TTC After a Loss

And so it begins... (major vent and super long)

So all the couples in my group of friends always joke about who will be the first one KU and the fact that, once one is, we all will be.  Well, for the longest time, I was the only one even TTC (all the girls know I had a CP and am still not KU).  I found out around August that one girl was "not really trying, but not really preventing either," and wouldn't you know, she announced this weekend that she's almost 2 months pregrant.  I'm really happy for her (I seriously love her to death, and I think the reason they weren't technically TTC is because her hubby wasn't on board yet), but this seriously sucks.  I can't tell you how many times I've already cried about this.  All I can think about is how hard it's going to be for me to hang out with her and how I'll have to leave the room any time anyone brings it up.

Let's make matters worse, shall we...

I went over to a different friend's house last night, and we spent almost the entire time complaning about this pregnancy (which seriously makes me feel bad, but I guess I can't help how frustrated I am).  The other girl wants to be TTC so badly, but her husband has told her absolutely not.  Once she let out all of her frustrations, I let out all of mine.  Her response?  "I really think you're just stressing yourself out too much about everything.  Maybe you should just stop all the charting and planning sex.  I bet you if you just relaxed, it would happen for you."  Awesome...thanks...never heard that one before.  Only problem - I know so much about my body from charting the past 7 months that I don't think it would even be possible.  I mean, sure I could stop temping, but I would still notice when I have fertile CM, I still have 18,000 OPKs, and I would still want to FWP every time I even thought I was close to fertile.  But yeah, not charting would help a lot...

The icing on the cake?  DH is OOT the whole week, which means I will have to suffer through hanging out with all these friends alone.  And the cherry on top?  I've had MF since 2 DPO.

Vent over.  A cookie to anyone who made it this far!

Me (28): fine, DH (28): MFI
Married 6/21/09
Off BCP and TTC 4/17/11
BFP #1 (ended in CP) 7/15/11
Varicocelectomy surgery 9/4/12 - T improved to normal, but still low count

Current Status: Pursuing Jan '15 IVF w/ ICSI
Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


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Re: And so it begins... (major vent and super long)

  • I'm really sorry. I hate how frustrating it is when other people are pregnant. I'm the only one amongst all my friends who isn't pregnant or has a baby. I'm the loner, the one who can't keep a pregnancy. I hate it. Sad Thanks for the cookie. What kind is it?
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    Started TTC June 2010
    BFP #1
    07/04/10. EDD 03/14/11. Missed m/c 08/09/10. D&C 09/27/10. }Casey & Jaimie{
    BFP #2 01/14/11. EDD 09/25/11. Missed m/c 02/18/11. D&C 02/24/11. }Dustin{
    TTA for 18 months and then TTC for 12 months
    BFP #3 08/18/13. EDD 04/30/14. Missed m/c 09/25/13. D&C 09/26/13. }Daylin{
    TTA for 7 months
    Jan-Mar 2014 - RPL, SHG, karotyping: all results normal
    TTC Again May 2014
    Progesterone & baby aspirin combo for 5 cycles
    - All BFN's
    SA with DNA fragmentation = Perfect results

    Diagnostic cycle monitoring = Polycystic ovaries leading to premature egg release
    TTA Oct 2014 - Jan 2015
    Jan 2015 - Medicated cycle with timed intercourse
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  • Wow, that's a rough situation for anyone TTC but especially for those TTCAL. I know that a lot of the people around me try to say things to help but most of the times those things end up being hurtful even without them meaning to be.

    I'm really sorry for what you're having to deal with and hope that this week gets better. **HUGS**

    DS1: 8/3/10, DD1: 8/17/13, DD2: 8/13/15
    Twins lost to due to partial molar pregnancy: September 2011 
    ~~PAL, PgAL Always Welcome~~
  • imagejenn0021:
    I'm really sorry. I hate how frustrating it is when other people are pregnant. I'm the only one amongst all my friends who isn't pregnant or has a baby. I'm the loner, the one who can't keep a pregnancy. I hate it. Sad Thanks for the cookie. What kind is it?

    Well I'm not the best cook, so unless you want a store bought cookie, probably chocolate chip Big Smile

    Me (28): fine, DH (28): MFI
    Married 6/21/09
    Off BCP and TTC 4/17/11
    BFP #1 (ended in CP) 7/15/11
    Varicocelectomy surgery 9/4/12 - T improved to normal, but still low count

    Current Status: Pursuing Jan '15 IVF w/ ICSI
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


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  • Crappy.  Sad  Maybe you can take a few days away from them and not hang out. 
    image
    CRAFTY ME

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  • I'm really sorry you are going through all of this. It can be very frustrating when you feel like everyone else has it so easy, and the "relax and it will happen" advice is right up there with the "Everything happens for a reason!" mantra in my book.....said by people who have no idea what to say, so they say those things. While they are trying to be helpful, those words do more harm then good.

