Getting DH on board...

Happily Overwhelmed · October 2011

This is a bit of a spin off from a post on the December 2011 board...

Anyways. DH supports my decision to breastfeed. He's actually excited about all the benefits. However, that's where it ends.

I know it's my job to breastfeed but would like some more in house support about it all. I've heard lots of stories about how stressful breastfeeding can be at first and can only picture myself in tears and DH being lost and me getting more aggrivated. No, I don't expect him to be a lifesaver in this situation. But, would like a little more support when it comes to family and such. Both his mom and my mom didn't breastfeed. None of my close circle of friends have experience with this. My mom is already preaching I should pump so everyone has a turn feeding LO. I feel like I'm alone out at sea when it comes to exclusively breast feeding and feel like it's going to be more of a "selfish fight" than what I wish it would be.

I've already stood on my soap box and told DH I don't want a massive amount of visiting time at the hospital. I want alone time with staff to try and get a good idea of what I'm doing. He moreless brushed it off as I don't want his parents to visit and I'm already hogging LO. Ugh!

So....those of you with supportive husbands, how did you do it? If you took a BF class did you husband join you? Did that help? Did you forever find you were explaining yourself to visitors and forcing them out?

Fisherman'sWife · October 2011

Just take it one day at a time. We didn't take any classes or anything but we agreed BFing is best and he would support me. The first two weeks were terrible and I think my husband was torn between seeing me in so much pain and sticking to what we agreed. It is just so hard to know what you will need or go through. All I can say is try to have an agreement between you two.

Kougl Wife to Be! · October 2011

You are right dear about going everyone on the same page. I have an email that I have sent a few close friends about BF'ing and I will send it to your PM box! Hopefully it helps and gives you some ideas on what to expect and how to deal with some of that. One more day at a time is very true!

madhatter2003 · October 2011

I'd definitely have your DH go to a bfing class with you, he can help support you if he knows the facts rather than going on emotions at the time if you are in pain, etc.

meltoine · October 2011

DH was very supportive of BF from the start. We took a class together with my aunt, who is an IBCLC. It gave him a good idea of what he could do to help and he was amazing the first few weeks when I needed him.

I didn't have a problem with visitors. From the start I took the view that my baby and I are most important right now and we will do what we have to. If you don't want to watch me learn to BF, you can leave. I had no problem with people being there though.

cessa · October 2011

I did have DH go with me to the breastfeeding classes, and when it came time to start Bfing he was very helpful and remembered the techniques that they talked about in the class. I would suggest having your DH go with you.

I also did not want a lot of visitors in the hospital as I was not one who wanted MIL and SIL and FIL and whoever else watching me with my boob hanging out while I was still trying to figure it all out. Plus, I wanted to enjoy family time with just my new family, so I totally understand that. Ask DH if he would want your parents and friends in the room watching while he had his P**** out trying to learn to aim. Maybe that will make him understand where you're coming from!

Also, my MIL was forever in my ear telling me that I needed to give DS a bottle from day one. I just ignored her. I actually had to get firm with her once, when DS was just a couple days old actually, and tell her that it didn't matter how many times she told me that, this was my child and I had made a decision and was going to do what I felt was best for my child. That shut her up at least for the rest of that day. It was an ongoing thing until I actually did feel comfortable introducing a bottle of pumped milk. She will have to realize that she already had her time to feed her own baby/ies and now this is your time. Stick to your guns! They'll get over it and you'll feel better about it in the long run.

And you are not being selfish! IMO, BFing is a pretty selfless act. It's not all rainbows and butterflies, you make some sacrifices, but it is well worth it for the well being of your child.

demmie326 · October 2011

My DH said lots of things before our LOs arrived....he would never watch the birth, he would not cut the cord, he had never changed a diaper (he was proud of that at the time). Once we started taking classes he started to change his mind....about everything. The breastfeeding class was extremely helpful because it stresses the importance of a supportive dad nevermind the money saved using breastmilk vs formula. When we brought LO home it was DH that I turned to when I was struggling with breastfeeding and he was so proud to be able to help. Be sure to contact/request the hospitals lactation consultant when you deliver, you might also want to look into some local breastfeeding groups, and of course use this blog. I have yet to meet a breastfeeding mom who does not love to help out another breastfeeding mom

