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do you feel "more" responsible for your LO or like others see you that way?

KathrynMDKathrynMD member
in Maryland Babies

Backstory - as I've posted here and on FB before, DD is in the throes of terrible two/awful 3's.  She's happy and pleasant about 85% of the time, picky and opinionated about 10% of the time and miserable, mean and rude about 5% of the time.  All pretty typical - even if the bad behavior is hard to tolerate.  She tells me I'm a bad mommy, you're not my friend, etc.  Well, she pulled a little of it last week on my MIL and then on Friday, she was pretty awful to my mom while we were out together.  She didn't hit anyone, but she said mean, rude things to them.  I ignore this behavior and try to talk to her about it afterward (and she normally apologizes for it too) but I really feel like my mom thinks I'm doing something wrong or I'm not handling this correctly or something.  Which I guess is fine, if she wants to make a suggestion, I'm open to it, but instead she just sighs.  I was complaining to DH about this, b/c DD refused to talk to his mom on the phone this weekend and said I feel like everybody thinks I'm handling this wrong and is judging me, etc. and he was like - no, they know how hard it is to be a parent, they aren't judging us, etc., etc.  And, I agree, I don't think they are judging DH - but I do feel like at least w/ my mother and MIL, they think of me as the primary model/caretaker for DD and if something is not right, its mostly my fault.  DH isn't uninvolved, but I think they definitely look to me as the responsible party.

Also - any tips for dealing w/ DD miserable behavior are welcomed!

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Re: do you feel "more" responsible for your LO or like others see you that way?

  • had720had720
    I am not at the stage of terrible twos and threes, but I understand how you feel. I would feel responsible too. We do take on more of the parenting duties than our spouses do for the most part, I think it is because of our bond with them (carrying them for 9 months). Also, we are more aware and have expectations when they are with us and expect the same when they are around other people, but that is not always the case. I don't think family is judging us, but I do think they question whether we have set expectations of our children due to one moment when the child is misbehaving or disrespectful. I think it just goes back to the child and their understanding that it is "all about them" and no one else. Once they realize that then they will see everyone as the same and treat them as such. As for adults, th opinions of family will always come but don't let that doubt your parenting.
    Hope (32), James (36), Sophee (1 year old), McKenzee (7 weeks) CafeMom Tickers CafeMom Tickers
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  • laurannelauranne member
    3 is SO stinking hard.  I have cried many times over things Aiden has said and done. Don't take it personally.  I think we all do because we're good moms.  It's nothing you're doing or not doing.  Continue to be consistent and patient and it will eventually click.  Eventually!
    Laura & Jim ~ July 10, 2004
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    miscarriage on 11/26/09 at 5w6d
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  • katwriter1969katwriter1969

    Weirdly enough, I remember being two to three years old. I often told my mother that I hated her. She often replied...but I love you. So please don't feel like you're in this alone. Many kids this age are kinda jerks, but only because they know you've got their back.

    Let it go. Let the others judge. You're doing the best that you can. If they can't see that, they're stupid or have blinders on. Being a mom is hard any day of the week, but especially with toddlers. 

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