Drifting from DH

healthynut · October 2011

Do you ever have a period of time when you and DH are leading separtate lives and not spending time being interested in each other's? We have good things going on in life, but are just not connecting right now. I want to make it better, but kind of don't care to right now. It's weird. I'm sure it'll pass. Anyone ever have a similar experience?

kdidit · October 2011

I know what you mean. Sometimes H and I have a good week or 2 that we kind of drift away from each other and do our own thing. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing though. Everybody needs a little space sometimes. And when we do "reconnect" it's better than ever and we really appreciate each other. I think it's pretty normal.

rab41380 · October 2011

Not sure if it is the same that you are going through. Some weeks I just do my own thing with the kids and my mommy friends...by the weekend though we try to reconnect. I dont see DH much since he works until midnight and then in the morning I run errands and gym time before he has to be back at work. No matter what though we plan monthly date nights and Sunday is always family day. Having a set family day, even if it is home just cleaning keeps us together better. I know we all go through those ruts...I am sure it will get better sometimes just gotta plan some good old family time...

laney75 · October 2011

Yes I know what you mean. We are sort of like that. Everything in our life is good and I am happy with my individual pursuits as well as the things we all do together. But I think our relationship could use a little more attention. That may be a bit different than what you are speaking of.

In general I think marriages have ebbs and flows.

Hope2Have · October 2011

Lol... as I read that, I'm laying on the couch with the laptop b/c dh was being a jerk when I was in bed talking, so I left.

/ Anyways, we're def not the "connected" couple like some of my friends are. We tend to normally do our own thing, meet back at night kinda couple. For us it works

healthynut · October 2011

laney75:

Yes I know what you mean. We are sort of like that. Everything in our life is good and I am happy with my individual pursuits as well as the things we all do together. But I think our relationship could use a little more attention. That may be a bit different than what you are speaking of.

In general I think marriages have ebbs and flows.

Exactly what I'm speaking of.

laney75 · October 2011

healthynut:
laney75:

Yes I know what you mean. We are sort of like that. Everything in our life is good and I am happy with my individual pursuits as well as the things we all do together. But I think our relationship could use a little more attention. That may be a bit different than what you are speaking of.

In general I think marriages have ebbs and flows.

Exactly what I'm speaking of.

Honestly I'm not thrilled with where our marriage is at right now but I am attributing it to an "ebb" and also know that we both need to actively work on some things. One thing is that we finally have a couple babysitters we can use and I plan to book them a couple times a month for date time. Other than that... I dunno.

rgtsmom01 · October 2011

Raising kids really takes over your life. We have decided to make it a point to start date night again every other Friday night, we go to church as a family every Sunday morning and every Monday night we sit down and just talk(of course after the kids are in bed)

We started making these things routine and we have gotten so close again, it's been great for us. Good luck!

tinydancingqueen · October 2011

DH and I went to counseling because of too many nights where we weren't connecting on any level. We were living like roommates instead of husband and wife. Because part of it was that we were on different schedules, one of her suggestions was to put time aside every day to spend at least 30 minutes reconnecting - whether it be a walk around the block together holding hands, enjoying a late night dessert together and talking about the day, or just sitting on the couch for 30 minutes with no distractions to talk (TV off, no magazines or books or laptops or phones to distract your attention from the other person). It's made a big difference in our relationship, and even though we're still on different schedules and have different interests and priorities during the day, were not drifting away from each other like before.

MsUnorganized · October 2011

DH and I got like this a little after our twins were born. When we sat down to dinner together, I felt like we didn't have anything to talk about. It was sad. We weren't fighting or anything; it was just like our friendship got lost.

Since then we've set up weekly date nights. Every Tuesday we have a babysitter, and we go out. Even if we just grab fast food, it's just the two of us. And it gives us time to talk and reconnect. It's been the best thing ever for our relationship.

healthynut · October 2011

Thank you ladies. It's comforting to know that you know where we are and that other marriages go through this too.

LDQAM516 · October 2011

I notice we go in phases...but the "off" time is not bad. We just go through little spats where we get annoyed with each other really easily or where everything he does gets under my skin...Iam sure pregnancy doesn't help.

ENI36 · October 2011

laney75:
Yes I know what you mean. We are sort of like that. Everything in our life is good and I am happy with my individual pursuits as well as the things we all do together. But I think our relationship could use a little more attention. That may be a bit different than what you are speaking of.
In general I think marriages have ebbs and flows.

I agree with this. I think especially during this time when we have young children, it is natural to feel further apart from each other. So much attention needs to be given to the kids. Obviously, you need to make time for each other though. I am hoping that as the kids get a little older we can add a little more romance back to our relationship like we used to have. I feel bad though because DH tries a lot harder then I do. He doesn't feel the stress and tiredness as much as I do. We are constantly communicating our feelings about all this though. I think communication is key.

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