As far as visitors go we really did not have to deal with that as we delivered at a hospital far away from home...on purpose. We also did not tell people when I was in labor and delayed some phone calls once our LOs arrived. Please don't be afraid to speak up, anybody who has had a baby will understand your desire to rest and bond.

laurau1982 · October 2011

My husband was supportive (I think he was excited he wouldn't be on the hook for getting up at night). I didn't take a breastfeeding class because my mother and sister both breastfed but in hindsight I wish I had. My in laws are not comfortable with breastfeeding and I have always found it easier to just take the baby into another room. It gave me a break from them and it let me relax and focus on the baby. Breastfeeding is hard enough without an audience watching you! It was tough in the hospital but maybe you will be able to draw the curtain? Also, I found the side lying nursing position in a bed the absolute easiest way to nurse. I have a four month old son and even now I will do this during the day. It so much more relaxing for both of us. You don't have to worry about the hold so you can focus on getting the proper latch.

katiewhompus · October 2011

H wasn't too supportive at the start. It was really hard on him to see me exhausted and hurting and kept urging me to just put her on formula. I also later learned his mom had been telling him that formula was better Huh?

Our pedi is what got me through. Every visit that she was still ebf the nurses and pedi made such a big deal about how great I was doing that I kept it up. One day H again said "if this is too hard we can always do formula" and it finally clicked with me that ebf (and pumping) was the way for me and everyone else could just shut it. 3 months later and everyone is really supportive and apologized for being so discouraging.

mesmom2011 · October 2011

My DH is hugely supportive of BFing. I got The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding and read most of it before delivery. I shared random facts with him, but he really wasn't all that interested in the process. I did not go to a class, but I feel that book helped me be well-prepared.

I had a very difficult delivery which prevented me from being with LO for the first couple of hours. I also had a wonderful IBCLC who helped us get a good start ASAP. I made a decision to embrace visitors. We actually had visitors every day for the first three weeks. I was in a lot of pain, but I wanted DD to get to know her family, and most everyone who came brought food or did dishes or something else to help. I just nursed my baby when I needed to (using a cover). I didn't worry about the house or the way I looked. . .

In the early days, DH helped by bringing me drinks (constantly) and food. He soon saw how much DD loves nursing, and he has been hugely supportive of my BFing. I am the first person in either of our families to BF for any length of time, and his attitude and support have helped a lot.

T&HLove · October 2011

DH has been pretty supportive so far with it.. He did go to our BFing class (I made him) and I definitely think it helped.. If I remember right, they actually had a small section on "how dad can be supportive" little things like making sure mother has a drink, standing behind you when other family members disagree with your decision, etc.

Don't let them make you feel like you are being selfish. first of all, its the least selfish decision you could make when it comes to how you feed your LO. Anyone that has breastfed for a while can tell you that its not always easy, and you might feel like giving it up plenty of times for your own sake, but you don't- for your child. and second of all, you are allowed to hog your LO... you were pregnant for 9 months, and you gave birth.

ETA: Some of our family had some issues with it because they could never feed, babysit, be alone with our LO due to my EBF. But in the end they should/need to be supportive. They love your LO very much (which is why they want to be able to give them a bottle, etc) so they should except that what you are doing is best for them

lanbob · October 2011

I set a time frame for visiting hours. Hubby wasnt happy about it but i explained it was bonding time for us and he was just going to have to deal. I didnt want to nurse in front of anyone and they will have to leave the room. And yes I want my son to myself for a little while and it hasnt changed 6 weeks later. Good luck.

backinpgh · October 2011

Yes dh attended two different classes with me. He actually helped a lot in the first days, especially with holding dd's flailing arms or trying to pull her mouth open for a good latch, and moral support when I wanted to give up.

Hopefully yours will come around! I think him attending a class with you would help.

tyke29 · October 2011

We went to a BF class and it really helped. I told DH he needed to be there because once the baby came I would not be able to remember everything. I need him to have been at the class and help me remember and stay calm. The teacher did make a big deal about the daddy's being supportive. Basically "whatever momma wants momma gets." was her words several times. LOL.

I was on the fence about BF and the class made me decide to try it. I went in planning on trying it and working hard at it, but I refused to have a hungry baby. If it did not work out then I would not feel bad. I told my baby boy several time while preggo, that if he wanted the boob, then he better latch on and never look back. Luckly he did great.

I would set visting hours, so that you and LO can get some rest. We let people come the next day because LO was not born until 5:04pm and we did not get into a room until after 8:30pm.

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