LO Night Schedule and Others Not Getting It!
gbaby26
member
I posted about this a LONG LONG time ago, but its bothering me again so I need to vent! I am constantly being asked by friends, family, especially my inlaws to come out to dinner either out or at their house. Our LO is religiously in bed by 7- 730, but our routine begins at 6:30ish. Its like clock work and our LO is rubbing her eyes before we even get started because she knows its bedtime. Like noone gets it, they will say oh its just one night that you can stay out late or just come for dinner and leave by 8. WHY SO MY LO CAN BE SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF???
What we have is a good thing and I dont want to jeaopordize her schedule or sleep. Plus I love knowing shes all tucked and bundled in bed and getting a good nights rest. I am totally fine with not having much of a social life, my hubby jokingly calls me a hermit but I dont care.
Re: LO Night Schedule and Others Not Getting It!
My friends keep doing the same thing. I've started saying "No, she goes to bed a (whatever time bedtime routine starts). Why don't we grab lunch one day?"
My mom actually said she was going to stop by quickly at 630, (her bedtime routine starts anywhere from 645-730 depending how tired she is..) And didn't show up until 715. DD had already had her bath, was in her pjs, and I was nursing her to sleep in the bedroom. Luckily it was a night my husband wasn't working. But she apologized, which is a first for her. I think it just takes everyone a while to catch on. But it's definitely frustrating!
I'm a breastfeeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, anti-CIO Mommy
Raising Bean
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Married my hero on 10-11-08
Our bean was born on 05-19-11
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kacelle, how old are you if you dont mind me asking? Your comment makes it seem like you are a young mother, not judging just wanted to know...
This is me too. I understand that a nightly routine is great but I think that you have to have some flexibiltiy. I am not saying keep DD out late every night but once a week or so I don't really see an issue. I think that having too rigid of a schedule can make it harder for kids to learn to be more flexible. FWIW I am 29.
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I'm this way too. LO gets cranky after six, and needs to start bedtime routine by seven. However, I know I need to start being more flexible - like maybe bringing him to a friends and trying to put him to bed there at 7. Then we can package him up and go home at 10. I just assume he won't go down, but I've never actually tried. I agree you want to teach your child to be a little bit flexible, but its hard when they're crying because you've made the choice to play with their bedtime.
I would never take mine out for dinner. The other people in the restaurant did not come there to hear my LO whine and cry. If we want to do that, we get my sister to come watch him. Totally worth it.
My Blog: Naturally Mindful
Haha, I thought the same thing about your post. I'm 21. And just to elaborate on my post, I don't take DD out past her bedtime very often. But now that she's a little older, I'm not stressing out if we're visiting with friends or family and she doesn't make it to bed by 8. She makes up for it by napping really well during the day.
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
Age has nothing to do with it. I am totally like this and I am 38 years old.
Mommy to Rachel 1.15.06 and Ashley 5.17.11
I wish I could take her out past her bedtime! Seriously, I may be able to sneak in an extra few minutes on the weekends, because we don't have to wake her up then to drop her off. But she wants to be asleep by 6:45, and becomes a complete bear at 6:00 until she falls asleep.
When we go out to dinner as a family-we usually go around 5 or 5:30 this way there is some room for her to be happy.
I can't complain much. She loves her sleep and I love having the evenings to myself as well.
We avoided establishing a bedtime routine in part so we would have flexibility. Especially since we knew there would be regular overnight travel. And he falls asleep in his carseat very easily, so it's not like he's being kept up.
We also have people to dinner at our place instead (the in-laws bring takeout), or just take turns going out in the evening.
I'm with you OP. My boys have a very fixed nightly routine. If we stray from it, we have 2 hot messes on our hands.
Last weekend my parents came up and spent the night. My mom thought "it would be okay" if the boys stayed up late since they were visiting. I didn't argue with her because I knew I wasn't going to be dealing with them. Well, they both woke up several times after being put down and woke all throughout the night. She even said "I guess they were too tired and restless." I bet she follows our routine next time
Ditto... I'm 34 and I don't think it's the end of the world to stay out past his bed time. I also think that every baby is different and if it is tough for them to sleep to begin with, I understand not wanting to mess with that.
Our DS was out and about a lot from day 1 because we are the kind of people that like to get out and not stay home a lot. I think that is why it's easy for him to sleep wherever we are now. For example, every Tuesday, I play volleyball from 6:30-8:30. He goes to bed at 7:30pm. So, we give him his bath and take him with us in his pj's. DH feeds him his bottle around 7 at the court and he just falls asleep in his car seat until we leave. We just take him out and put him right in his crib when we get home... no issues.
So anyway.... it has nothing to do with age, but I think it has more to do with how the baby was raised from the beginning and parental preference...no one is wrong or right. As long as you are not bothered by not being able to be out past 6pm, then there's no issue.
For me it has to be worth it. If I want to go out to dinner, I would rather hire a babysitter than deal with a cranky child.
However, this weeked we are going to a "friendsgiving dinner" and will be out later. It happens.
On the weekends, DH and I do date nights by eating after she is in bed and getting yummy take out.
I think it's perfectly okay to tell them to go away. lol You are the parent, you get to make the decisions.
