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DS doesn't play with anyone at preschool :(

onetwofreeonetwofree member
in Pre-School and Daycare

DS is a very shy kid and still has a great deal of stranger and group anxiety.  He's never done well in playgroup or any type of group setting/family gatherings, etc.  He's in preschool for the first time this year.  We put him in the 3 yo class even though he would be the youngest since we've noticed that he does better with older kids as opposed to younger kids.

Whenever I drop him off, I noticed all the other kids playing together and talking to one another about their weekend and DS just stands there a few feet away.  He was a little bit of a late talker and I think he has a hard time following the other kids conversations.  He does speak in full sentences, but when we try to initiate conversations with him, we can tell he sometimes is struggling to express himself. 

So I guess all of this combined puts him kind of far behind, socially, compared to the other kids.  I did ask the teacher about how he's doing.  She said that he doesn't talk much in class, except for one time when he asked for a chocolate cupcake instead of a vanilla one.  And she said he still engages mostly in parallel play. 

She's very experienced and thinks he's doing fine.  Our first hurdle was the separation anxiety, which he got over after only 3 classes.  She says he does keep himself busy the entire time, so he's not just standing around doing nothing.  He finds things to do and play with...he just doesn't do it with other kids.  I know I'm just being a paranoid mom, but it makes me sad that he still doesn't feel comfortable enough to talk to or play with the other kids.  (He is completely different when he's at home or in an environment he's comfortable in.)

Anyone else's very shy LO take a while to make friends?  Other parents tell me that their LO talks about my DS at home all the time.  But when I mention those kids names to DS, he looks at me as if he doesn't know what I'm talking about.

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Re: DS doesn't play with anyone at preschool :(

  • jlw2505jlw2505 member
    Playing next to kids vs with them is still very normal at this age.  My older DD is 5 and in PreK and her teachers have told that kids start to play together around age 4 or 5 as the norm.  SOme do it sooner and some later.  My DD has a speech delay and ADHD - both of which make social situations much harder and she is very much a late child in this regard.  She is very social but struggles when the other kids don't understand her.  She has friends at school but I would not say she has a BFF or anything like that.  She has formed bonds with 1 or 2 kids in class but she still at age 5, plays by herself a lot but she is happy and she is learning and the longer she is around the kids, the more she interacts with them.  If you are able, find out if there is a child or two that your child seems to have the same interest in and try and set up a play date outside of school.  Making a connection when their are less kids could be a huge help.
    Jenni Mom to DD#1 - 6-16-06 DD#2 - 3-13-08 
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  • Mrs MannersMrs Manners member
    Ds had a speech delay and being around other kids has helped him SO MUCH. My ds is also very into parallel play...as are most of the kids in his classroom. Ds didn't talk much when he first started daycare either but now he talks up a storm. I honestly think he spent a lot of time listening and learning from the other kids since he'd never really been exposed to them much before (he stayed at our house with a nanny until he was almost 3). I have noticed that he seems to connect more to the kids that we've done things with outside of school (ie. go to the playground on the weekend or go over to their house).
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  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member

    This is really not a big deal.  DD has been in daycare since she was 4 months old (mostly w/ the same kids) and some days she walks into school and doesn't say a word to anybody, but I will see her friends moving over to her, but none of them say anything and they all look like "WTF is going on?" 

    Other days she runs in and someone immediately comes up to her with a book or shows off their shoes. 

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  • ridesbuttonsridesbuttons member

    Both my kids are shy, both were speech delayed too.  I have lived this.

    It's ok.  It is ok to be shy.  Not every kid is the 'look at me' kind of kid.  I've been at the playground, swimming pool, park, whatever more times than I can count when some other kid has yelled out "HI ridesbuttonskid!" and my kid's response is a blank stare.

    It is hard to watch, but if otherwise the development looks typical, then let your kid be who he is.  You know, encourage frienships and put him in positions where he can succeed in that, but don't try and force it.

    promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
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  • JennDave+1JennDave+1
    This all sounds perfectly normal to me. I participate in my sons class (which is the three year old class) not many of the kids play together yet. They are starting to interact with each other more. I really have not seen any of them carry on a conversation about there weekend. And only 3 days to get adjusted that is great! We have one little one that is still crying hysterically after her mom leaves and we are almost 2 months in and by no means do I think anything is wrong with her. I wouldn't worry about it. As long has he is happy that is all that matters.
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