extended nursers - night weaning?

KellyMRocks · October 2011

I am so cool with 1 or 2 wake ups at night, but now we are waking every 45 minutes, or just sleeping with boob in mouth. Lately she is nursing to sleep, turning away from me then waking just a few minutes later, squeeeeling. I'm not sure what is going on, may be something diet related? or teething? I am trying to balance knowing that she needs comfort with my own needs (the need to not feel like I am going to jump out of my skin after nursing in bed for 3 hours).

So if you nursed past the 18 month mark, at night, tell me about your weaning process.

I want to "cut her off" from 12am to 7am, but so far am met with not just tears but screaaaaaaaming and anger (just like last time). Did you ever hit a "sweet spot" where you were able to night wean with little protest? or did you just comfort the screaming and hope for the best?

Thanks in advance, I know I am a broken record.

kittylove · October 2011

When we night weaned Riley he was 2+ yrs and so he understood what we were doing a little more than Winter might. We talked for a few days about how DH would be getting him in the middle of the night if he woke, and there would be no nursing. I don't think it made it any easier though, he still cried a lot. Dh would go in and reassure him that he was fine but everyone those few fist nights cried a lot. One good advice I got from a Dr and our LC was if we wanted to night wean then we should do all feedings after bedtime. They both agreed that to an child anything after bedtime = nighttime and that the clock didn't matter to them. I know how hard this is on you, and I feel your pain on wanting to crawl out of your skin after nursing for hours. I have no idea if what worked for us will work for you, but you aren't alone in it taking a few tries. We tried to night wean at 10 months then 1.5yr and then at 2yr 2m we finally did it. I don't know what led to us finally being successful except that maybe I was finally done and over the night nursing. ((((HUGS)))) I know how hard this is for you and you don't sound like a broken record.

mrscerruti2be · October 2011

Both of my kids became better sleepers when I night weaned. What worked for us may not work for you due to your hubby's schedule, but maybe you can have your housemates help? My dh would basically take over rocking and comforting them back to sleep. It actually went well both times. Only a couple of nights of wakeups and then they adjusted. I am sorry you are having to get up so much. I've been there and it sucks.

lmvierra · October 2011

We started night weaning somewhere between 18-20 months, and it worked but it wasn't super easy. We bedshare, and it made it difficult to wean since he could smell me all the time, so we moved him into a toddler bed in our room. When he would start to fuss I would just lay there quietly for a little bit. Sometimes he calmed himself down.... The times he didn't I would tell him that it wasn't time for milk yet, and offer him a sippy cup of water and patted his back until he fell back asleep (this only worked when I made him stay in his bed). After a couple weeks he was staying in his bed without me having to help him until 5am (the time we decided it was okay for him to crawl in with us and nurse). Of course, once the baby was born I caved a little bit and nursed him at night because I was feeling guilty, and now I've created a monster. We have to start it over again and he's so much louder now.... I think we're going to put him in his own room this time so he doesn't wake K. Good luck! And once you start the process, don't cave or it will take longer and be harder :-(

KellyMRocks · October 2011

mrscerruti2be:
Both of my kids became better sleepers when I night weaned. What worked for us may not work for you due to your hubby's schedule, but maybe you can have your housemates help? My dh would basically take over rocking and comforting them back to sleep. It actually went well both times. Only a couple of nights of wakeups and then they adjusted. I am sorry you are having to get up so much. I've been there and it sucks.

He does get back Saturday (thank god!) and I told him that we are night weaning, even if means he has to hold a screaming baby for 6 hours. We are still co-sleeping, so I am not "getting up...but yeah, it still sucks hardcore. Thanks for your input!

