Hating Breastfeeding

ababymaybe · October 2011

I feel so guilty even posting this. LO latches well, my supply is good, etc. But I still just do not enjoy it.

I feel totally tied down, either I have to bring LO with me everywhere (and I am really not comfortable nursing in public, nor is it convenient to do so in places like the grocery store) or I have to make really short trips. He nurses 24/7 (he's two weeks old) so it is hard to pump anything extra to have on hand just yet.

The days aren't SO bad, but at 3am I feel like strangling someone as he takes an hour to feed, change, and get back to sleep. He never latches off, either, he just gets lazy and starts comfort nursing but he freaks out when I take him off the boob unless he's totally out. My poor nipples can't take it. The odd time I have given him expressed BM or formula, it's SO MUCH faster.

People say it'll get better, but when? At this point I'm not sure I can make it to the critical 6-week mark. I feel horrible saying this but often I just plain dread feedings. I've been depressed in the past and I am worried that nursing when I hate it so much is going to contribute to PPD.

JKB1986 · October 2011

Have you tried slipping a paci in when he switches to comfort sucking? It worked for DS otherwise I would have had a baby attached to me constantly. Have you tried the side lying hold for overnight feedings? Is there anyone else that can take care of the middle of the night changing and rocking to sleep once a paci is inserted so you can just be in charge of nursing and get at least a little extra rest?

tokenhoser · October 2011

The first few weeks are rough - but later on, it is so much easier to just be able to pull out a boob. I've breastfed all over... on a plane, in lines, out with older cousins, at the movies. I never have to worry about bringing enough, getting it the right temp, keeping it cold, etc.

I agree that it might be time to introduce a paci, and that someone needs to give you a "night off" where all you're responsible for is feeding and that person does everything else - including bring you the baby and take him away after ~20 min max feed. You're exhausted, and it's reasonable to resent that.

I resorted to cosleeping and side-lie nursing before 2 weeks. It saved my sanity. If you would consider that, it might help. Even without the cosleeping, doing more lying down is good.

As for the fact that he wants to eat while out: he's 2 weeks old. Your job right now is to take care of the baby. Let the house go to crap. Let your partner bring home pizza. Go into survival mode, park on the couch, and feed the baby. I promise it gets better - even by 4 weeks, you're over the first couple growth spurts. Do you have a boppy/bf-ing pillow? I parked him on my boob in the evening and played on the bump or watched TV.

Hang in there. You can do it - and it really is worth it. It gets so much better.

ababymaybe · October 2011

Thanks for the replies. I will try some of that. I wasn't sure how side-lying would work, my boobs are quite small so I feel like I would have to sort of be half on top of him? LOL, maybe I need to look at more pictures online.

DH is a lot of help and my mom has been here too, so that's keeping me sane. I just wish I could get more than 2 hrs of sleep in without him having to feed.

Sometimes he takes the paci, sometimes not. When he does take it, he spits it out pretty quickly and then fusses til he gets it back. I think he would like it more if he could learn to keep it in, I know he's pretty young and it can be a bit of an acquired skill.

tokenhoser · October 2011

Have you looked at the Happiest Baby on the Block stuff? That might help, too.

For side-lying, I use a body pillow behind me to prop up my back and hips, and a pillow under my head. My bottom arm goes over the baby's head and around the baby, who is on his side. It's worth a shot - bf-ing can be hard on the body if you're always holding the baby.

BeachBlondie456 · October 2011

I felt the exact same way a couple of weeks ago. I was so exhausted and started to dread feedings. My LO would comfort nurse for HOURS and I just wanted to cry. We had a very rough start, with latch issues and a case of thrush that I'm still battling. But it DOES get better. She is starting to space out her feedings and I'm not feeling tired anymore- I think my body is just used to the lack of sleep! Don't give up just like pp said it gets better!!!

vanfox · October 2011

The critical 6 week point is also the point when it gets way better. It sucks (no pun intended) that the earliest weeks are also the hardest weeks, but once they pass, it really is smooth sailing. I haaaaaaated breastfeeding the first two weeks, grudgingly participated in the next four, and when those were up, I realized it hadn't been so bad in awhile.

Now I have bottle-feeding mothers lament to me that they wished they hadn't given up so early because they see DS get latched on and finished in under 10 minutes without me needing to tote anything around. And this is always completely unprompted -- I have no problem with FF moms and rarely feel like discussing my baby-feeding choices in public.

