Preschool Moms

kittylove · October 2011

Riley has always had a hard time when I leave. It is one reason I chose a co-op preschool because I knew he would need me there sometimes. He started about a month ago and was fine the first few days and the first few times I left. Yes he cried when I left but he was over it in 10 minutes, now he is having anxiety about me leaving BEFORE we even get there. It breaks my heart. Any ideas on how to help him through it.

marsnemmo · October 2011

We had the same situation. M was fine initially then went through a period where she would cry right when we got there and in the classroom. It was hard!!!

I bought a bunch of books.. the night before preschool, dinosaurs go to school and pirates go to school and just made it in to real life situations. i.e there goes your teacher and named all her friends in the book. I tried to make school as fun as possible and when I leave I give her a hug and kiss, then we high five and say school's fun!!!

I hope this helps a little and I'm sure he will get through it!!!

MeggyO · October 2011

How long does he cry once you leave her at preschool? Some kids cry a lot--like half an hour--others cry for about ten minutes and then they are fine. I'd ask his teacher how he is once you leave.

kittylove · October 2011

MeggyO:
How long does he cry once you leave her at preschool? Some kids cry a lot--like half an hour--others cry for about ten minutes and then they are fine. I'd ask his teacher how he is once you leave.

At the worst he cries hard for about 5-10 and then is whinny for up to 30. More recently though he is over it by the 5 minute mark. It isn't so much the crying when I leave as the anxiety before I leave that has me worried.

tri_bride05 · October 2011

That was us last year; the whole year. M would whine all morning about not wanting to go to school, wanting to stay with me, etc. It sucked and made me feel terrible. BUT as soon as we got to school he was fine and had a great time the rest of the morning. And when it was time to go home from school he didn't want to leave. So we stuck with it. We changed schools this year and he is now excited about going to school, though frequently asks if I can stay (it's a co-op so I do stay 1 morning/week). I don't know whether it's the new school or that he is older, but things are so much better this year.

NorcalLinds · October 2011

Same boat here. He didn't want to go, etc. Once we got there, he cried. It seemed really weird to me because he has been in other schools/day cares no problems. Anyway, now his friend started this week so we are all good. No more tears. Does Riley have any friends in his class? That really seems to help Logan, he needs a familiar face to ease into it.

kittylove · October 2011

NorcalLinds:
Same boat here. He didn't want to go, etc. Once we got there, he cried. It seemed really weird to me because he has been in other schools/day cares no problems. Anyway, now his friend started this week so we are all good. No more tears. Does Riley have any friends in his class? That really seems to help Logan, he needs a familiar face to ease into it.

Yep he has friends but no best buddies in his class.

Thanks everyone for the support I hope tri-bride is right and he will just get better with time. He loves it there once I am gone, so I know he likes it. He is always happy when we talk about his day, just had some anxiety this week going into class and it makes me sad.

amyfelice · October 2011

I'm sure you already do this but it helps E when I talk about her teachers and her friends. Also maybe if you know the schedule for the week, you can talk about what activities they have scheduled to get him excited about it, or at least decrease the anxiety about the unknown.

fricksgirl · October 2011

This seems harsh and of course you know your kid best so feel free to ignore but I think it's like ripping off a band aid. Don't drag it out. On the days you leave, hug hug/kiss kiss buh bye my dear, Mommy loves you and you're out. 30 secinds max. Dragging it out IMO makes it SO much worse for everyone involved.

It will get easier and easier as he gets used to it. Si went through a little crying patch but now he literally hugs me and walks off and goes with his class, happy as a clam. I can even visit him at lunch (I ususally stay 10/15 minutes ish) and he gets it, doesn't freak out, because I consistently do it and I don't coddle about it, now mommy has to go, back to business.

Just what has worked for me though! Everyone is different!

ETA: About the pre-stuff, just be a Peppy Betty about it- "Oh school will be so much fun! I'll be back to get you soon & you can tell me all about it!" Don't play into the anxiety. Again, I know it sounds harsh, but...

pink.dutch.tulips · October 2011

fricksgirl:

This seems harsh and of course you know your kid best so feel free to ignore but I think it's like ripping off a band aid. Don't drag it out. On the days you leave, hug hug/kiss kiss buh bye my dear, Mommy loves you and you're out. 30 secinds max. Dragging it out IMO makes it SO much worse for everyone involved.

It will get easier and easier as he gets used to it. Si went through a little crying patch but now he literally hugs me and walks off and goes with his class, happy as a clam. I can even visit him at lunch (I ususally stay 10/15 minutes ish) and he gets it, doesn't freak out, because I consistently do it and I don't coddle about it, now mommy has to go, back to business.

Just what has worked for me though! Everyone is different!

ETA: About the pre-stuff, just be a Peppy Betty about it- "Oh school will be so much fun! I'll be back to get you soon & you can tell me all about it!" Don't play into the anxiety. Again, I know it sounds harsh, but...

thank you .. for articulating what was going through my head !

jsugrin · October 2011

Andrew has a bit of a rough start, took about 10 solid days before DH could leave with the teacher having to take him (I'm sure it would have been much worse had I been doing drop offs).

