Nervous about telling my bro & future SIL

STW14 · October 2011

A little backstory - many people in our family assumed we would never have kids... not because we ever said we didn't want kids but because we will be married for 5 years and still no kids or talk of kids.

My twin brother and his fiance are getting married April 13, 2012. I'm in the wedding. I haven't purchased my dress yet because we haven't told people that we are expecting. Anyway, I'm nervous to tell my brother (maybe my SIL more) that we are expecting because she's the type of person that I can see saying something along the lines of "awww before my wedding - you couldn't wait till after"... or thinking I was trying to steal her thunder.

We've always had it planned on when we wanted to start trying - when my brother announced his wedding date, we knew in our minds that we could be expecting by then. We didn't want to put our plans on hold an entire year for their wedding.

Maybe I'm making a bigger deal out this than I should, but I'm allowed to because I'm cranky! I just don't want her to think I'm stealing her thunder... she takes everything personal!

theabbey5 · October 2011

As much as you care what she thinks, you don't need to. You can't prevent her from feeling upset if she does, all you can do is be pregnant and supportive of your brother during this exciting time for him and he should do the same for you.

With that said, it might be wise to tell her sooner than later just so she doesn't feel like you've been hiding it from her. She sounds like the kind of person that would be angry if you waited too long and then that might make things worse. There are a lot of dresses for PG bridesmaids...I'm sure you'll look cute and your family will be extatic for you!

STW14 · October 2011

theabbey5:

As much as you care what she thinks, you don't need to. You can't prevent her from feeling upset if she does, all you can do is be pregnant and supportive of your brother during this exciting time for him and he should do the same for you.

With that said, it might be wise to tell her sooner than later just so she doesn't feel like you've been hiding it from her. She sounds like the kind of person that would be angry if you waited too long and then that might make things worse. There are a lot of dresses for PG bridesmaids...I'm sure you'll look cute and your family will be extatic for you!

Thanks for the great advice. My twin brother is one of my best friends. We haven't told anyone - she will find out when the family finds out, so it's not like we were hiding it from her.

On another note, no maternity dress option. Her other BM will be 9 months and she just had to order a larger version of the dress which is a lovely navy blue short fitted cocktail dress... LOL the dress is beautiful - but I'm sure I will look like a blueblerry ready to burst out of the seams... LOL

More_Cowbell · October 2011

theabbey5:

As much as you care what she thinks, you don't need to. You can't prevent her from feeling upset if she does, all you can do is be pregnant and supportive of your brother during this exciting time for him and he should do the same for you.

With that said, it might be wise to tell her sooner than later just so she doesn't feel like you've been hiding it from her. She sounds like the kind of person that would be angry if you waited too long and then that might make things worse. There are a lot of dresses for PG bridesmaids...I'm sure you'll look cute and your family will be extatic for you!

This. She's a selfish twit if she is anything less than happy for you.

jen812 · October 2011

I agree. You'll probably want to tell her sooner than later. It seems silly to me that you may 'steal her thunder'. Your dates aren't that close together. I'm sure she doesn't expect you to put your life on hold for a whole year until she gets married. ETA: You added that the other BM will be even more pg by then. If she's not mad at that BM, I'm sure she won't be mad at you.

Aegis2005 · October 2011

Does you FSIL have jealousy issues? My two SIL's were both 7 months pregnant and in my wedding, I wouldn't have wanted them anywhere else, but standing by my side

STW14 · October 2011

Aegis2005:

Does you FSIL have jealousy issues? My two SIL's were both 7 months pregnant and in my wedding, I wouldn't have wanted them anywhere else, but standing by my side

I don't know how to put this. She's an only child. She's very juvenile. she whines a lot. For example, my mom and brother were talking about what song they were going to dance to at their wedding. My brother wants the song "I'll always love my momma"... part of the song lyrics are "she's my favorite girl" - well FSIL says in a serious tone "I'm your favorite girl... pick another song"

jen812 · October 2011

STW14:
Aegis2005:

Does you FSIL have jealousy issues? My two SIL's were both 7 months pregnant and in my wedding, I wouldn't have wanted them anywhere else, but standing by my side

I don't know how to put this. She's an only child. She's very juvenile. she whines a lot. For example, my mom and brother were talking about what song they were going to dance to at their wedding. My brother wants the song "I'll always love my momma"... part of the song lyrics are "she's my favorite girl" - well FSIL says in a serious tone "I'm your favorite girl... pick another song"

Did she make a comment about the other BM being pg on her big day?

STW14 · October 2011

jen812:
STW14:
Aegis2005:

Does you FSIL have jealousy issues? My two SIL's were both 7 months pregnant and in my wedding, I wouldn't have wanted them anywhere else, but standing by my side

I don't know how to put this. She's an only child. She's very juvenile. she whines a lot. For example, my mom and brother were talking about what song they were going to dance to at their wedding. My brother wants the song "I'll always love my momma"... part of the song lyrics are "she's my favorite girl" - well FSIL says in a serious tone "I'm your favorite girl... pick another song"

Did she make a comment about the other BM being pg on her big day?

