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Why do I torture myself

ruthymusneyruthymusney member
in Late Term and Child Loss
By going to the natural birth board and reading their posts. I just watched a home birth video and cried my eyes out because she got to hold her alive baby. I miss my kyndal so bad. Why does this happen to any of us? ((hugs all around))
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Re: Why do I torture myself

  • illinigalillinigal member

    Huge hugs.  I'm so sorry.  Please don't torture yourself anymore.

    TTC #1 since October 2008. Dealing with MFI.
    IVF #1 w ICSI in July 2010 = BFN
    IVF #2.1 in Oct 2010 converted to IUI = BFN
    IVF #2.2 w ICSI in Dec 2010 = BFN
    Met with new RE in new city on 1/31/11.
    IVF #3 w ICSI in April 2011. HPT on 5/9 = BFP!
    Beta #1 on 5/10 (10dp5dt) = 99.4. Beta #2 on 5/12 = 284. First u/s on 5/26. = Fraternal TWINS!
    Twin boys born & lost on 8/16/11 at 18w1d due to PPROM & preterm labor.
    IVF #4.1 in Jan 2012 converted to IUI on 1/7/12 = BFN
    IVF #4.2 w ICSI in Feb 2012. Lupron on 2/10. Stims on 2/18. ER on 2/29- 7R,6F
    ET scheduled for 3/5/12- nothing to transfer :(
    Dh seeing new MFI uro & Dh starting meds- June 2012.
    IVF #5 in Dec 2012 = BFFN.
    IVF #6 planned for Spring 2013. Praying for our take home baby/ies.
    **P/SAIF and P/SAL always welcome!**

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  • magdalina.hmagdalina.h member
    I always went over to the 3rd tri board and the preemie board. It was pure self torture
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  • mrsmacias2008mrsmacias2008 member

    I don't know sweetie...hugs to you.

    The first few weeks I would do the same, watching things like baby story and just sit there and look at her pictures and wonder why. We all cope in our own way, but that wasn't good for me to keep doing. I had to stop because the grief was already so great and this was just making it worse. I am so sorry.

    MY FOUR ANGELS... M/C 12/26/02 AT 4 WEEKS M/C 12/31/07 AT 12 WEEKS, D & C M/C 12/5/08 AT 9 WEEKS, D & C ***BFP ON 3/26/09*** MARY REYNA BORN AND PASSED AWAY JULY 31ST, 2009 AT 23 WEEKS. GOODBYE SWEET BABY...I WILL MISS YOU FOREVER. ***AFTER 17 WEEKS ON BEDREST*** Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • johnnys junejohnnys june member
    *hugs*  I think at some point we all do this! 
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  • roxyttandmeroxyttandme member

    I am sure we have all done something similar at some point in time. It doesn't help any of us.... but, I do think it is apart of the process in some brutal way. 

     (((hugs))) 

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  • pb127pb127 member
    I've also done this. I have to show a lot of willpower not to torture myself with those boards. ((hugs))
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