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Need PgAL advice re: "coming out" at work

MickeyM04MickeyM04 member
in Pregnant after a Loss

So I will be 12 weeks on Saturday.  My OB says 14 weeks starts 2nd tri, so I still have a ways to go before I'm out of 1st tri.  My best g/f at work knows I'm pregnant.  No one else does.  But apparently everyone has started to notice something is up with me, as people have started asking her if I'm pg.  Basically, I'm very petite and have a small bump already (confirmed by the few people who know I'm pg).  I usually wear very form fitting clothes because, well, I'm very petite so I'm not shy about showing it off. 

So in order to hide what has become a very visible bump (compared to the rest of me anyway), I have been wearing very loose clothes.  Not maternity clothes, but completely different from what I usually wear.  And it's all new/borrowed because 100% of my wardrobe is form fitting.  So people have noticed a) I'm wearing very loose clothes, b) Everything I'm wearing is something I've never worn before, and jumping to the conclusion that they must be maternity clothes (they're not) and assuming I'm pg.  I did not want to announce before 14 weeks but I'm wondering if it's disrespectful to my bosses if it's starting to become obvious and I'm not saying anything.  And it may only become more obvious in the next couple weeks (I wouldn't announce before Monday 11/14). 

WWYD?  Say screw it and announce when you're comfortable and let people talk?  Or avoid looking like you're being really sketchy with your bosses.  I feel like those women on the TV shows that get pregnant in real life and they hide it with these loose clothes and big bags on the show and you're like, "COME ON!" 

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 BFP #3 8/27/13 ~ EDD 5/11/14.  4/27/14:  Our second take home baby is here!

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Re: Need PgAL advice re: "coming out" at work

  • karma79karma79 member
    Go with what you are comfortable with. It may be less anxiety with the news out. If you've had you 12w u/s and it turned out ok then it may be a good time to spill it. I came out before 14w... but I'm terrible with secrets. GL on what you decide to do.
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  • williams4mewilliams4me member
    I would say announce when you are ready.  People will always talk, so let them talk.  If you feel ready then I say share the news.  I just told my Boss like a week or so ago.  It got to the point where every time I went in his office I was holding paperwork or folders in front of my bump.  lol
    BFP #2 7/20/11 ** EDD: 3/28/12: IT'S A BOY!
    BFP #1 12/30/10 ** EDD: 9/6/11** H/B stopped at 10w 6d conf on 2/22/11 ** D&C 2/24/11.
    Congrats to my Labor Buddy LoriJ11, baby Elise born 2/24/12
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  • nicolelorraine80nicolelorraine80 member

    I only told my bosses because I wanted them to know why I would be showing up to work late, or leaving early.

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  • jaxie320jaxie320
    I would share the news when you feel comfortable.  I told my principal at 11 weeks because I was already in a meeting with her and my NT scan was a week later and I needed to leave an hour early.  A few teachers who also knew about my loss knew before my principal.  I don't think the others will find out until I show up at a staff meeting with a noticeable bump, which probably won't be for a little while.  Good luck with whatever you decide!
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  • mrs.geemrs.gee member
    I'd definitely screw it and tell them when you are good and ready. Let them gossip, not your problem. I didn't tell my bosses until 17w. And for the record, you are not being disrespectful: it's your body, your life, your anxiety, and you get to deal with it however you please. Even if you wait until 14w, that gives them 26 weeks to get over the news and that's plenty of time to work with you on a plan for how to handle your leave. I honestly would have waited longer if I didn't feel self-conscious that I was maybe showing at 17w (turns out that was all in my head and no one had a clue, but that's another story).
    DS 04.25.08 DS 03.14.12 missed m/c 9w1d :: 6.18.10 :: d&c | missed m/c 9w3d :: 11.2.10 :: d&c
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  • fish000fish000 member
    I didn't tell anyone until I was ready, which was well after my 2nd tri mark. I think just tell your bosses first and explain their were real reasons for waiting until now to announce (don't need to go into details). Best tell them before they know for sure, but I think people make little guesses but don't really know until you are really showing. It's up to you and people soon move on once you announce.
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  • Eris-AlexisEris-Alexis
    I didn't want to come out until after we passed our latest loss milestone, but my boss started talking about sending me to travel for a month and I had to tell him earlier than planned.  Luckily, he's very understanding and kept it secret, but it was earlier than I was comfortable with.  I think you should weigh how comfortable you are, with your boss(es), their likely reaction and whether or not they can keep a secret.
    TTC #1 since 8/09
    BFP#1 - 9/2/10, EDD 5/14/11, Twins Hannah and Liam lost 11/7/10 @ 13w1d.
    BFP #2 - 2/9/11, EDD 10/13/11, LO lost 2/13/11 @ 5w4d
    BFP #3 - 5/9/11, DS born 1/13/12

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