    My younger sister told me she was KU the day before we found out about our m/c....we are very close, but I have had a hard time speaking or even looking at her....and, while happy for her, I am dreading the months ahead, so I can sympathize with your frustration of your friend who wasn't even really trying getting her BFP.

     

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  • I'm so sorry for all you are going through! It really does suck when lady after lady you know IRL start announcing pregnancies. I have had to limit my time on FB because I am so tired of seeing the updates on there!! Cookies!! I love cookies! Thanks!! ((Hugs))
    mommy to Lanie~5/23/06 and Brynn~2/5/08 BFP 1/20/11 emergency surgery 1/27/11 twins lost. Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers image imageimageimage ~*~*~PGAL/PAL Welcome~*~*~
  • Don't you just want to smack people who give you the whole "you're just trying too hard" line? My cousin's DH said that the other day (not to me, about a friend of their's) and I seriously wanted to smack him! I wanted to yell at him and say, "Do you have any clue how hard it is to get and stay pg?!?!" Ugh! I hope the situation with your friend gets better.
    photo e9455f4d-9751-469e-a19f-460104cd2e5c.jpg photo jan15.jpg
    BFP #1 5/20/10 Natural MC at 5w4d 5/28/10
    BFP #2 11/3/10; BO at u/s 10w6d 12/16/10; Natural MC 1/7/11; D&C 4/21/11
    BFP #3 10/27/11 Please stick, LO!! 2/6/12 It's a Girl! Alexis Grace born 6/29/12
    BFP#4 4/27/14 Stick, stick, stick!! 8/11/14 It's a Boy! Evan Wesley born 1/8/15
    "Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow, that is patience."  Let it Be (blog)My BFP Charts
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  • imageKasi80:
    Crappy.  Sad  Maybe you can take a few days away from them and not hang out. 

    This.  Maybe treat yourself to a pedicure, rent some movies and take a break.  I know how comments like that can totally suck.  Take care.

  • imageella.mabel:

    imageKasi80:
    Crappy.  Sad  Maybe you can take a few days away from them and not hang out. 

    This.  Maybe treat yourself to a pedicure, rent some movies and take a break.  I know how comments like that can totally suck.  Take care.

    Forgot to mention that she decided to announce she was KU when we were all getting pedicures!  Good time ruined!!!

    Me (28): fine, DH (28): MFI
    Married 6/21/09
    Off BCP and TTC 4/17/11
    BFP #1 (ended in CP) 7/15/11
    Varicocelectomy surgery 9/4/12 - T improved to normal, but still low count

    Current Status: Pursuing Jan '15 IVF w/ ICSI
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers


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  • Sorry to hear you're having such a difficult time. I hate the whole "Just relax" comments, as well as the "These things happen to lots of people." Take a weekend to yourself and relax!

    IMG_2014
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Hugs.  Some people will never understand unless they go through it themselves.  I'm sorry you had to hear that. 
  • I am so annoyed for you! My sister (who has two kids-both accidents-and says she wishes she never had them) always tells me to relax and stop charting and using opks. SHe is convinced I will get pregnant if I stop worrying so much about it. I actually think that charting and using opks relaxes me because I feel somewhat in control of my body (not that I can control what it does but I am aware of what it is/isn't doing).

    Take a break from those friends. They should know what you are going through and be more sensitive to you.

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    Baby #2
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  • Big (hugs). Sorry you are having a tough time right now. When someone tells me to "just relax" I usually respond with "yeah, relaxing actually won't help the hormone imbalance." People just don't realize that having a baby really isn't as easy as they think.

    My Old Blog | My Chart | TTCAL Shenanigans
    ♥BFP #1 "Spawn"- 02/23/11 | EDD: 11/01/11 | natural m/c 03/20/11 @7w5d♥
    ♥BFP #2 "Offspring"- 11/10/12 | EDD: 07/25/13 | incomplete m/c 12/14/12 @8w1d | D&C 12/21/12♥
    ♥BFP #3 "Progeny" - 02/16/15 | It's a BOY!! | EDD: 10/17/15 | BD: 10/23/15
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  • I'm really sorry.  And those people who think they are being soooo helpful by telling you to take it easy and not stress about the temping/charting/OPK's??  Yeah they can stuff it.  (((Hugs))) and thanks for the cookie, I'll take a peanut butter chocolate chip.
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  • So sorry! I really hate the "you're trying too hard" comments. IRL people just don't understand!
    Married since 06/2004, TTC since 01/2011

    BFP #1 and M/C 5/2011

    BFP #2 7/1/2011, Blighted ovums officially diagnosed at 9w6d, D&C 8/19/2011.

    BFP #3 12/7/2011, EDD 8/15/2012, Harper Lorelai born 8/09/12

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