KellyMRocks · October 2011

lmvierra:
We started night weaning somewhere between 18-20 months, and it worked but it wasn't super easy. We bedshare, and it made it difficult to wean since he could smell me all the time, so we moved him into a toddler bed in our room. When he would start to fuss I would just lay there quietly for a little bit. Sometimes he calmed himself down.... The times he didn't I would tell him that it wasn't time for milk yet, and offer him a sippy cup of water and patted his back until he fell back asleep (this only worked when I made him stay in his bed). After a couple weeks he was staying in his bed without me having to help him until 5am (the time we decided it was okay for him to crawl in with us and nurse). Of course, once the baby was born I caved a little bit and nursed him at night because I was feeling guilty, and now I've created a monster. We have to start it over again and he's so much louder now.... I think we're going to put him in his own room this time so he doesn't wake K. Good luck! And once you start the process, don't cave or it will take longer and be harder :-(

I have wondered if putting in her own room/bed would help. She still wakes up when I am not in bed with her, but I am sure my whole bed smells like me :

Ang&Garrett · October 2011

I nursed both boys till about 20 months when they both self weaned. Gavin never liked to cosleep and we didn't have the night issues. Garrison would still sleep in my bed every night if he could. The only way I was able to night wean was to put him in his own crib. It was totally comfort nursing like you are talking about and I was tired and needed to sleep better than I could with him wanting to nurse all night. If her own bed is not something you want to do. Maybe try comforting her without nursing. I used to tell Garrison "boo boos are sleeping they are tired, you need to sleep too." He totally understood that. Good luck it's hard!

love22 · October 2011

Night weaning can be hard. I also recommend having your DH put her to bed. It made it so much easier for us. Also, since you bed share I would try sleeping with your back to her and have DH comfort her if she wakes at night. What really helped us was that M took a pacifier. It sounds like Winter is comfort sucking. If you don't use one now you could introduce that or some other transitional sleep object to help her self soothe without nursing.

alibee09 · October 2011

I had to get K in her own bed in order to night wean, and that involved some long nights of B being up with her, because being near me made her want to nurse. I'm wondering how it's going to go with M when we get there, too, because he's still reverse cycling so night weaning will be entirely different in his world.

futrkingsley · October 2011

I'm sorry Kelly. Being even partially awake for most of the night is exhausting. We tried to limit night nursing a few times without success at various points. The thing is DH is not good about holding fast in the face of tears and very loud disapproval from DS. He just is not. Especially at night. DH's answer to DS's cries was always me. I did not want to physically keep DS from nursing while he cried. It would have been really detrimental to our relationship given that we were already apart for most of the day while I worked. He needed me and it sucked.

It did eventually get better without painful intervention from me. He eventually started sleeping more soundly and longer and not needing or wanting to nurse every time he woke up. I'd say that it probably coincided with dropping his nap and having all his teeth. Since then his sleep is more regular in general.

Good luck K.

KellyMRocks · October 2011

love22:
Night weaning can be hard. I also recommend having your DH put her to bed. It made it so much easier for us. Also, since you bed share I would try sleeping with your back to her and have DH comfort her if she wakes at night. What really helped us was that M took a pacifier. It sounds like Winter is comfort sucking. If you don't use one now you could introduce that or some other transitional sleep object to help her self soothe without nursing.

I have definitely tried a pacifier. She throws it, screams, and looks at me like, "What the f*ck kinda sh*t you trying to pull here!?"

Unfortunately, although DH gets home saturday, he is gone each weekend this month and then leaves for three weeks after T-giving. So I feel like I kind if need to handle this on my own as much as I can.

green*eyes · October 2011

It was right around 19 months that E finally night weaned. Basically I decided I HAD to do something to save my health and sanity and I was ready to put in the effort. It was definitely hard for a few nights. My mom visited and she took over for one or two of those nights when there was no more I could do and being with me was making it worse. What I did was start placing him on my chest instead of nursing him (with several layers of clothes/blankets between us). I'd also rock in the glider when that didn't work. I played a music and lights machine. Anything to get him to go to sleep. The key is just holding that boundary that milk is for when the sun comes up. I would even say "night-night milk!" after the last feeding of the day. Honestly you will probably have to deal with some screaming and crying, but in our case it was short-lived (and someone was always with him, we never left him to cry alone). I want to say he cried up to 45 minutes, maybe an hour for the first two nights. But he got into the new routine in less than a week. There was occasional regression when he was sick and I let him nurse at night again, and then we had to go through it again but it was much quicker. Eventually he knew to expect to get right on my chest if he woke up in the night (which he still did, but much less often) rather than nurse.

altreu · October 2011

Thank you for posting this question. While O only gets up a few times at night, I am exhausted. I've been daydreaming of night weaning, but have no idea how to do it. DH works nights, so he's gone about 90% of the time when O wakes up. So it would be pretty much just me doing the weaning...

