It's over

Shayna0182 · October 2011

So I got my genetic testing results back yesterday. Nothing was found in all of my blood work, so there really isn't an explanation for why we lost Grace and Hannah. The doctor did say, that given my history with blood clots developing in the placenta, that he recommended that I do heparin shots, should we ever ttc again.

At this point, we're probably at the end of the road as far as having more children goes. I can't go through what we went through with losing the girls again. I discussed tubal ligation with my doctor and dh, and that's what I'm considering doing.

I feel like I'm grieving another loss all over again.

roxyttandme · October 2011

I am so sorry hun. If my memory sounds correct and for what it sounds like your loss is was not all that long ago. I would encourage you to wait a good year if not two before making that decision. Have some other longer term birth control in the mean time.

I can tell you that with a two year post loss perspective, that how you feel today is not going to be how you later on. My views on our loss have changed dramatically even in the past 6 months - let alone 2 years. With time comes the process of coming to terms with your loss. Acceptance was a HUGE step for me. I can now say I accept that Haleigh really is in a better place - not something I would have said even a year ago. Would be be better off at home with her mommy and daddy? Ff course - but only if she wouldn't have suffered. Otherwise, we made the right choice. I am not trying to make this about me- rather show you and example of how such a powerful feeling and attachment can change over time. In the beginning if someone told me Haleigh would be better off in heaven, I would clocked them in the jaw. Now, I have a different perspective and can acknowledge that there is some truth in the statement. That perspective didn't come over night - it came with years. Maybe in a year from now, your desire to have another child, your confidence to attempt will changes.

(((hugs))) None the less.

Shayna0182 · October 2011

We lost our Hannah in May of 2010, and Grace in March of 2007. If I was even 3 months out from my losses, I would completely agree with you. I waited a long time to even have the genetic testing to even think of ttc again, because I was in a bad place, emotionally. I've had 3 placental abruptions in 4.5 years, and while maybe the shots could work, and keep it from happening, I'm not sure I can take another loss.

It's definitely not a decision I can make lightly, and I know that. I think I was praying that there might be a reason for why my girls are gone, and there isn't.

roxyttandme · October 2011

I am so sorry, hun. I misunderstood your story. In that case, I think you need to do what you feel is right. You are going to know what is above anyone else. Have you thought of adoption?

My heart breaks for you... (((hugs)))

magdalina.h · October 2011

I am so sorry. My results all came back fine and it was so hard to hear. I didn't want anything wrong with me, but I wanted there to be a reason.

starrkitten89 · October 2011

(((hugs))) I am so sorry.

hewinked · October 2011

I think you are grieving another loss. Making that decision when you're really not done mentally having kids is like another loss. So many hugs coming your way.

Cercamom2011 · October 2011

(((HUGS)))) GL with whatever you decide.

krysiahamaty · October 2011

I am so sorry. That's definitely grieving another loss. Big hugs.

Carolee · October 2011

Big (((HUGS))). I'm so sorry. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

lovemymaddy · October 2011

I'm sorry hon. I agree with pp about maybe taking some time to decide for sure, just to be on the safe side. ((hugs)) I know it can't be an easy decision to make.