the most common chromosomal issue that causes miscarriage.  I guess it was a fluke when everything was dividing/multiplying at the very beginning.   

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers 1st m/c July 2008, 2nd m/c December 2008, Baby boy born in 2009!, 3rd m/c (c/p) June 2011, 4th m/c September 2011
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  • I'm sorry for your loss.

    As for the grieving process, we haven't done anything specific, really.  I've been keeping a blog that I'd started the day I found out I was pregnant and I've been very open in talking about it with my friends and family and especially DH.  

    As far as the results of any testing they did, I didn't have a d&c, but my doc had me collect the tissue and bring it in when I passed it.  Since this was my first pregnancy/first m/c, they just did pathology on it and the results  came back "benign."  I take that to mean that there was nothing obviously wrong that they could find in basic testing.

    BFP #1 9-15-11; EDD 5-28-12. US 6w2d, growth

    BFP #2 12-6-11 and 12-7-11; EDD 8-17-12. US 6w6d measuring 5w6d. Misoprostol Assisted m/c 1-16-12 at 9w3d.

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  • Thanks for the feedback ladies.
    DD #1 Amber Lynn 12/2000, DD #2 Leia Elizabeth 6/2009, DD#3 Aayla Ruth 08/2012. Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • So far, the only thing I have is the pregnancy loss bracelet that my mom bought for me. It has a couple of different stones in it which represent love/calming/healing as well as a butterfly charm which is supposed to represent hope. She's never had a loss before and I thought that was a nice way to show that she cares...so I wear it everyday now.

    I didn't have a D&C, but I wish I could have had some kind of testing done.

    imageimageimage
    BFP #1 ~ EDD 5.20.2012 ~ MC 10.1.2011
    BFP #2 ~ EDD 11.15.2012 ~ CP 3.7.2012
    BFP #3 ~ DS born 12.03.2012

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  • First, I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope you are holding up okay.

    1.) The only thing that has helped me is time... & being able to talk to women who understand my pain on this board has helped. We have not named our babies...We haven't done anything is remembrance of them either... I just haven't found/thought of anything that feels right...I am currently working on a small tattoo for my wrist in remembrance of my lost babies.

    2.) After all the tests... the only result we get back is "everything is normal" Extremely frustrating to not have any answers to the ongoing question of "Why?" 

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    "Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it" 
    --Helen Keller 

    4 miscarriages: Nov 2009,  Jan 2011, Sept 2011,  Oct 2012
    IVF Round 1:
    3/4/15: Egg Retrieval
    16 Eggs Retrieved -- 15 Fertilized via ICSI -- 10 Blastocysts Biopsied for PGD & PGS -- 2 (male) Blastocysts Remain for Transfer
    5/13/15: FET -- 5/26/15: BFN
    CANCELLED IVF Round 2.

    Living a happy, child-free life with my best friend.
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  • 1) i haven't done anything yet except sit and eat about 4 months worth of chocolate (doesn't help that it's nearly halloween). what i needed most was time, so i allowed myself to take the week off without regret and that's been really helpful.

    i'm considering buying a piece of jewelry to remember this one by. she/he would have been due in june, so i was thinking of getting pearl earrings or a necklace (for their birthstone). or something with both a pearl and an opal (for october, when i lost them). i haven't bought anything yet as i haven't decided if that will make me happy or sad to wear, but that's probably what i would do if anything

     

    edit: scratch that, i found a necklace that i thought was perfect to remember my lost one by. it's got a pearl for june and a peruvian opal for october, with a starfish (i'm fond of undersea things and it's been raining here for forever, so it seemed fitting)
    https://www.etsy.com/listing/56562950/sterling-silver-starfish-charm-necklace 


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  • 1.) What have you done to help with the grieving process? My DH wanted to "name" the baby, but I am not so sure. When the spring rolls around we plan on planting a tree for LO.

    I really wanted to name the baby, we decided on Alex (good for both a boy or a girl) I plan to miscarry at home and hopefully we will be able to bury it with a tree we will be planting. I think I would also like a small tattoo on my left rib cage but not sure what I will get. My DH is  digging the hole for the tree as I type this, not sure if its part of his grieving but I am sure it helps.

    2.) If you had a D&C what, if anything, were they able to tell you from any testing done afterwards?

    we want to do this naturally we don't plan on doing any tests, I am not sure if the results would help or hurt.  

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  • So sorry to hear about your miscarriage. 

    I haven't really do'nt anything too specific as far as grieving goes.  Probably just resting and staying home has helped.  I took 2 days off of work and just completely vegged out.  I did choose to bury the baby (what I think was the fetal tissue anyway).  I put it in a pot of calla lillies that I have b/c calla lillies are special to me and my husband and that really helped me a lot to do that.  Also I saved my 3 home urine pregnancy tests from when we found out.  I put them in a ziploc and labeled it as my first pregnancy, the due date it would have had and the miscarriage date.  Other than that I have just cried when I felt like it.  Hope that helps :)

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