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Sibling Questions
My boys are right at two years apart. William is about to turn 3. Previously, he has been pretty good with his brother, Ryan. He gets irritated sometimes but for the most part, I think he has adjusted well and been a great big brother.
How do you deal with phases where the older sibling seems really irritated/unhappy with the younger one? Just power through it and know that this too shall pass? He already gets tons of praise for being sweet, to the point where I think he milks it. We were Skype-ing with my mom yesterday, and he would hug Ryan just because he knew everyone would tell him he was a good big brother. Little manipulator!
He really is a sweet kid, and in public, he acts like he just loooooves his brother. But when we are home, he seems pretty sick of him. (To be fair, Ryan is into everything - he is tough to chase after and keep up with.)
Any insight?
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Re: Sibling Questions
We have also had a pretty easy time, but the other day my almost-five-year-old said, "Mom, you only go to brother. You don't come to me." He was pretty serious about these feelings - he teared up - so we're making an adjustment.
I think sharing Mom has started to be more difficult as his brother ages and becomes less of a baby. I think that change in the little one is making the older feel some encroachment.
Since this happened, I have made special time that is away from little brother. I don't want big brother to learn to play the sympathy card by setting up a routine where he says something or acts jealous, and then we fawn over him. I also don't want him to taunt his brother or to actively compete for attention.
We are setting expectations about how to treat brother separate from addressing this need for connection. It seems to be working.
I stopped nursing the younger one at bedtime, and now I put my older one to bed. We just read and then sit and talk about the pictures and concepts before bed. This seems to satisfy his need to connect with me, and offers him time to express himself.
He's almost 5, so his reasoning skills are a little better than when he was 3. It is easier for me to talk to him about feelings and things; so we have less of a challenge there.
Best of luck. I'll tell you, 3 was the toughest age for our eldest. It was really challenging to be 3. So much going on, but so little ability to express it clearly - just like a raw emotion machine sometimes.