Letting Husband Down

MaryEllenTucker · October 2011

I'm so tired and nauseous all the time that my house is a wreck, I hardly ever cook dinner because everything looks disgusting. I feel like I'm letting my husband down by not pulling my weight around the house. He works about 80+ hours a week and I work part time (all be it a lot of part time). How do you get through the day and keep up with everything while not trying to puke all over it at the same time?

skye83 · October 2011

My husband and I actually just had a conversation about this last night. We both work full time but I work a lot of evenings which means I'm home during the day when he and the kids are at school/work. Then he's at home in the evenings with the kids. He mentioned last night that he felt the house work was starting to be a bit one sided. I told him that I would love to help more but it takes me a good couple hours after I wake before I feel like I can move without puking. By that time, It's about time to get ready for work. If it's not, 1 look at the dishes and I'm ready to throw up again. We agreed that he would handle the dishes for now and I would handle the laundry. As for the rest of the housework. We would each pitch in as we're able and just understand that the next couple months the house may take a back seat to some of the other things in our lives right now.

3giraffes · October 2011

I feel you... my DH is being so supportive!

pinkmoonlight · October 2011

I feel this way, but my DH is very understanding. He knows that I am not feeling well. Along with the nausea I have also had severe headaches. He has picked up a lot of slack for my lack of doing housework. He knows though that it will get better and I will feel back to normal soon. So while it is rough for now it will get better.

tbmadeamistake · October 2011

Oh man, this sounds like my house! He's been good about helping with dishes and laundry (I can't deal with carrying the basket up and down the stairs to the basement) and I try to do as many other things as I can. I have found that I clean the bathroom best just after I'm sick in the mornings, it's good motivation, the germs I guess. It will get better!

NayNaysPlayPen · October 2011

Your honey is not being let down. You are pregnant and this feeling wont last forever. Whatever house work you fall back on is his responsibility to help with. Can you imagine if MEN were pregnant? The whining would never end. Your not letting anyone down (and if you were...that would be husband's character flaw not your own). Second tri will be here before you know it and so will the energy and lack of pukiness!

Good luck and dont over do yourself! If your tired, your body needs rest! Not a mop!

BelleIsa · October 2011

mmmyeah. Throw a toddler into the mix and our house is crazy.

DH is pretty understanding though. One night soon after my BFP he went out and got pretty drunk and was feeling pretty gross the next morning. I told him that that's how I felt ALL THE TIME. He looked at me like I was crazy and said, "I'm in awe that you're able to get dressed and go to work. I'll do the rest."

lol!

weezie825 · October 2011

I agree with PP. You are cooking a baby and that is exhausting. Also, starting learning to live with a little more mess will help when the baby come home! DH and I had to redefine our standards/tolerance for messes.

Also, don't be afraid to bring in outside help. (Paid or unpaid.) My mother in law and my mom both helped out with a big deep clean of the house before the baby came home and that was VERY appreciated.

MaryEllenTucker · October 2011

He's being very helpful and supportive I just feel awful because he works so much and then comes home and cleans. Its like it never stops for him. I do what I can when I can. I'm just waiting for it to be over... the sicknss that is.

LoveyFNR · October 2011

My husband and I work the same schedules and we never ever have time on the weekdays to clean or cook. I can eat but I can't really cook without feeling nauseous. DH understands and he usually fends for himself. He usually tries to get me in good spirits and we take a few hours on the weekends to clean the house thoroughly together. A good 4 hours and our apartment is spotless.

He tries to have sympathy for me though and doesn't ask me to do much when I feel sick. He usually does everything himself (except diaper changes, ugh). I know it will only last a few more weeks if that though so I plan on making up for it later.

ImThisBabysMom · October 2011

pinkmoonlight:
I feel this way, but my DH is very understanding. He knows that I am not feeling well. Along with the nausea I have also had severe headaches. He has picked up a lot of slack for my lack of doing housework. He knows though that it will get better and I will feel back to normal soon. So while it is rough for now it will get better.

Basically it started out as this. I feel good again now, but DH still helps out with things and I appreciate it. Don't get me wrong, he has his super annoying I feel like he's a toddler I'm cleaning up after moments, but I appreciate his help.

