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Upstate NY Babies
What is happening to my son?!
I think he's the devil...L never really acted out or hit - he had his moments but nothing like the past 2 days...he's been hitting and screeching and just acting out...
He's been great with Xavier- wanting to help and touch and bring him everywhere he is- so that's been great but how do I curb all the other stuff?
Isnt he too little for time out (we did try it but he kept getting up and he wilded out to the point of almost hyperventilating...)? I'm more of the re-direction and saying "we dont hit" type but that really isnt working...
I'm so nervous about my dh going back to work and me having to handle it alone...
advice?
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Re: What is happening to my son?!
Sounds like typical attention seeking behavior with a new sibling around, it should pass. He's being great with the baby because he doesn't want his attention, he wants yours- which is soooo hard with a newborn. Make sure you're giving him lots of praise and positive attention when he's good- I know, I know... easier said than done, lol.
We started time outs with Justin around 20 months- the ped said it was fine. 1 minute for each year of their age. So at L's age we'd do 90 seconds and he had to apologize and give a hug when he came out.
E started this too. She started BITING me! So I put her in her crib with some books for quiet time. It works for about 15min...and that I think is long enough, then we talk about not biting...etc...and of course she doesn't really listen. But it works for that moment.
Ditto MrsW word for word.
This too shall pass, hang in there!
Charlie 11.01.07 ~ Paul 05.07.10 ~ Annaliese 02.24.12
Yep - I'd say textbook sibling jealousy. I'd try to be forgiving as much as you can - redirect and make sure he's getting attention too.
We didn't do timeouts at that age - but when we started we put him in his crib for 2 minutes and told him he had to be a good boy, etc. He loves to hear when he's being a good boy and when he starts to act up I sternly ask him if he is being a good boy - and he stops and smiles and says "good boy" and moves on.
Sounds about right. You're directing a lot.. most.. of your attention to the newborn, and L isn't used to it. It takes a long time. And it won't just be the newborn.. every single time I'm on the phone, the kids act up.
I was sure to spend the infant's nap time doing special 1-on-1 stuff with DD. Like beads or playing with coins or stuff that we couldn't have out when the baby was awake.
Nest Bio ~ ~ Baby Food Blog
I agree with this too. We went through it, it was frustrating, but it was a short time. We did time-out as well for 1 minute.
I held DD in timeout on my lap-faced her away from me and didnt talk to her. It held her still b/c she was all over the place. Shes just starting now where I can sit her down and she'll stay,but I have to stand right there or she gets up.
The behavior lady that comes to my house said that you need to be very clear of why they are in time out when dealing with toddlers and preschoolers. So instead of not talking to them, you would sternly say something like "You are in time-out because you hit the kitty and that is not OK. We don't hit!" Then reinforce those same words everytime they try to get up. Otherwise they get focused on the punishment and it may even become a game, rather than focusing on the poor behavior that needs to be corrected. We were also making the mistake of holding him in our lap for time-outs, she said that makes it a power struggle instead of a behavior correction. That it sometimes reinforces the bad behavior because while they may protest while being held, that they may really like that kind of attension especially when it pulls the parent away from another sibling. She did suggest putting them in their rooms breifly, but we have sleep issues so that isn't a set of issues I want to cross. Instead we went with shorter, 15 second timeout where we put them on the couch or chair and stand in such a way that they can't get up. We usually have to do it 2 or 3 times each time because Tyler tests and immediately repeats the negative behavior. But after several weeks, we have seen a huge improvement. It has been a huge trial and error on the behavior modification in my house with this lady. There cerainly is no one size fits all solution.
I know it can be tough. Hang in there. It is a huge adjustment for everyone.
I would try shortening the time for now. Sometimes it is more about YOU being able to win the battle than the severity of the punishment. This is one of the hardest things for me.
At L's age (well, we started a little older) we did TOs in his crib/bed since he stayed in there. And then if we needed to do a timeout outside I would kneel beside him and hold his legs and remind him why he needs to sit if he struggled. It really only took a few times of that for the idea to stick. Now I put a little chair facing the corner of our foyer (which is pretty dark) and he sits just fine. He'll whine/cry and peek around but I either ignore him or remind him why he is there.
TOs work great for Evan - even the threat of one changes his behavior most of the time.