:-( rant... blah.
I know I'm still really new here, but I have no where else to talk about this.
I'm now 17 weeks pregnant as of today.
Got in a huge fight with the baby's father last night. It didn't turn out well. He's not going to pay for anything unless he can see the kid (joint custoday, everything equal). I don't have anything against him seeing his kid, but I am going to be the primary caregiver, the baby will live with me... I don't want the kid going away for a week with the father. He lives over 3 hours away! Just the swap would be killer on both of us. AND His apartment is terrible... no door on the bathroom, no room for a crib, nothing like that. Yet he thinks he can take care of the baby in that. Not only that, he has 2 cats that shed EVERYWHERE and he doesn't know how to clean! His apartment is seriously disgusting and he thinks it's completely fine. GROSS. Also... he works second shift (3pm-midnight). So how in the world is that going to work? Just seems ridiculous to even try with this man.
I can't stand the man. I honestly wish the father was someone else. Someone who has a stable life and a good job. I can't worry about this much longer. This is stress I don't need in my life.
Sorry for the rant.
Re: :-( rant... blah.
1) Relax
2) You're not married to the father of your child, so it's up to him to file for visitation/custody. You don't have to agree to ANYTHING prior to the child being born.
3) He's likely blowing smoke up your ass about wanting 50/50 custody in an effort to scare you...because he think he won't have to pay CS if he has 50/50 custody.
4) No court in it's right mind will award 50/50 of a newborn/infant. Much less to a father who lives 3 hours away
5) You are your LO's only advocate. Remember that. Don't let your X bully his way around.
The moment your little one is born, file for child support. You may have to prove paternity.
Let him file for visitation. You do not have to let the child see him until a court order is put in place. He does have to pay child support if it is court ordered, regardless of his involvement in the child's life.
Um just a head's up.
This one is a little BSC.
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
Or, she's getting ready to have a child for the first time (scary enough) in less than ideal circumstances and she's freaking out because she's being bullied by her child's biological father.
Yes, she needs to get herself a lawyer and get informed immediately. This will help her in being able to prepare for the legal issues and the emotional toll they take after her child is born.
But the linked post made me upset that so many women who understand how difficult it is to be preganant, hormonal, and have a million worries and preperations to make in expecting a child cannot cut some slack to a woman in the same position, but who is also not only lacking the support of a partner, but is feeling intimidated by her child's father. Yes, she made a mistake in having a child with this man, but that doesn't mean she can't come back and be a good parent with the right information and support - which is what she came here looking for!!!
OP - your child's father is not a lawyer, and he many of the things he is threatening are not going to happen as he imagines. You need to get a lawer and be prepared to file for child support when your child is born. Let your child's father file for visitation. 50/50 is extremely unlikely when your child is so young. Short, frequent visits are better emotionally for your LO and overnights will probably not happen for some time.
At this time, deal with your lawyer only and tell you child's father you will keep him updated on the health of your child, but that is all the contact you need to have. There is no point in dealing with debating visitation/custody issues that won't be decided until after the baby is born and even then is in neither of your control.
Good luck to you.
Yes, please listen to the possible LJF. She is a beacon of wisdom (and entitlement) and got KU by a man whom she knew was married.
Priss28King is wise.--"Lurky, you are so mean... but always so on point!"
None of that makes the information I offered her incorrect.