LoveBug39 · October 2011

I just joined today--and wow this post spoke to me..Thanks for sharing your thoughts cause I am going through the same thing..I dry heave 24 hours a day and have little energy. In my first tri as well. My boyfriend is very understanding but I feel guilty for not doing my part in the house. Nay Nays said it best--your comments really hit home and made me feel better about the situation...Hopefully when we get in our 2nd tri the energy will come back and nausea will subside..fingers crossed. Until then don't be so hard on yourself and I will do the same! I figure this comes along once in a lifetime for some of us and it's not like we are lazy--there is a lot going on in our bodies! So hang in there and be good to yourself..

TerraCotta210 · October 2011

I know how you feel. Luckily, before TTC, DH and I had this very conversation. I was sick throughout my entire pregnancy with DS and it was often difficult to pick my head up, let alone do chores. This time, before deciding to give baby #2 a go, I talked with DS about how if I was very sick again that I may not be able to pull my fair share of the housework and (unfortunately) may need him to pick up my slack. He was so very understanding and said, "Absolutely. If I had the flu I'm sure you wouldn't still make me bring out the trash, right?"

He's been great and I count my blessings daily that he has been so understanding.

Pdxmom73 · October 2011

I feel bad too but duh has been awesome! We both work full time. We have 2 boys. I feel worse I'm the evening so he has been making dinner, helping with homework and then I do bedtime. It's working for us right now. I know he is wiped out at the end of the day but so am I. We have always been a team with most house chores so he has just had to cover some of mine.

cchill01 · October 2011

BelleIsa:

mmmyeah. Throw a toddler into the mix and our house is crazy.

This. We both work full time. I try to cook - but recently we've been doing a lot of quickie meals - grilled cheese, soup, take-out. I'm so tired after DD's bed time routine, I just want to go straight to bed.

Thank goodness we have a cleaning person every other week, or else our house would be a total disaster.

I feel the guilt too. And I know he's sad that I never want to hang out in the evenings, but it's so hard.

hewinked · October 2011

I don't. When I feel the sickest, I do only what needs to be done to make sure DD is taken care of. DH doesn't say anything cuz he is pretty laid back. He doesn't like picking up the slack, but that's an ongoing battle whether I'm pregnant or not. When I have days or hours that I feel well, I take that opportunity to catch up on clutter and do the deep cleaning. You do what you can. Pregnancy is really rough in the beginning when you're sick and so tired. Men don't get that and I have to remind my DH often.

happilyever888 · October 2011

MaryEllenTucker:
He's being very helpful and supportive I just feel awful because he works so much and then comes home and cleans. Its like it never stops for him. I do what I can when I can. I'm just waiting for it to be over... the sicknss that is.

This is exactly my story. And I don't care.

canthardlywait426 · October 2011

MaryEllenTucker:
He's being very helpful and supportive I just feel awful because he works so much and then comes home and cleans. Its like it never stops for him. I do what I can when I can. I'm just waiting for it to be over... the sicknss that is.

You might be waiting a while, and he needs to understand that cleaning is not high on your priority list right now. I was sick until 28 weeks and some days I did absolutely nothing. I did things when I could, and that was good enough for me. Hopefully your DH will understand that while it may not look like it, you're doing a LOT of work just by existing right now.

MaryEllenTucker · October 2011

Dont get me wrong he's a big help with everything but like I said he works so hard that I feel bad when he comes home and cleans, cooks, laundry, ect. And even though he works a ton of hours doesnt mean we make enough for a made so we're doing what we can to work together. I just feel guilty. Thanks for all the advice and helpful tips!

Traveria · October 2011

I felt so sick and tired (down right drugged) my first trimester and working 12 hours shifts full time from 1p to 1a on my feet didn't help. Luckily I have a great support system. I swallowed my pride and asked my mom if she'd come help me completely scrub the house down. She has basically done this once each trimester and has lifted a tremendous burden off my shoulders because it made the day-to-day up keep that much easier. Communicate with your hubby so he knows what is going on. If your hubby is not able to help, then maybe there is someone else you can ask. As for dinner, keep it simple for now! At least for me, when the second semester came, I felt a lot better and could resume just about everything as normal. So don't feel guilty, what you're going through is temporary

jnitsuga · October 2011

My dh was supportive while I was pregnant and while he was home for 3 weeks after I gave birth... but when he came back from military training (3mos later) and saw that I was recovered from my c-section, he got on my butt for every little speck of dust he found around the house. I put the house work on the back burner because I was recovering from my c-section, I ebf, and I was the only adult in the house with newborn and a 5 year old. I had no help so it was really upsetting when dh would say things like "what do you do all day?"

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