Vent about my MIL (kinda long)

bonez1219 · October 2011

When we found out we were pregnant we called both my mom & my DH's to tell them the good news. DH's mom was ESTATIC! I mean, I never expected her to be as excited as she was! It made me feel great. She used to text me every single day to see how I was feeling & make sure everything was ok on the home front. Then all of a sudden she just stopped completely. I dont hear from her at all & when I text her she's really short with me. My mom is planning my baby shower but she is also in nursing school so she wants to start now so that she can allow herself enough time to get everything done. She has asked my DH to have his mother call her so that she can ask her if she wants to help with the baby shower & what exactly she wants to help with. DH has asked his mom 3 times over the past few weeks to call & he hasnt done it! She doesnt ask us about the baby or contact my DH unless she needs something or wants to talk about a family member. Last night when my mom told me that my MIL still hadnt called her, I busted out crying uncontrollably! I feel so guilty like Im putting a burden on my mom while shes going to school & trying to take care of my ill grandmother. Now I feel so pissed off at my MIL & dont even want her to help us bc I feel like this just obviously isnt important to her! I feel so bad for my DH bc I can tell that it has really hurt him & I tried talking to him about it but he just says hes used to being let down by his entire family & he doesnt wanna talk about it. I feel so helpless & depressed! Sorry this is so long, but thanks for letting me vent ladies!

kaay16 · October 2011

Could your mom call her and get the ball rolling?

JessieJH · October 2011

Maybe she doesn't want to help with the shower, in which case I would just stop calling her or having people call her about it so that you're not putting that pressure on her. I'm sure your mom wouldn't have offered to throw a shower if she didn't feel up to it. Since MIL isn't helping out, what about a friend? HAve any offered to do a shower who might want to help your mom?

Since your MIL was excited originally I'm sure she'll come back around when your LO is born. She might just be processing something about being a grandma or might have other stuff on her mind right now.

tartaruga · October 2011

I don't understand why your mm can't call MIL herself.

k.linn · October 2011

tartaruga:
I don't understand why your mm can't call MIL herself.

This. YOUR mom is the one who wants to talk to her and has questions for her.

jqcit · October 2011

Stop being a woman about it.

treble_clef · October 2011

Maybe your MIL is going through something personal. Have you called her to ask her if she is okay?

CrawltheWarriorKing · October 2011

jqcit:
Stop being a woman about it.

Why don't you get your shiit together so you can get your child back from CPS instead of wasting time on the bump?

Cheerio B · October 2011

I'd let the shower thing go. Maybe she doesn't want to help with it. Or maybe she's thinking about doing something herself. Regardless she's been told three times to contact your mom and her not doing is making it pretty clear that she doesn't want to be involved right now. Since there has been such a drastic change in her behavior, have you or your DH called her to make sure she's OK?

drewbon13 · October 2011

jqcit:
Stop being a woman about it.

^That's rude. :-/

Maybe your MIL is having some kind of issue dealing with the idea of being a grandma or something. Or maybe she feels like she is going to lose her son because you guys are starting your own family.

OR maybe she doesn't want to step on any toes?? She might be backing off because she doesn't want you to think she is taking charge of everything. I dunno, it could be anything.

I'm sorry she is behaving that way though, that sucks. Hopefully she will come around!! If she doesnt want anything to do with the baby shower then that is her loss!

JayeWo · October 2011

Just from my own experience, here - my own MIL has gone through stages where she is all about contacting me and being supportive (like how yours was texting you), then stopped suddenly because I inadvertently did something to upset her. Usually it was that I didn't respond to a call/text soon enough or didn't respond in the way she thought I should have or something petty like that. Then she lets herself stew about it for a few weeks, then calls my husband to "vent" about everything that's wrong with ME. It's a vicious cycle. I'm just saying that your SO might be getting a phone call sometime soon....and he needs to be prepared to shut that situation down REALLY FAST, in order to prevent this from happening again. We let the cycle go for longer than we should have and now we're paying for it.

drewbon13 · October 2011

JayeWo:
Just from my own experience, here - my own MIL has gone through stages where she is all about contacting me and being supportive (like how yours was texting you), then stopped suddenly because I inadvertently did something to upset her. Usually it was that I didn't respond to a call/text soon enough or didn't respond in the way she thought I should have or something petty like that. Then she lets herself stew about it for a few weeks, then calls my husband to "vent" about everything that's wrong with ME. It's a vicious cycle. I'm just saying that your SO might be getting a phone call sometime soon....and he needs to be prepared to shut that situation down REALLY FAST, in order to prevent this from happening again. We let the cycle go for longer than we should have and now we're paying for it.

^ My MIL does this. It's really aggravating.

JayeWo · October 2011

drewbon13:
JayeWo:
Just from my own experience, here - my own MIL has gone through stages where she is all about contacting me and being supportive (like how yours was texting you), then stopped suddenly because I inadvertently did something to upset her. Usually it was that I didn't respond to a call/text soon enough or didn't respond in the way she thought I should have or something petty like that. Then she lets herself stew about it for a few weeks, then calls my husband to "vent" about everything that's wrong with ME. It's a vicious cycle. I'm just saying that your SO might be getting a phone call sometime soon....and he needs to be prepared to shut that situation down REALLY FAST, in order to prevent this from happening again. We let the cycle go for longer than we should have and now we're paying for it.
^ My MIL does this. It's really aggravating.

I need to hijack this post for a minute and tell you that it feels so good to know that I'm not the only one!

bonez1219 · October 2011

Thanks for the advice ladies! My SO had 1st asked his mom when is a good time to for my mom to call her bc MIL is always busy at work or church & she never responded so thats why my mom asked for MIL to just call her. I think Im just gonna move on from the situation bc I really do feel like she doesnt wanna help. I guess it just really made me upset bc my SO has told me many times that his mom hasnt been there for him throughout his life.

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