Celyn · October 2011

Removing mommy from the family bed is the only thing that worked for us, but I didn't aim for all or nothing at first. We weaned one nursing session at a time, waiting several weeks before dropping the next one. You could pick a time, say 2am, and DH takes that shift and rocks and cuddles or gives her water or whatever it takes to calm her that isn't boob.

KellyMRocks · October 2011

Celyn:
Removing mommy from the family bed is the only thing that worked for us, but I didn't aim for all or nothing at first. We weaned one nursing session at a time, waiting several weeks before dropping the next one. You could pick a time, say 2am, and DH takes that shift and rocks and cuddles or gives her water or whatever it takes to calm her that isn't boob.

if I could pin it down to "sessions" that would be great. But mostly from 1am to 6am, it is constant.

futrkingsley · October 2011

I thought more about this Kelly and I have questions. This frequency is a recent change after a period of less frequent nursing, right? Any chance it coincides with your period? At about that age, C would need to nurse more often as my milk supply dipped at the latter half of my cycle. And for a while there nursing in the week before my period made me batty, especially at night. If it does coincide and is related to less milk production, you might be able to either try to feed her a bit more during the day to help her feel more full at night, or take supplements to boost your supply around your period or maybe just knowing what it was and how long it would last might help?

KellyMRocks · October 2011

futrkingsley:
I thought more about this Kelly and I have questions. This frequency is a recent change after a period of less frequent nursing, right? Any chance it coincides with your period? At about that age, C would need to nurse more often as my milk supply dipped at the latter half of my cycle. And for a while there nursing in the week before my period made me batty, especially at night. If it does coincide and is related to less milk production, you might be able to either try to feed her a bit more during the day to help her feel more full at night, or take supplements to boost your supply around your period or maybe just knowing what it was and how long it would last might help?

Well, it is worse lately than it had been...but it's always been pretty bad. I dont have a period on Mirena, but it could be ovulation? She eats SO much during the day. I really dont know how she could be hungry at night.

mrscerruti2be · October 2011

I also wanted to apologize since I didn't read it right the first time.

I didn't stop at 18 months, stopped at 15 months with B. I hope you figure it out so you both get some much needed rest soon.

lmvierra · October 2011

KellyMRocks:

I have wondered if putting in her own room/bed would help. She still wakes up when I am not in bed with her, but I am sure my whole bed smells like me :

T still woke up in his own bed for awhile, but I was able to pacify him other ways, whereas when he was in my bed he would work himself into a meltdown and there was no helping anything. Also, for a while I allowed one middle of the night nursing (usually around 1 or 2) but I would sit on his bed and nurse him, then lay him back down, rather than bringing him to my bed. Like Winter, he didn't have any nursing sessions but wanted to pretty much sleep with the boob in his mouth, so I just picked an arbitrary time and it seemed to work...

Oh, and for what it's worth, I didn't involve DH in the night weaning process more than telling him to let me handle it alone (he is really grumpy when he is woken up and his being upset would just make things worse) so it is possible if you need to do it yourself...

love22 · October 2011

KellyMRocks:
love22:
Night weaning can be hard. I also recommend having your DH put her to bed. It made it so much easier for us. Also, since you bed share I would try sleeping with your back to her and have DH comfort her if she wakes at night. What really helped us was that M took a pacifier. It sounds like Winter is comfort sucking. If you don't use one now you could introduce that or some other transitional sleep object to help her self soothe without nursing.
I have definitely tried a pacifier. She throws it, screams, and looks at me like, "What the f*ck kinda sh*t you trying to pull here!?"
Unfortunately, although DH gets home saturday, he is gone each weekend this month and then leaves for three weeks after T-giving. So I feel like I kind if need to handle this on my own as much as I can.

Ahh, I remember thinking that is what M was thinking. It is hard with your DH being gone. M would do that if I tried to use the pacifier. I think consistency is the most important part at least it was for M. I hope you find some things that work so both you and Winter can get some good solid sleep.

KellyMRocks · October 2011

Tried last night. Neither of us are ready. She still has 8 teeth that aren't all the way in. I don't usually like to re-dose her medicine but last night I did out of desperation, just to see if it would help. It did. So I think that is the issue.

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