I took heat on this same subject a lot with my DS. With DD, my family now gets it. It might also help that both parents have taken her overnight, so they understand how she gets if she's not in bed by 7:30!
Sanity for me = my babies in bed at a reasonable hour so a) they get a good night's rest and b) I get some alone time.
Oh, FFS. Give me a break.
OP, if having a rested baby makes your life easier, screw everyone else.
Any time after 5:30 pm is still a cranky period for V. That said, there are times when we are not at home for bedtime routine (starts at 7 with a bath, usually asleep by 8:30 - yes, it's a stupid long process). She can fall sleep in a carrier (being worn), car seat, or by being rocked/nursing.
But I find that most old friends still want to have dinner at 8:30 or 9, and with my drive home that means we get home at 10 and 10:30 for bed. Which means the next day is a terrible nap day with very little sleep. For me, it's not worth it.
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I totally kwim. This has happened most frequently with the ILs. It's like, they invite us over for dinner. Fine, that's very nice. But I always say, we'll have to leave by 6 at the latest because that's when DS starts his bedtime routine, and is in bed by 7. Inevitably we're there, and they won't hand over DS when he gets cranky around 6. So we stay longer, with MIL usually bouncing DS or trying to 'deal with your cranky baby' instead of handing him over and allowing us to leave.
Once we get home, it never fails. We have a crappy night's sleep.
Can you tell this happened last night. I'm in a pissy mood now. {yawn}
I will say to hold your ground. It's your life do what makes you happy. What pisses me off is when people want to see DD and want to come over at 7ish. If you purpose is to play with her, come over at a reasonable hr.
Ever heard of the expression a happy wife, a happy life? For me if it means putting DD down at 7 and she stays happy, a happy LO a happy mom!
LO has a routine M-F. Bed at 7 up between 7-8
On the weekends we're always out visiting and the routine is never the same.
Luckily LO doesn't seem to mind. We'll put her down to sleep for the night at friends and family and transport her into her crib when we get home late in the evening. This hasn't been a problem yet.
I'm all about keeping LO on a schedule but not at the expense of having fun with family and friends.
Why can't we all get along? lol I've noticed that God forbid someone has a different idea or don't do something the same way as other moms here some one is always up in arms about it. It seems someone always gets very touchy.
My Blog: Naturally Mindful
Really? This is not "touchy" or me "up in arms."
I think that statement is b.s. So what? Big whoop. We aren't always going to agree on a public message board.
And my point is, that if your friends stop hanging out with you because they don't respect the fact that your child has a bedtime, then they are loser friends to begin with.
Why do you have to use that tone? Why not say that in your opinion that is b.s. and leave it at that. When you drop the f bomb whether typed out or using the acronym it comes off as "up in arms". Why do the friends have to be losers because all of the sudden you have a child with a bedtime and can't/won't hang out.
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Are you talking to me?
And Elisbu, I don't have time to argue with you guys about "tone" on a message board. Hence my "too much" comment. Not one of you seems to be grasping my point, so.....
I'm pretty sure we all get your tone. It's just the suddenly you've turned into the person you used to criticize. You like to have a firm bedtime routine. Others like to be more flexible.
And yes, I agree with PP that once you turn down your friends enough times, they will stop asking. It doesn't make them loser friends, it's the nature of humans. Who likes rejection over and over again, even from a friend with a baby?
This board is like a buffet, take what you want, pass by what you don't like, but don't sit there and criticize. People stare at you like you're crazy when you're telling the carrots they are wrong, simply because you prefer cauliflower.
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Family comes first, and if you have good friends, they'll understand. I'm still trying to figure out how to balance work/family/friends. It's impossible to please everyone, so just worry about what's best for your family and if the rest fits in conveniently, then bonus.
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Huh?
I came in here to encourage the OP that the way she was feeling wasn't crazy. You guys don't understand that, obviously.
And one could argue that Sparklebottom is the one that's bitter. My friends are cool. Some have kids, some don't, but above all we respect each other and we're grown ups. We don't ignore one another because of the kids. That's insane. I'm sorry if any of you have friends like that.
How would my comment mean I'm the bitter one? If anything, I'm saying that statement above is ridiculous, and if you have friends like that, I feel sorry for you.
:headdesk: I'm done with this one, girls. Thanks for the laughs though.
But by turing down request, after request, after request, you are ignoring.
After you going to keep LO #2 awake on Monday to take Lo #1 trick-or- treating?
So sorry that no one understands. You need to do what is best for your family/baby.
Since Abby was 3 mos. old, we started going over family/friends homes again. We take a PNP, her book and jammies with us. I have her classical music downloaded on my iPhone. When it get's to be bedtime (8 pm), we still follow her routine and put her down in the PNP. She falls asleep and when it's time to leave is easily transfered to the carseat and than her crib when we get home. I would never force her to be up past her bedtime (sleep cranky does suck).
This works and helps us maintain a social life past 7 pm. I am a parent, but still a person.
ETA: I'm 40 if that makes a difference. My family and friends have children of various ages and we've been getting together for years and all the kids enjoy the time together just as much as the adults do.
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