Yes. She said to me - "So BM is pregnant... I can't believe she would do that. I'm happy for her and all, but I can't believe it! "

jackieconser · October 2011

I was almost 6 months pregnant with my son when my sister got married, i was the maid of honor. So when all of us went shopping for dresses, when i was about 8 weeks along, we all opted for a strapless umpire waist stress. They we long and beautiful! I bought a size 8, when im normally a 4. Figured id need some wiggle room for my big boobs that would come, and my belly. It worked out perfectly. Hopefully, your SIL will be willing to look at a few different options for dresses. My sister also was doing the whole "really? but I AM getting married, you couldnt wait" schpeal. She got over it though.

STW14 · October 2011

jackieconser:
I was almost 6 months pregnant with my son when my sister got married, i was the maid of honor. So when all of us went shopping for dresses, when i was about 8 weeks along, we all opted for a strapless umpire waist stress. They we long and beautiful! I bought a size 8, when im normally a 4. Figured id need some wiggle room for my big boobs that would come, and my belly. It worked out perfectly. Hopefully, your SIL will be willing to look at a few different options for dresses. My sister also was doing the whole "really? but I AM getting married, you couldnt wait" schpeal. She got over it though.

She picked the dresses she wanted. Her other BM is pregnant and told her before we went dress shopping back in August, but she still chose a fitted dress for us to wear. Oh well... look like I'm ordered the biggest size they have.

jacque_jo · October 2011

i dont know, i was the the pregnant one at my wedding, so no one could top that! lol

ALL I KNOW IS THAT PUPPY IS THE CUTEST DOG I HAVE EVER SEEN! and i have three of my own!

RSClementine · October 2011

STW14:

Yes. She said to me - "So BM is pregnant... I can't believe she would do that. I'm happy for her and all, but I can't believe it! "

Ugh, selfish cow. She is going to say all sorts of nonsense, just try to ignore her. I'm sure when she is pregnant she will expect the universe to grind to a halt. Some people just can't see life from anyone else's perspective. Those people drive me insane and get me SO angry. As far as I'm concerned, she can suck it. She will never be happy, so don't worry about going out of your way to say or do anything to please her, just keep the peace. Can you tell I am all worked up now?

STW14 · October 2011

RSClementine:
STW14:

Yes. She said to me - "So BM is pregnant... I can't believe she would do that. I'm happy for her and all, but I can't believe it! "
Ugh, selfish cow. She is going to say all sorts of nonsense, just try to ignore her. I'm sure when she is pregnant she will expect the universe to grind to a halt. Some people just can't see life from anyone else's perspective. Those people drive me insane and get me SO angry. As far as I'm concerned, she can suck it. She will never be happy, so don't worry about going out of your way to say or do anything to please her, just keep the peace. Can you tell I am all worked up now?

LOL... I think you are more worked up than me. I'm going to take the high road. I don't like confrontation or hostility anyway... I'm a people pleaser!

KCandJASON · October 2011

I think after you tell the family, you should find time to talk to her and your brother privately. Tell them flat out you weren't trying to steal their thunder, etc. and nip that in the bud before it turns into further hostility (as if one pregnant bridesmaid wasn't enough... etc. etc.)

Also, come up with a few alternative ways you could participate. A reading? Giving a speech? Coordinating the shower and bachelorette party? If you come at it with a plan for how you'll be no less involved, maybe she'll be more likely to accept you weren't trying to ruin her day or whatever. Just make it clear that you're still excited for her, still want to support her and your brother, etc.

Lc102310 · October 2011

Ughh...sometimes I just want to smack brides who behave that way. Brides need to remember that it is just one day (yes an important one) but that everyone else does not stop their lives for their wedding.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this and I can sympathize as my SIL is getting married in April as well and it is a destination wedding. If all goes well I will be 32 weeks at that point and will not be flying to the wedding. My DH will go (it's his sister) but I will stay home. Can't wait to have that conversation with the family!

Good Luck and you do what is best for you and DH, the heck with what your FSIL thinks.

Tracy6450 · October 2011

Who cares if you're pregnant for their wedding. You don't put your entire life and future on hold for 1 day. You're not due anywhere near the wedding date and bridesmaid dresses work around pregnant bellies all the time.

GirlBehindTheCamera · October 2011

Everyone above gave great advice. Just remember, she gets one day...not an entire year. You and your DH shouldn't be expected to put your plans on hold because of somebody else. Hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised and she'll be happy, after all she will be getting a new niece or nephew shortly after joining the family

MrsB4E · October 2011

I had the same reservations you have.. my bro is getting married May 11th and I am in the wedding and due 3 weeks after the wedding.. anything can happen and the wedding is 3 hours away so I am bringing my hospital bag in case ....... we had planned to try for a spring baby and once he got engaged we started trying sooner in hopes of having the baby before the wedding.... but it didnt work out that way ... my sil has been super excited and she sent me the bm dress im not sure it will work for me so i found one very similar that might be better and she said i could wear whatever i wanted ....... she didnt care if it wasnt the same dress so i guess i got lucky....... I am more scared to tell my parents .. my mom has been asking for grandkids forever and i kept saying no bc of my bros wedding and i didnt want to be huge she told me it would be better if i was only like 4-5 months barely showing.. well Mom.. I am going to be huge!! it is their 1st grandkid so they will be excited but im sure things will be said bc its so close to the wedding/ I could miss it ...

chusum · October 2011

That's unfortunate she could feel that way, but if she does it isn't going to change & she'll eventually find out. I would wait until you were going to tell the rest of the family, but just don't make a big deal about telling her and the dress. That way she hopefully doesn't get the opportunity to feel like you did it on purpose around their wedding date.

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