We do very often have anxiety in the mornings though, if I'm awake for long before they go ( DH still does drop offs). All I hear all morning long is how he doesn't want to go, how he wants to stay with me ect ect. I do think part is true anxiety, he's very attached to me and wants the comfort of what he knows and part of it is just manipulation, it's easier in that minute and he's never a fan of separating from me. In the end he loves going though, has a wonderful time and is learning tons. When he gets very upset I just remind him that he does love school and he'll have a wonderful time. I try to be no-nonsense about it.

Do you think that it might actually be harder since sometimes you stay and sometimes you go?

kittylove · October 2011

pink.dutch.tulips:
fricksgirl:

This seems harsh and of course you know your kid best so feel free to ignore but I think it's like ripping off a band aid. Don't drag it out. On the days you leave, hug hug/kiss kiss buh bye my dear, Mommy loves you and you're out. 30 secinds max. Dragging it out IMO makes it SO much worse for everyone involved.

It will get easier and easier as he gets used to it. Si went through a little crying patch but now he literally hugs me and walks off and goes with his class, happy as a clam. I can even visit him at lunch (I ususally stay 10/15 minutes ish) and he gets it, doesn't freak out, because I consistently do it and I don't coddle about it, now mommy has to go, back to business.

Just what has worked for me though! Everyone is different!

ETA: About the pre-stuff, just be a Peppy Betty about it- "Oh school will be so much fun! I'll be back to get you soon & you can tell me all about it!" Don't play into the anxiety. Again, I know it sounds harsh, but...

thank you .. for articulating what was going through my head !

We do this. His teacher told me I am the quickest drop offer she has had in a long time. She says that is a good thing. I am seriously in there 2 minutes tops. And it doesn't seem harsh at all. I will try putting a more positive spin on school days in the am, I think I do a fairly good job but I am sure he feels my anxiety about it too.

tri_bride05 · October 2011

fricksgirl:

ETA: About the pre-stuff, just be a Peppy Betty about it- "Oh school will be so much fun! I'll be back to get you soon & you can tell me all about it!" Don't play into the anxiety. Again, I know it sounds harsh, but...

Yes, definitely do this - I don't think it's harsh at all. Talk up the fun activities, how much he likes his teachers, etc. Good luck.

dblhappiness · October 2011

I was going to suggest what someone else already did in talking up everything you are going to do. "Ok, Riley, we're going to get ready for school and then we'll see..." (teachers names and some familiar faces). While I know my boys' situations are different I have to talk to them beforehand of any and pretty much all things we have planned. If I don't, they feel out of sorts and get pretty worked up. Another idea I had was if there was some toy or item that he likes to play with or is always drawn to that he gets to play with at the school. A was always drawn to a particular toy during rough drop offs and once he saw that, he stopped whining/crying/fussing. And it helped talking to him beforehand that he was going to get it because he looked forward to it. Might be something to discuss with his teacher.

pink.dutch.tulips · October 2011

kittylove:
pink.dutch.tulips:
fricksgirl:

This seems harsh and of course you know your kid best so feel free to ignore but I think it's like ripping off a band aid. Don't drag it out. On the days you leave, hug hug/kiss kiss buh bye my dear, Mommy loves you and you're out. 30 secinds max. Dragging it out IMO makes it SO much worse for everyone involved.

It will get easier and easier as he gets used to it. Si went through a little crying patch but now he literally hugs me and walks off and goes with his class, happy as a clam. I can even visit him at lunch (I ususally stay 10/15 minutes ish) and he gets it, doesn't freak out, because I consistently do it and I don't coddle about it, now mommy has to go, back to business.

Just what has worked for me though! Everyone is different!

ETA: About the pre-stuff, just be a Peppy Betty about it- "Oh school will be so much fun! I'll be back to get you soon & you can tell me all about it!" Don't play into the anxiety. Again, I know it sounds harsh, but...

thank you .. for articulating what was going through my head !

We do this. His teacher told me I am the quickest drop offer she has had in a long time. She says that is a good thing. I am seriously in there 2 minutes tops. And it doesn't seem harsh at all. I will try putting a more positive spin on school days in the am, I think I do a fairly good job but I am sure he feels my anxiety about it too.

kids feed off of what their parents are feeling. i can only speak for dd but when h or i are feeling stressed or anxious, guess who else gets stressed and anxious .. yep that would be her. its almost like she senses it too and starts acting the same way. i can see how an anxious by nature parent can have a kid who senses the same and starts acting the same b/c that's how they see their parents act.

alibee09 · October 2011

Katie does the "I don't want to go to school" thing fairly frequently (like today, for example, which was understandable because she's been with me constantly for 2 weeks). I usually validate her feelings ("I know you don't want to go") and then tell her the fun things she will be able to do and the people she'll see when she's there, and that refocuses her. Then we have a routine at school where she pushes me out the door and I act all silly, which makes her less upset about my departing.

It sucks seeing our kids feel upset, and I totally get your worry and anxiety about it. I hope knowing that he has fun helps.

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