Leaving my bedsharing, all night nursing LO overnight...eep am I nuts?

SnowflakeBride06 · October 2011

DH and I have been invited to a black tie wedding on NYE in Boston. I have known about this for a year and I am dreading it!

My mom has offered to take her for the night. I have stayed over with LO and bedshared with my mom and she knows she still nurses a lot at night. My mom can get her to take a nap just fine and I know she could get her down at bedtime but Isabel has been waking up frequently in the last few weeks and even though the wedding is months away, the thought of her crying her heart out kills me.

She cries if I don't nurse her back to sleep.every.single. time. She won't take DH or rocking or anything else. And in the middle of the night, I am not really game for trying everything in the book except for nursing. Ya know?

So do I just do it and chalk it up to it being one night? Do I try to wean? Do I hope that a couple of months will make a difference?

I need some moral support because I have pretty much talked myself out of going like 10x already!

BalancingJane · October 2011

My DD still night nurses and--if I'm anywhere around--won't go back to sleep without nursing. However, I have left her with my mom overnight a couple of times, and she did fine. I know that her middle of the night feeding is still out of hunger, so I had my mom give her a bottle then, but she didn't have any trouble going back to sleep otherwise.

Hope2Have · October 2011

I'm sure she will be fine! You'll have a blast and even if she has a hard night, she will not remember it...

honkytonk_kid · October 2011

Does your mom respect your wishes? Do you trust her to respond appropriately to LO? If the answer is yes, GO! You will have a blast and LO will have so much fun with grandma. Don't wean just for this if you are not ready.

I think LOs can sense that different situations/people do things differently. ie I absolutely have to nurse LO to sleep, but my mom can rock him, and apparently daycare can lay him in his crib and jiggle the crib for 2.5 seconds and he falls asleep. Again, if you trust your mom- GO!

jsugrin · October 2011

I think that in a few months a lot will change. Also it's amazing how our kids respond so differently for other people. If your mom is close I would do a bit of a trial run to make your feel better. Maybe you could stay over, or mom with you but give DD the impression that you are leaving. Let your mom put her down for the night (maybe go out and hang at a coffee shop or something while she does since you know that part goes ok) and then let your mom sleep with her and handle the night wakings. The hardest part will be giving them a little space to work it out, so you may have to be prepared to listen from the other room as DD cries a little. I would talk with your mom ahead of time and decide what is going to be your limit, I know it's hard but I'd go with 10-15 min to give DD enough time to fully express her anger/confusion/whatever and then decide that she is ok with taking a bottle from your mother. I know you'll sit and stare at the clock but if you rush in, even 5 min, you won't allow your daughter to make that transition from "I'm pissed off that my mama isn't here" to " you are ok Gramma and I'll happily take a bottle from you".

SnowflakeBride06 · October 2011

My mom and I are on the same page and she will do whatever I want her to so that's no problem.

I was thinking of doing a trial run. We live 1h away but my MIL lives in the same town so we could stay there and if it got too harry I could go to my mom's quickly.

Ugh, I don't want to leave her but I know you are right she goes down with a pat on the back at DC. Whereas I HAVE to nurse her if we are home for a nap.

BlindysWife · October 2011

Girlfriend. I feel you.

I posted a few weeks ago about how I committed to going to an overnight football game trip with friends (I would be absent from L for almost 36 hours). When I decided to go, L was a few months old, and I was hopeful that by the time he was 11 months, that he and I would both be ready for it. The trip is in two weeks, and dude... I am still freaking out.

I was ready to back out for sure. After some good advice from the ladies here, and lots of discussion with my husband, I've decided to still go on this overnight trip. I am worried because L still nurses at night, part time bed shares, and, I'm never away from him for more than a few hours at a time. I don't know that my mom entirely knows what she's in store for, but she assures me that she can survive one sleepless night, if that's what ends up happening. Also, I'm still not excited about having to pump while I'm away. Ugh, what a pain.

I am really trying to remind myself that he is going to be in good hands. Even if he is mad that there are no boobies nearby, he will be with someone that loves him to pieces. I want to try to go have some good ol' fashion fun with my friends. Don't get me wrong, I am still majorly nervous, but I think it'll be good for me to go.

Good luck deciding what to do!

JBtheDog20 · October 2011

BalancingJane:
My DD still night nurses and--if I'm anywhere around--won't go back to sleep without nursing. However, I have left her with my mom overnight a couple of times, and she did fine. I know that her middle of the night feeding is still out of hunger, so I had my mom give her a bottle then, but she didn't have any trouble going back to sleep otherwise.

This is the same way for us.

mamabrof · October 2011

I left my bedsharing, nurse all night LO with my in-laws at 4 and a half months, and he totally adjusted to them right away. They got up with him a couple of times/night to feed him. Babies are amazing in their ability to adapt to other people. I think your LO will be fine if she knows you're not there.

Qmommy · October 2011

honkytonk_kid:
Does your mom respect your wishes? Do you trust her to respond appropriately to LO? If the answer is yes, GO! You will have a blast and LO will have so much fun with grandma. Don't wean just for this if you are not ready.
I think LOs can sense that different situations/people do things differently. ie I absolutely have to nurse LO to sleep, but my mom can rock him, and apparently daycare can lay him in his crib and jiggle the crib for 2.5 seconds and he falls asleep. Again, if you trust your mom- GO!

I agree. Though I'm gearing for another labor and delivery and may have to spend a night or two in the hospital. I'm not scared of birthing another child, I'm terrified of leaving my DD over night! I have been the only person to put her to sleep for the night her entire life. I feel terrible that I'm leaving her. But I'm sure she'll be just fine with my MIL watching her while I'm in the hospital. I may ask MIL to spare me the details of the night because I can't bare the thought of DD1 crying since I'm not home. But then again, maybe she'll be just fine and I'm worrying over nothing. :: fingers crossed::

judochick · October 2011

DS was and still is like that. What I found works is if I leave a bottle of breast milk with whoever is watching him they can usually get him back to sleep.

3003girl · October 2011

I recently had to leave LO overnight for a job interview. She was 14 months and it was the first time I left her.

She was with DH, and he said she went to sleep fine. She did wake up a lot and look for me, but went back to sleep every time. He said she didn't even cry, just sort of whimpered a bit when she couldn't find me.

When I am home, she nurses A LOT at night. But she did just fine with him, and even refused the BM he offered her. In fact, she refused to drink any BM the whole time I was gone. (36 hours) And she just picked up nursing right when I got back.

I talked about cutting down nursing before I left, but didn't do it, so I guess it was cold turkey for her.

I got the job and had to go on a 2 day retreat the next month and pretty much the same thing happened, except DH said that she slept for 7 hours without waking up - a first for her!

So in my case, LO was fine and didn't miss a beat. Although DH was tired!

SnowflakeBride06 · October 2011

Thanks ladies, this all really helps!

Mrs_MBed · October 2011

When DD1 was around the age your LO will be, she'd only ever slept with me and still nursed at night. She spent the night with a friend (who she knew very well) and didn't really have any problems. My friend knew our sleeping arrangement just snuggled with her that night and offered her a bottle with some water. Maybe you could pump for her?

I was really nervous about it as well and was really relieved it went so well.

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Leaving my bedsharing, all night nursing LO overnight...eep am I nuts?

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