How to handle stranger anxiety.
I think my daughter has started to develop some stranger anxiety. There have been several instances, usually around friends, where she starts to bawl and almost nothing seems to calm her down except to leave. She has also started to cry a few times because strangers at the grocery got a little too close to her.
She is not in daycare. I watch her the majority of the time, minus the 3 mornings a week that I work when she is with my husband. Occasionally my mom (and dad) will watch her while we go out or when we both have to work, and she's done okay. Several people have told me that she's going to have horrible anxiety because of this and that I should let strangers watch her to get her over it, but I am very uncomfortable doing this. Is there any way I can help ease her stranger anxiety? I am not bothered by it now, but will this develop into a childhood issue? Or am I just worrying for nothing?
Any input would be great. TIA!
Re: How to handle stranger anxiety.
I think five months old is too young for people to start "diagnosing" your child for you. Even a child without so-called stranger anxiety, shouldn't be forced to "let strangers watch her." I'm curious: Who are these people who are telling you to over-ride your child's feelings? Do they have children?
I'd say just do what people normally do--let your LO see you interact with other adults and give her the opportunity to interact with other children as she gets older.
I'm going to sound like a babywearing "pusher," (kind of like a drug dealer) by adding this: Having her in a carrier can allow her to observe adult interactions and conversations while still being close to you and feeling a bit more secure. She'll see how your face lights up when you see a friend. She'll learn that not all strangers are ad when she watches you talk to salespeople, greet a neighbor, respond "good mornig" to a random stranger. She'll also see how you side-eye the creepy person who's doing something weird like intruding on your personal space ( thus, learning appropriate stranger leerieness).
She had a meltdown (the first time) at a babyshower, so I had about 5-6 people give me advice. One of them was my friend and her mom, and my friend has since said once more than I need to put her in daycare or get a babysitter.
I wear my daughter pretty often (and love it), and so far she hasn't gotten upset when I do that, but the few times she did get upset at the grocery store were when she was in the seat. I'll start wearing her when we go to people's houses and see if this helps. Thank you!
Thanks! Good to know. She hasn't had a problem at home yet, thankfully!
Oh! I misunderstood what you meant by "let strangers watch her." I thought people were telling you to just walk & away leave DD when she cries--like walking away and randomly leaving her with people at a gathering (like the baby shower).
If you choose a quality daycare or a babysitter, your LO will adapt and form a bond with the other care provider. I wouldn't consider that leaving her with a stranger to watch her.
Ah, I'm sorry. I meant stranger as in someone who isn't a family member. One person did tell me I needed to let her "adjust" to being held by other people, but I think she just didn't want to hand my daughter back to me lol.
The friend who suggested a daycare or babysitter said that it would help my daughter become more socially adjusted if she got used to multiple people in a parental position. She said that she's developing early stranger anxiety because she's too dependent on me, which I don't necessarily agree with, but also do not want to become a helicopter parent. :-/
Good to know! The only experience I have is what my mom did with my sister and I. I was in daycare, when I was a few years old, but my sister never was. My sister was much less outgoing than I was as a child, so I was not sure if it was due to the fact that I did go to a daycare or just our personalities.
Since she does stay at home, I was thinking of just taking her to some classes or groups for her to interact with other kids when she's old enough to play.
I think an important thing to remember is that a great deal of our LO's personality has nothing to do with how we parent.
Some kids are more reserved, even as infants. I have two children, and they are pretty much opposites when it comes to being social and friendly with unfamiliar people, and they have been that way since they were very tiny.
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