Oh, and DS went from eating maybe 15-16 times a day in the first couple of weeks to 6-7 now. I actually look forward to having some time on the couch with him eating now, since it means he's stopped rolling/trying to crawl/pulling on my hands to try to stand for a few minutes.

brittas · October 2011

I felt tied down at first, but just think of the health of your LO. BF gets so much easier. I remember the first time LO nursed for a total of 10 minutes. I think it was about 5 weeks. I was shocked! Now LO will sleep at night for 6 hours, and the first time he wakes, I can nurse and be back in bed in 15 minutes. Think about all the bottles you won't have to wash, the formula you would have to buy (I hear its expensive) and all the calories you will burn! Good Luck!

mdargie · October 2011

I could have written this myself when LO was 2 weeks. I felt EXACTLY the same way, my DH never has helped out much at all, especially during the night. I just stuck it out because I dreaded the thought of making and washing bottles, and paying for all that formula. Now that LO is 12 weeks, BF is 1000000 times easier! No bottles to wash or mix, I can feed her instantly whenever she is hungry. The way I got through the hard times was to keep reminding myself of how easy it would be eventually.

That being said, DO NOT feel bad if you do decide to go the formula route. Like OP said, happy mom = happy baby and it will not be detrimental at all to LO. Every family is different, and at the end of the day, your LO wants you to be happy too. GL no matter what you decide to do.

mrsmikey · October 2011

The others have given you wonderful advice, but I just wanted to say that I also felt the same way, and for me the feeling never went away. I do think you should try to hang in there a little longer and see if it gets better. For me, it did get better as DD got older, but I still didn't like it.

You could also consider pumping if you decide you don't want to BF anymore. That's what I ultimately decided. I was going to switch to formula, but just had too much guilt over not giving her breastmilk. I EP'ed for DS and hated it, but I was never able to nurse him. I think I don't mind it so much this time around b/c I was able to nurse DD and don't have that "what if". I choose not to pump enough times a day to only give her BM, so I supplement a little with formula (just a few ounces). I don't feel bad about it at all because she's still getting mostly breastmilk and I don't feel tied to the pump.

And you can also do a combination of things. BF, EP, and FF are not all or nothing. You can nurse sometimes and pump others, or nurse and give formula, or whatever combination works best for you. You just have to figure out what works best and what makes you happy. I think sometimes people forget and feel like they either have to EBF or not BF at all, and it doesn't have to be that way. Just hang in there and do what makes you happy!

BostonMama2011 · October 2011

I was super depressed and emotional the first 3 weeks until it got better. I was ready to quit a million times. I am so glad I didn't b/c I'm at 4 months now and it's so easy. Like PP said, sometimes I wish she ate longer so I could just watch TV instead of playing with her all the time. haha

kacelle · October 2011

tokenhoser:
The first few weeks are rough - but later on, it is so much easier to just be able to pull out a boob. I've breastfed all over... on a plane, in lines, out with older cousins, at the movies. I never have to worry about bringing enough, getting it the right temp, keeping it cold, etc.
I agree that it might be time to introduce a paci, and that someone needs to give you a "night off" where all you're responsible for is feeding and that person does everything else - including bring you the baby and take him away after ~20 min max feed. You're exhausted, and it's reasonable to resent that.
I resorted to cosleeping and side-lie nursing before 2 weeks. It saved my sanity. If you would consider that, it might help. Even without the cosleeping, doing more lying down is good.
As for the fact that he wants to eat while out: he's 2 weeks old. Your job right now is to take care of the baby. Let the house go to crap. Let your partner bring home pizza. Go into survival mode, park on the couch, and feed the baby. I promise it gets better - even by 4 weeks, you're over the first couple growth spurts. Do you have a boppy/bf-ing pillow? I parked him on my boob in the evening and played on the bump or watched TV.
Hang in there. You can do it - and it really is worth it. It gets so much better.

This is great advice! At 2 weeks, I broke down and sobbed because I was so tired and didn't feel like I had a handle on anything yet. But it got so much better so soon after that! I agree with token that it's much easier to just BF when out of the house rather than worrying about heating bottles (DD refuses to take them unless they're heated) and bringing gear along with me.

Differjean · October 2011

As soon as I read that you were at 2 weeks it all made sense. The first few weeks are SOOO hard. I thought the 2nd time around would be easy since I knew what I was doing (or so I thought), but it was STILL hard. It gets SO much easier. You are so sleep deprived that all your body wants to do is sleep and breastfeeding seems to interfere with that, but it's really just any newborn.

I had my DH rent movies for me to watch while I was nursing. I'd watch bits and pieces throughout the night and would eventually watch the whole thing. Definitely try a paci. I waited with my daugther and then a friend had her baby (the same day as I did) and she had a paci in her babies mouth the day she was born. It was her #4 and she breastfed all of them. Needless to say, my DS had a paci much earlier than DD. He still did fine breastfeed. DD was a comfort nurser too. I was going crazy at 1-4 weeks until I got her on a paci.

Seriously, it does get easier. You should make a goal to hit the 6 week mark and re-evaluate then. Hang in there.

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